No R talks- especially via text. Good googly that's a no no. There is nothing magical for you to say to reconcile your R. Your old R is done and I know that just sukks to hear. Arguing with your xbf is not going to get you closer to him. Focus on you. Live your life and focus on being the best you Two Sided you can be. I don't mean to be harsh-that's just the truth. Being the best Two sided is the way to reattract him if that is what you want.
What are your 180s? What changes have you been making for yourself?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I'm never home anymore, I hardly ever go online except these boards on my phone, I keep the house tidy. I'm playing softball and hanging out with friends. Wearing dresses, perfume, caring about my appearance again. Internet Addicts Anonymous meetings.
All I did before was go online and work, so this is a huge lifestyle change. It's all a 180, really.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
That's great to hear. However, this takes time and there is nothing you are going to SAY that is going to change your sitch. Keep up the changes for you!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I know. A weak moment caught me. It feels like my soul has been ripped from my chest. Yuck. I feel hopeless and I hate that.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Crappy day transformed into some depression. Didn't get out of bed until 2pm today because I just couldn't stand feeling the same old agony in my body anymore. Tried some meditation and fell asleep again. Oops.
Even though I know for a fact that anything can change at any time, and I'm not supposed to believe what he says (because he's only focused on the negative and it takes a while for that to fade), I can't stop thinking about the things said in that text exchange last night.
There was a lot of blame on me, some deserved and some not, obviously only focusing on the last year or two of our relationship and apparently forgetting any good that ever existed in 8 years and about how he "so appreciates me as a person" but his "mind and heart are not on continuing an R with [me]".
I declared that focusing on the past wasn't fair when he had someone willing, ready and able to change those issues for the present and future, not only for herself, but for the relationship.
THIS is why you listen to the rules, kids, and don't get into R talks when your H/W isn't interested -- because it only hurts you.
When he came home last night with SD12, everything was "normal" in terms of he was friendly. He went out of his way to tell me good night when he finally turned in to bed on the couch.
I just can't get myself out of a hopeless head space today. And the weather is gorgeous, so I feel very guilty about wanting to hermit inside, too.
ALSO still wondering how I can get more input on my thread. I appreciate that one person has taken an interest but it seems like others pass it by, even though I post on others' threads, too. Hmmmmm!
Last edited by Two Sided Coin; 09/14/1406:54 PM.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
It bugs me how H maintains this friendly, "nothing is wrong in my world, let's be friends" attitude. Not because I want there to be strife between us, but because I can't use his behavior as a measurement of his mood or the DBing progress.
I, of course, return the pleasantness and try to show him only a PMA and cooperation, but....you know what I'm saying?
Last night he came home from wherever he'd been all Sunday long (I later found out he went to visit a couple who have been long time friends of his with SD12 -- I wonder if he told them that we'd split; I really liked them) and he was chatty and yet again began playing with the cats, making the kitten run around like a madman after a laser pointer. The kitten is growing like a weed and we have a chest-high gate originally meant to keep them from getting into the living room. When he was very little, he would just slip right through the bars, but now he's bigger and having a tough time fitting and not realizing what the issue is (Duh! You're growing!). We were messing with him, making him squeeze through after the pointer, and since he was running like the wind he wasn't being careful about the mooshing and was making the gate rock when he yanked his hind-end through. It was hilarious, and we were cracking up.
All that amounts to diddle squat as far as it's "standard operating procedure" and it bothers me. I know -- I have expectations and I need to detatch.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Went to a flea market/auction with a girlfriend after work (he had no idea whom I was with) and, knowing H is into such things I asked if he's ever heard of the one we were going to. We had a flurry of text messages through out the evening, discussing pieces and the hobby. A good flow of conversation.
I got home way after him, and we watched some TV for a while, separate on the couch. We played with the cats again. Giggled and laughed.
It lead into more intimacy. Odd how I expect nothing to come of sex, but it's fun!
I wanted to point out that if we had spent time together at the auction and snuggled while watching TV and then gone to the same bed after sex -- all of which were very do-able-- we'd be "working on the R" and it wasn't so bad, was it?
I didn't of course, but man.....
Last edited by Two Sided Coin; 09/16/1403:17 AM.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Two: coming in late to chk on your sitch, since u were kind enuf to weigh in on mine.
I swing back and forth between DB'g for me and doing it hoping for a result, too. But with practice I am getting better. I CHOSE to come home to my family tonight in good humor. To be a ROCK. And they needed it. Details are mundane, but after dealing with stressed kids, wife, and oldest D, W gave me a hug and apologized for being so grumpy!!
That's after a minor backslide yesterday when I insisted on R talk, which went about as expected.
Keep it up making a better you! And I'll read the whole thread here to get some insight.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Thanks for the check in! Been lonely around here!!
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
It's great that you've had some positive exchanges with him. I don't say this to be harsh-just honest after some time spent here. Don't confuse intimacy,sex laughter with you xbf working on the R. I hear you saying that you don't, however, you are very attached. Focus on detaching. It's a process and you will feel much, much better once you get that started. It is rather obvious in your posts that you think *something* will make him change his mind or *snap out of it.*
Keep reading and posting.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 09/16/1412:33 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
