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Ahoy Offline OP
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Glad I can provide some moments of well-deserved levity! I find that it's good to seek the humor in these otherwise crazy circumstances. I do think polka is a natural anti-depressant! And 50 years doing anything is probably too long, so no rose-colored glasses there. Feeling better today, thanks to all the guidance!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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Ahoy Offline OP
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Also, my H is color blind, so how does he know if the grass is REALLY greener?

Anyway, I love that expression: The grass is greener where you water it.

Wish everyone saw it that way!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
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How about... the grass is greener where you don't pee on it??


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Love that!

So I have another funny story. Last night I started having sharp stomach pains, went to bed, but woke up 7 hours later in the middle of the night still having the pains. I called the nurse line and she said it's either gas or appendicitis. I panicked a bit because I didn't want to take myself to the ER and leave my daughter, because if I did need emergency surgery then my H would have to pick her up. (We've been living separately for just over a month.)

So I call him and tell him what's going on. I really don't have anyone else here that I can call in the middle of the night to help with things like that. He said he would have reached out to me in similar circumstances. He comes over, takes me to ER, and waits with me (although I try to encourage him to go get some sleep). After three hours of waiting, my stomach feels better and we give up waiting to be seen.

It's a bit embarrassing that I dragged my H out of bed across town to sit with me for three hours with GAS at the ER, but there you have it. He was nice about it, and we actually had great friendly conversation during that time.

He mentioned that he was enjoying his new place -- being "a big boy" and doing his own laundry, but that of course he loves and cares about me. (I am not mistaking this for romantic love. He later said that he will always care about me because I am his "baby momma. And I'm sorry but I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing and said "that is so lame!" before correcting course and saying, "Of course, I'll always care about you as the father of our daughter."

AND, I'm sorry but I also did mention the holiday plans and that I wasn't trying to exclude him, just needed to make plans for myself (I couldn't help it! I know!!!!). But I felt like he was reaching out for a friend, and he had been feeling excluded by our other friends.

There was also some nice friendly hugs, but nothing romantic.

Anyway, the good news is that I felt that we were establishing a connection as friends. And maybe that's all it will ever be from here on out. I don't want to have a fraught relationship with him, as we will need to work as partners with our daughter for years to come. Although I miss his companionship, and obviously still need him for support in some ways (hello ER), I could see a world in which we are just friends, and that was okay.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Nov 2011
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Quote:
But I felt like he was reaching out for a friend, and he had been feeling excluded by our other friends.
Don't try to solve his problems.

I hope you can have a friendly R with him because it's best for everyone involved but steer (that'll be hard as you don't have a paddle) away from a friendly codependent R.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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You are right, of course!!! It's hard to turn off the compassion toward him, especially when he was doing me a huge favor.

He had complained that none of his friends had come by his new place (although I know of two who have), and was jealous that our friends had asked me to dinner, invited me to birthdays, etc. One of his complaints in MC (the two times we went) was that we had different friends (which is bizarre because it's not true, although it is true that I have more and deeper friendships, and he complained often that he didn't).

Regardless, you are right! I was trying to validate (and contradict) his statement about not having friends, and trying to be a friend to him since he was being friendly to me. It's hard to be detached and mysterious when you are having gas pains in an ER waiting room! ARGH!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
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Validate: "That must be difficult."

It gets easier. smile


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
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So I was listing to The Moth podcast today, which was about relationships, and happened to include this quote from Winston Churchill:

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

Seems fitting.

H has been extra friendly since the whole "gas emergency at the ER" incident.

The next day (last night) we had a tornado warning, so we texted back and forth to let him know we were safe in basement at my place.

Then today, he emailed me a photo of daughter and friend at the park from last week (he also copied this friend, who I think he is afraid has chosen sides -- she calls him a 'poo-poo head' though he doesn't know this).

I think he's happy because it seems that I'm okay with just being friends and coparents. And maybe I am, I guess. I mean, why would I want a partner like him who behaves in this way, and how could I ever trust him again? So maybe it's for the best. Still, he will have to initiate the D because I still don't see the reasoning behind it. Although I suspect it's some kind of affair. No way to know without snooping, and that does not interest me in the least.

In other news, I have many GAL plans for the coming week. A jazz bar on Saturday with a girlfriend, a Meetup group movie and dinner on Sunday, hiking group Monday, live music on Tuesday, yoga and gym on Wednesday, and a potluck barn dance and hayride on Saturday. So there's that!

How do I add my stats at the bottom of my posts?


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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edz Offline
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Originally Posted By: Ahoy
How do I add my stats at the bottom of my posts?


Hiya

fairly new to the forum but I can answer that one smile go to "my stuff" above then edit your profile and put it in the signature box.

All the best
smile
Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
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Ahoy Offline OP
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Thank you, Edz!


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
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