Your H is being immature. You went to a parade because your D wanted you there and you wanted to be there. It had nothing to do with him but he made it about him and then proceeded to complain about how horrible it was for HIM. What a child. Your 4 year old could handle it better.
At this point, I would back off as much as possible and GAL, make no contact outside of child related communication and work on your PMA. Fill your days with learning new things, having fun with your kids and taking care of womb-baby (which means taking care of YOU!). Set him aside right now because he's angry and hurt and acting out.
Just popping in to offer support and say you're not alone. I'm sorry you're in this situation while pregnant; it's not exactly the place you want to be when you should be glowing and soaking up the miracle of a new life.
Please try to find a place of peace and harmony (as much as you can in a crappy situation) so that your baby can grow and thrive. Your focus needs to be not only on YOU, but on this little bean that will become a son or daughter to cherish!
Do not let H and his alien actions rule too much of your day. I know that's easier said than done, but your little one needs you to try!
If you need to talk/vent/have someone listen please feel free to PM me!
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Joe1981, thank you for your input! I'm already far closer to a better version of the woman he fell in love with than I've been since we had our first child. (Motherhood didn't treat me well...) and I'm so pleased with myself. It's weird to say that my life is actually better and easier now than it was before he left. Overall, I'm happier and more confident. I don't think that's a result of his absence, but a result of the wakeup call he force-fed me. I'm a better person and I'm far happier for it. I just pray that he will eventually wake up (preferably before I birth the child I'm carrying) and come be a part of this better life. I know he's unhappy, it's evident every time I see him (you'd think he'd at least fake it...right?) and a mutual close friend agrees that tucker seems miserable whenever he sees him...so I pray that sooner or later he realizes that I'm not the source of his unhappiness...since I'm as out of the picture as I can be without cutting off the kids' contact with him...and he still hasn't found his happiness.
Me: 30 Him: 30 Daughter: 5 Son: 3 Daughter: 1 Started dating: 2008 Married: 2010 He moved out: late 7/14
I'm glad you're making personal growth. Keep your focus there and don't agonize about the day-to-day with your H. Try your best to stay off of his roller coaster.
Me: 34 W:33 T: 10 M: 6 S: 6 D: 5 BD: 5/14 Still together(ish) Not giving up: 7/14 D talk has slowed, a lot. Gradually working on things together. Still separate bedrooms. Slow and Steady wins the race.
Let's face it, finding happiness is a never ending endeavor. If your H is out looking for that and can't be married to you while doing it... well, that's a pretty bleak outlook from where I'm standing BUT hopefully some of his introspection leads him to realize that happiness takes WORK every single day. It takes courage and strength. It doesn't just appear because you walked away from your family. That realization happens slowly and sometimes it happens and the blame is placed on the LBS (you). Brace yourself for that possibility.
I could really use advice today. H texted me earlier and told me that he thinks I need to consider moving in with my parents. That means moving me & soon to be 3 children into my parents' 1300 sq ft house where my 68 year old mom is in ill health. The three kids and I would have a bedroom...and all of my furniture and belongings would have to go into storage. All because he can't financially support the decision he's made. I don't have a job because we both wanted our kids to have a stay home mom, and I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Getting a job isn't really a viable option at the moment, but moving in with my parents is even less viable. I've been following strict rules on communication with him but I'm stumped now. Part of me thinks I need to arrange a meeting with him where I lay it down. Why our problems aren't irreconcilable (no one was abusive, we get along very well, and there was/is no affair.) the ramifications both emotionally and financially of divorce for both of us and the kids, why us abandoning our house is not an option, and proposing that he needs to go to a retrouville weekend with me. I've never stood up to him so I have no idea how it will go. (Not because I was afraid of him, because I was needy and submissive.). Any and all ideas/advice is very needed and very welcome! Thank you!
Me: 30 Him: 30 Daughter: 5 Son: 3 Daughter: 1 Started dating: 2008 Married: 2010 He moved out: late 7/14
I'm sorry you find yourself here. This must be incredibly difficult particularly while pregnant. Perhaps I missed something, however is your h saying he can't afford child/spousal support? Is that why he's encouraging you to move in with your parents? Please clarify.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Wow, he wants you to just move out with two kids one on the way? Why? Because he said so? Um, no.
Is this because he can't sustain two homes financially?
I wouldn't just up and move in with your mom. Let him move in with a buddy with little or no rent. You and your kids deserve a place that is HOME. Those kids deserve as much consistency as humanly possible right now and that home and their beds is IT.
How often does H have the kids?
Have you considered part time work?
20 hours a week at Starbucks gets you and your family full medical, dental and vision coverage, 1 lb of coffee a week, tips, decent pay for retail work and flexible hours.
I know it's not the direction you were hoping to go but it might be a good news flash to H how much he'd have to be there for the kids if you were working even part time, you know?
I would absolutely not move out. There are other options and he needs to be thinking about the kids.
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I was reading through the summary and its exactly the situation that I see my wife in right now. Some random comment (mine was you seem to be distant the last month or two) and then the BD. I tried to have her stay until we could get stuff figured out and she refused and left me, the kids and the house. I think that got her more upset, because she expected me to leave. However, through all of it, you need to do what's the very best thing for your kids. Even if this contradicts what you think the relationship needs. This is so tough for me to do also. Even though you want to be as understanding as possible, when it comes to kids and their needs, he needs to become responsible for his decisions. If he can't afford two houses, it should be his responsibility to figure out what HE can do and not displace your family.
She is acting the same exact way, seems to be unhappy. She tells people she misses her house, the dogs, the normal stuff. She's doing and saying things so others see that she is still unhappy. I think I agree that chasing happiness is a long endeavor.
Its been tough, since looking back there are no answers to why she felt this way (we didn't fight much either.) However, I think that there are some emotional issues that they themselves cannot identify and keep them inside. Then they start resenting others for not seeing them either and/or the other person being happy. At that point, they need to change something and unfortunately it seems to be the marriage. I pray in both of our situations, that they find their way and realize that chasing the next best thing will not ultimately make them happy with themselves. Best of luck to you.
Georgiabelle, thanks for replying! he is saying that he's paying more than the state would require (which he probably is by a few hundred) and that he can't afford it.
Ss06, he is already living with a buddy who charges him nothing to live there. Basically, as far as I know his only financial responsibilities other than our home and the little cash he gives us, is gas & food. He doesn't have leisure money, I think, and that is his complaint. He takes the kids around 1 on Sundays and keeps them until 8 and he picks them up after work (typically around 6/6:30) one weekday and brings them home at 8...so he's not with them much, at least not enough in my opinion....but I've given him the option to take them as much as he wants bc I think that it's outrageously important for them to have a good relationship with him. I'm considering telling him that I'll get an evening serving job & he can watch the kids every evening I work...I bet he won't be too keen on that though...we'll see, I guess. I'm dumbfounded that the kind, patient, selfless man I married has become so incredibly selfish.
Me: 30 Him: 30 Daughter: 5 Son: 3 Daughter: 1 Started dating: 2008 Married: 2010 He moved out: late 7/14
