right, Kgirl, we don't want them to stay just because of money but between money, kids in some of our cases, investments/assets, love, a potentially stronger marriage, knowledge of self... seems like those are ALL good reasons to work on a marriage to me.
Sometimes I wonder if my H has had a MLC. (I could have written what you wrote, Maybell.. and probably have a very similar post somewhere).
When my H first left, he said he spoke with a recently divorced buddy who said that he would never recover financially from a D. It just ruins the finances. And, recently, he told me that he knows that the "smart" thing to do is to stay married, for lots of reasons, but he "just doesn't see a married future for us" He just feels how he feels.
Ok then.
In that case, I will do my darndest to be the spouse only a fool would walk away from, I will happily take his money every month to support our child, and with any luck he will spend the rest of his days wondering if it was really worth it. And, I will be fabulous.
And so will you, however it turns out.
Turning down support because of pride doesn't seem prudent or in your children's best interest.
Guess what I'm going to tell you, Maybell? You got it... slow down! You are flip flopping like a fish outta water! Ok, I have a little challenge for you... make your next three posts about something positive that's going on. You up for that?
Im proud of you too Maybell. I find it intimidating to think about a new job. I've been reassured by L that I don't need to change jobs but I've considered it. I admire you for going after it.
Congrats on the job! That's sweet. Also, it's great that you've utilized your networking skills- always a great attribute!
From the other side of the support equation, why on Earth would you feel guilty about the father of your children contributing financially? It's his responsibility. I was the primary breadwinner and have had no issues accepting support from xh. He was unemployed for long stretches and we still paid daycare for the kids. He got a bonus a few months ago just prior to our vacation. Xh gave me the bonus. I thanked him and said the children would enjoy it on their trip. Xh launched into a pity party about how if he went he would ruin their fun and the vacation would traumatize him. I quickly reverted back to a thanks again, however I was not engaging. Was it nice? Of course it was. Was it guilt? Probably, however that's something only he can deal with.
It can be difficult choosing between work/ life and $$. I have no idea what your support looks like- just think about what you might enjoy most. Yes, regardless of what career you pick , there will be trade offs.
And just to chime in on the thoughts about saving your M, at MC (which is an epic waste of $ to go to with a WAS/MLCer, my xh said " he was pretty sure he didn't want the M to work." He said this 2 different MCs. I remember thinking "who says this?" Then , of course they ask if our respective parents were married (they both were) and I realized MC (like everyone said here) was a waste of time.
Your kids are lucky to have such a caring, devoted mom. Keep up the positives:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I hope you received my message as it was intended-- totally cheerleading you, and just trying (with some probably poorly-worded attempt at humor) to slightly shift your mindset. I loved hearing you confidently say you were giving yourself some space, and giving the rest of it some time.
I'm cheering you on, too, Maybell. You have a lot to of inspiring gifts that attract people to you. Just look at the hoards of your fans on here. What I am trying to say is that we all have insecurities but you are really doing a great job of finding your strengths, building them up and realizing that you have even more strengths just below those original strengths.
Keep looking for them because the ARE there. The insight you have is truly remarkable and from my perspective, you are an absolute inspiration in every way.
I don't feel weird about support for them. Just support for me. But that doesn't mean I won't take it!!
I'm doing ok, y'all. I just had that overpowering feeling in the store and it hurt and I had to take it someplace.
He must have had a very rough time with D11. She did not have one good thing to say about her evening with him and even insisted on being returned to the boys' activity early. (Fwiw, I told him I was sorry it hadn't gone better) she complained about him the whole rest of the evening.
I'm curious how he's processing that.
I really am feeling more like myself. I'm reading another novel that's been on. My to-read list since it came out. H read it last year and said he thought I wouldn't like it because it's too rough for me. It is pretty gritty... But I'm enjoying it anyway. Score one for Maybell's underestimated intellect.
Loving the fall weather and my sense of success, though I worry that the job they want done can't be achieved in the amount of time they can afford to pay for it.
Oh, and thanks to my awesome washer & dryer my laundry is not piled up beyond my ability to keep up.
See, Claire!!! I'm primarily happy!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I have been thinking a lot about this job and I had some very intelligent thoughts that make me feel like I've still got it. (Not sure if I'm going to take it... will discuss in IC today).
It's a GORGEOUS day. ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. I love fall and I'm excited to get out a different part of my wardrobe.
D11 was a total grouch last night and some this morning... but I understood why and let it roll off my back.
I have a BIG worry about a friend who is in a scary place in her marriage right now. I want to help her and I'm worried she won't accept it (though she really, really needs it). But it feels really good to:
a) be able to empathize with some of her fears and b) have something worth worrying about besides myself and c) be in a place where I can stop being so self-centered.
It's weird that something scary and worrisome is a positive in my life, but I feel so much stronger in being able to even care for her and put that out there that it makes me happy.
Claire, I did take your post the way you meant it... but thanks for the reminder.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
It's weird that something scary and worrisome is a positive in my life, but I feel so much stronger in being able to even care for her and put that out there that it makes me happy.
I think the positive is actually that you able to approach a friend's scary and worrisome problem from a place of strength and even wisdom. Glad you are there for her!
