MLC W Dates Lotsa Men, Part IV

[kat727]

Does she think she is above getting a regular job and doing her photography on the side? It must be terrible being 48 and having to work.

I just don't get it. I have worked since I was 15 and sometimes 2 or 3 jobs at a time with 1 job always being full time. I get that I may not be the norm, but I don't think she is either.

kat

[CaliGuy]

I think the memory thing is a side effect of the MLC crazy .... my W can not get our schedule with the S down yet .. 10 months later, I have him the exact same 3 nights a week, she also seems to be having $$ issues ... had me transfer some over as she "didnt have time, next day I got to buy lunch, and also we should take my car up north because she is worried about miles on her, (plus the empty gas tank) ... I just played along.

[Wet]

Hi Kat, you have the gift of Wisdom and Common Sense. My W separated from me over 15 months ago. The MLC makes her only think of what she has been missing out on life. Reality is here - I thought her parent's were helping her with the rent. I guess I was wrong.

She mentioned getting a "2nd job" in today's conversation. One where she really has to work, get a real paycheck, which she hasn't had during the past 20 years of our marriage.

CaiGuy, the focus on $$$ and things like gas money is noticeable with my W. When she lost her car keys last weekend, she told me how sorry she was for me having to drive our d17 and the expense of the gas. I live 10 minutes away from her and it's all highway miles. It seemed like an odd comment to me at the time, but it does show where her focus is now.

[Wet]

I was hit with W's ball of confusion this morning. She is leaving for an overnight stay to help a female friend who is having health issues, a couple of hours away. So she asked me to take s13, and make sure he gets to school tomorrow. I agree.

W has been calling me lately, so I call her this morning and ask when I can pick up s13 this afternoon. She's leaving at 2 pm, so it doesn't matter, anytime after he gets home from school. End of conversation.

I remember a 2nd question, and call W right back. She chuckles. What time does school start? She had no idea. Look it up on the website. Seems kind of odd that since she has him during the school week that she doesn't know when the school starts, but ok.

I check the school website, and sure enough school is canceled both tomorrow and Friday. I call W for a third time, I ask if she missed me, and she jokes right back that she must have since I keep calling her. And I let her know that there is no school the next two days, and that I can't take s13 tomorrow as I will be in the hospital myself. So s13 and 17 will be by themselves until she comes back sometime tomorrow. Not ideal, but it is what it is.

How does W not know that the kids don't have school the next two days. I just don't understand having that kind of confusion over her and our kid's schedule. Glad I was there to clear away the confusion before it was too late though. Crazy.

[Mach1]

I remember a 2nd question, and call W right back. She chuckles. What time does school start? She had no idea. Look it up on the website. Seems kind of odd that since she has him during the school week that she doesn't know when the school starts, but ok.

I check the school website, and sure enough school is canceled both tomorrow and Friday. I call W for a third time, I ask if she missed me, and she jokes right back that she must have since I keep calling her. And I let her know that there is no school the next two days, and that I can't take s13 tomorrow as I will be in the hospital myself. So s13 and 17 will be by themselves until she comes back sometime tomorrow. Not ideal, but it is what it is.

How does W not know that the kids don't have school the next two days. I just don't understand having that kind of confusion over her and our kid's schedule. Glad I was there to clear away the confusion before it was too late though. Crazy.

Wait.....you didn't know either.....

This goes back to that judgement thing I was talking about the other day....

If it comes across in your thoughts, it will come through in your words, and will come through in your actions eventually...


As far as what time school starts ???

I have two teenagers too, and I have 50% custody, and I couldn't tell you what time their school starts either....

The oldest gets the bus at 6:50 , and gets home at 2:40.

My Son gets on the bus at 7:36, and gets home at 3:35...

What time does school start ?

I don't have a clue. Prolly somewhere in the middle ??

[CaliGuy]

I will admit .. my memory is worse now than before too. And Wet .... totally get it .. I often have to ask the schedule, where to go for certain things concerning S and his school, just because now I am more involved and have never done these things .. they were in her domain for as long as we have had a child. I do not mind doing it .. and I think sometimes they resent us for this.

The memory thing ... yeah .. I think its worse for the MLCrs but us LBS's are not immune either, just last week I rode my Harley to work, left the keys in it and on .... why ... my mind was preoccupied with WAW and a curve she threw me. I can not imagine all the things and ideas bouncing around in theirs .... probably why we smack each other around with 2x4's for attempting the impossible mind read with em eh?

[kat727]

I just wonder why it is a problem for your kids to stay home together during the day. Does she live in a bad neighborhood? I mean they are 13 and 17. They won't be alone. Heck, I was babysitting when I was 13.

Is tomorrow your surgery?

Also I would get in the habit of printing off the school calendar month by month. Just good to stay connected. Hang in there.

kat

[AJM]

Another thing that causes memory loss? Stress. Seems fairly normal to me that both you and your W would not remember things that previously, together, you did. Stress is biatch.

When I was believing my ex's junk (i.e. still on the train) I forgot things. There were also things, like Caliguy, I had to learn because in the past we were a team. As a member of a team, I did things regularly to the point of not thinking about it. Others, she did. When she left, there was a learning curve for us both.

It's not all nefarious

The mind reading? Yeah, it's easy to fall into that judgemental trap. Try to avoid that and stop expecting things you use to expect. The less you expect from her, the less you'll be disappointed.


AJ

[Wet]

The other shoe has dropped. I sat down and talked with d20, who saw W yesterday. W is no longer dating lotsa other men. W told d20 that she has now narrowed it down to one other man.

I don't know why this hurts more than when my W was dating with many other guys. I guess it is now real, that W may move forward, get a divorce, and marry this other guy that makes this a bit more real.

Some bits about the OM. He has multiple sclerosis, and one leg is shorter than the other. He is funny. He is an accountant. He has the same first name as I do. When will she sign the d papers? W needs to get her own lawyer first, to make sure she gets more.

It's a new day, and I know I don't like the direction.

[kat727]

Now more than ever put that focus back on you and your kids. If what your daughter said floored you, imagine what it is doing to her. With your two youngest living with her (why are they living with her again?) imagine how it is tearing them up watching their mother act like a lost, crazy person.

I know you keep trying to figure her out but she doesn't make sense. None of them do. You need to stop looking there for answers. Look inside yourself, stay strong for your kids and help get the 5 of you on a healthy track.

Your wife chose her path and she needs to get through it herself. There is no speeding it up or talking sense to her.

Hang in there.

kat