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Wet. You wanted honesty from your W right? Isn't that what you got right there?

She cares. She loves you. She can't be married to you. i.e. it's not about you. Her actions seem to back that up if you think about it.

She's messed up and she knows it. But it's not that she doesn't respect you nor love you (in her way, vs. what you would expect).

Is there more to the story?

Glad you have the support you are going to need. Hope it goes well and you recover twice as fast as they expect you to smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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Originally Posted By: Wet
The next text from W is what set me off. W texts:

I will always care for you, and I will always love you. I left you because I can't be married to you. Not because I don't care for you.

I shot off a text response:

Love and marriage takes a lot of work, which neither of us were able to do. So all I hear from you is blah, blah, blah, blah.

My physical today went well, it looks like it's all engines go for Friday's surgery.



I'm glad that you at least recognized that your emotions were high...

Cause you sure did act on them here....

Your response to her was pretty guilt laden, and pretty disrespectful towards how she feels...

I know that you don't really feel that way, or you wouldn't be posting here to save your Marriage...

So why show her something that isn't true ? And filled with guilt, and judgement once again (what is up with that anyway ? )

I hope that your surgery goes well buddy....

And really think about who you are inside, and the message that you send when you are interacting with her....

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Ow. That did not go at all as I expected. I just met W, and after I confronted W about her "adulterous" affair, she told me she will see her attorney next week to file our divorce.

I have my scary surgery tomorrow morning. So I went to W's place to give s13 and d17 a hug and tell them I love them. I did not want my last words to W to be my last text where I told her "blah, blah, blah". So I was realllly trying to say nothing but comforting and uplifting words.

So the issue is why I would not tell W which hospital I was having my surgery. We both agreed d17 should be at the hospital with my family. I suggested d17 stay overnight at my parents and they could all drive together. W snapped, no, d17 will be here, and she would drive d17 to hospital. And then W's deadly question came:

"Why don't you want me to be at the hospital with you?"

I told her the truth - that because W was in an adulterous relationship, I did not want her there. Then I came down on her that she even told our d20 about this, which was not right.

W countered but you've been on dates. I calmly explained that we had agreed to a 3 month trial divorce, but that is now over. Then I made sure that she keeps OM away from our children, and she agreed.

Then I asked W why she has not signed the divorce agreement I prepared and gave to her in March. She says she would not sign that, and that she is seeing her attorney next week. The divorce papers will be coming.

The weird thing about this was that there was no emotion, no yelling, just stone cold attitudes from both of us.

I have never confronted my W about her behavior at any time during our separation. So I felt good that I finally told her that what she was doing was wrong. I still have no emotion about this, but instead a feeling of resignation that our 22 year marriage finally is coming to an end.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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I had two thoughts reading your last couple of posts. The first was maybe it is time to let her go. Really let her go. Not the I am hoping this all works my way kind of let her go, but the ok, I am letting you go and do whatever it is you have to do and I am going to be doing the same, for me.

The second thing was that for every strong and sturdy building there is a strong foundation. The old is all torn down and the new is built up. Let go of what was. You can't go back there, to where you used to be. Anything that comes now will be new.

You will go into surgery tomorrow and come out with a new lease on your life. You will be given a fresh start. Make the most of it.

kat


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Sage advice as always Kat. Thank you. Yes, as you can see from my interactions with W this week, I no longer am caring to just back off and let W be. And W is showing that she is done as well, and so you are correct. I need to drop the proverbial rope, and let the divorce move forward. I feel I am in a much better place to accept this now as compared to when I first joined the board.

Thanks Mach1 for pointing out my being judgmental toward my W. You are correct. What I tolerated before, and acted "as if" it didn't matter to me, I am no longer tolerating. I also am making sure the first priority is that our kids are protected from W and her actions. Wish me well tomorrow!


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Good luck Wet with the operation. You will come thru in flying colors with a new beginning waiting for you. You will make the right decisions. Just make sure they are for you and your children and not out of anger. I am at the same place as you are. I have to accept how ill my wife is and let her go as well. I expect to see my divorce finished this year in time for the new year. New year and a new beginning.


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D final 1-2015
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Wishing you a speedy recovery!

kat


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Thank you everyone for your support and prayers. I am doing well.

So the surgeon placed three spacers in my neck spine. And this immediately provided the spinal fluid to the rest of my spine, which was missing. I already feel strength increasing in my left arm. The doctor told me that I should feel 5 years younger, and that I probably was worn down in the afternoons (yes) and that I should have new amounts of energy to help with this.

I was up walking about shortly after the surgery. Even though the surgeon put a plate to connect the three spine parts in the back of my throat, I've been able to eat soft foods. I've also been to my 1st physical therapy, and all is going better than expected or could have been hoped for.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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So glad to hear things went well with the surgery, Wet! I hope your doc is right, and you have more energy than before. smile

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Very nice to hear!


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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