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Hi Ahoy, glad you had a fun night last night. I totally get what you are saying that when you are GAL you don't miss your H at all. I am the same. I mostly feel happy to be single when I am out GAL. And I also don't miss living with him, except when something breaks or I can't reach something on a high shelf.

Keep on holding on to those good, strong moments!

Hugs, Lisa

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Thank you for the encouragement, Lisa! H came to pick up daughter after a rough day (for me emotionally), and then I went to a movie with a Meetup group, then dinner afterwards.

H doesn't even bother to ask me where I'm going (perhaps he doesn't want to know, or feels that if he asks me, then I might ask him in return).

Anyway, that helped lift my spirits significantly. I am happy to be single in those moments! I hear what you mean about not being able to fix things or reach things. I joined a local time bank for just that purpose -- although I have yet to use it! Hugs to you as well, and thanks again. I needed to hear some encouragement after the day I've had...


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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labug, I think you asked me on a different post why I need to clarify the situation to others. I too asked myself if that was necessary. Here's why I think it is:
1. It's important for friends and family to know that H left so that if he does open up to them for support, they will understand the situation better. He may not open up, but I suspect he is going through a depression, and I want our friends to understand where he is so they can support him through this time. I do want him to be happy, with or without me, because it will make him a better father to our daughter.
2. I told the minister because my daughter is in a program at church about relationships, and her home life situation may come up, so the teachers running the program should be prepared to assist her. (This is on my minister's recommendation.)
3. It's important for me to be truthful. Sure, I could go along with H's statement that we are just amicably separated, or "uncoupling" or what have you, but then when they ask further questions as to "why" the truth will come out anyway, so I might as well be up front about it.
4. It's part of my processing what is going on. I have to look at the situation honestly: For whatever reasons, some of which I likely contributed to, my husband has left me. I need to come to terms with that, and being open and honest about it is personally helpful to me. I don't want to cling to a narrative, but understanding this narrative helps me to better understand the situation.

I am not a victim, nor to I want to be perceived as such, as it's not an attractive or fun position, and sympathy wears off over time. I want my friends and family to know what's going on and know that I am trying to handle it in a way that gives us options moving forward amicably either way, with compassion.

So there you have it. Maybe these are just excuses?

Anyway, in other news, my H texted to see if I could take D14 after school tomorrow. I said sure. Then he texted again to see if I wanted to go on a walk. This is something he expressed interest in doing prior to S (going on a walk every couple of weeks), but had yet to initiate it. He will be coming over today, and now I have DREAD. Perhaps it will just be a friendly walk, where we keep practicing interacting as mere friends; perhaps he will announce that he is done with the marriage for sure and that we should proceed with D; perhaps he will say he wants to work on things. It's hard to keep my mind from racing with the possibilities.

Someone talk me down!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Ahoy,

Can I tell you that when I type that I think of the ever delish chips ahoy blizzard at DQ????:). Relax. Regardless of what your h says or doesn't say, you will be fine. Know that much.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Thank you, Georgiabelle! Trying to breathe... Update to come post-walk!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Okay, so the walk was really lame. He just wanted to vent about D14 and her overuse of technology (just like his own). So I validated, was my happy adjusted self, didn't ask any questions. Then at the end he asked if he could borrow the weed-eater. Apparently his rental doesn't have lawn service after all, as he had thought. I told him to take it since I don't even know how to use it anyway. He can't accuse me of not being generous. I wonder now if his request to go for a walk was just a pretext for borrowing the weed-eater all along. So lame. He could have just asked and I would have given it to him. I could care less! Anyway, it was a good interaction for me because it made me realize that I'm not attracted to him at all right now, and that I might be okay with just being friends and co-parents after all.

I know I swing back and forth on that point. Some days I still mourn the loss of the relationship that I thought I had. I do know that if he decides to come back, I'll be willing to work on the R, but no guarantees on my part.

Anyway, feeling much better and stronger than I did just a couple of days ago -- even better than I did this morning.

Also, he mentioned that a friend's daughter was playing music at a coffee shop on Friday and he would be taking our daughter to hear her. He invited me to join, but I said I already have plans (he didn't ask what they might be). And I DO have plans -- to go hear a band with a meetup group. So glad I lined that up! I wonder if he's even curious, or just relieved that he's off the hook if I've found someone else (even though that is not my intention and certainly not the case).


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Originally Posted By: Ahoy
Anyway, it was a good interaction for me because it made me realize that I'm not attracted to him at all right now, and that I might be okay with just being friends and co-parents after all.

I know I swing back and forth on that point. Some days I still mourn the loss of the relationship that I thought I had. I do know that if he decides to come back, I'll be willing to work on the R, but no guarantees on my part.


I feel that way too. I hope that my husband will eventually decide to work on the marriage for the sake of our children and because in my rational mind, I know that we once had a loving, worthwhile marriage, and it seems worth trying to save. That being said, I am miles away from having loving feelings towards my H right now, and actually have a hard time visualizing what a reconciliation would look like. I have no idea if he can ever be that partner again, if this MLC/affair fog (or whatever he's going through) will change him permanently, or for that matter, if I will be changed permanently by all of this. Who knows? I guess only time will tell, but on my good days, I am certainly going to use that time for myself and for my girls.


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Good to hear from you, raliced. It's weird to stand for a relationship that you're not sure you want to save, right? But I do feel that it's the right thing to do. At least for now.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
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You know, lately I find myself fixated on what like post divorce would be life far in the future: kids graduations and weddings, having mutual grandchildren together, deaths in the family etc. All of that seems like it would be just a lifetime of forever awkwardness. At the moment, I find that more motivating to try and salvage the relationship, but that's just today :-)

Last edited by raliced; 09/16/14 09:22 PM.

2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
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Originally Posted By: Ahoy
Good to hear from you, raliced. It's weird to stand for a relationship that you're not sure you want to save, right? But I do feel that it's the right thing to do. At least for now.



I think most of us on this roller coaster have those thoughts often .. I know I am there right now. I have found some sense of normal amid the storm, and at the time being I am ok alone ... and wouldn't ya know it .. once I get to that spot here the WAW comes making efforts to try and communicate ... time will tell I suppose.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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