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IF you don't hear from HR today, you'll need to ask your father for a loan so that you can pay the security deposit on the spot if you find what you are looking for. Don't let another one slip through your fingers because you didn't have the money available at the time you looked at the place.

Good luck and travel safely.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Heather,

I've been in lurk mode for a while, but have been silently cheering you on. I'm from the Finger Lakes area of NY. What brings me out of the woodwork is the mention of house prep for the winter (good idea) and space heaters (yikes!). Reducing energy use is my field and my passion.

Unless you have insanely low electric rates (Watertown doesn't, as far as my googling can tell), then electric space heaters cost more to run than your furnace or boiler. Yes, even the Pelonis type. Think of them as an expensive bandaid.

"Ventless" gas heaters are only safe if your house is really drafty and you're not smart enough to seal up the air leaks.

As others suggested, windows are often leaky, so sealing them is a good first step. The fireplace chimney is probably pulling a lot of air out, too.

The easiest, cheapest way to save on heating and cooling is to stop the air leaks. However, you need to be careful to make sure there is still enough fresh air so that furnace fumes don't backdraft and mold doesn't grow in the bathroom. Many utilities offer substantial rebates on a comprehensive energy audit. They find out where the air leaks are in the building and they test to make sure there is no backdrafting risk. It's a great idea if available.

As you are looking for places to live, be sure to account for the cost of commuting. Places that are further out may have lower rents, but add in a reasonable estimate of the mileage costs (if not time) in order to make a reasonable comparison.

You are doing a great job of launching your latest adventure. Feel free to pick my brain about reducing the utility bills. It's my favorite topic. You can also find me on FB.

Say hey to Betsey if you see her before I do. smile


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Thanks Stubborn!! When I have a chance, I will definitely pick your knowledgeable brain!!


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

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I need to let go of some of this...

I met with my atty. He said we started this process one year ago and we haven't really made any headway at all. It's been four+ months and Smokey's atty hasn't even responded to our dissolution proposal. I guess this is par for the course with this atty.

So, my atty suggests I file for divorce. He feels that this will give Smokey's atty some...a little anyway...structure/time frame to respond because the courts will enforce some time frames.

So, I left the atty and he said that the first thing he would do would be to contact Smokey's atty and hope and pray that he responds and agrees to my filing for divorce and lifting any restraint on my moving to NY.

Smokey's atty, miraculously, responded and gave the OK. So, I meet with my atty again next week and we go over what we will need to do to file for divorce. This means I will be paying more. MORE. But, I can ask for what I feel is fair and IDK...I'm scared. I just want this done. DONE. Dammit.

But, I'm glad we have the OK on leaving. I guess the next step is getting some order for an exact temporary support figure. Who knows how long this will take. I'm pretty angry with Smokey today. This is B.S.

Anyway...so, no sooner did I get off the phone with my atty than I receive this pleasant a$$ text from Smokey.

(Now, mind you, in the midst of all this atty stuff and whatever...I'm stopping to tutor a client and I'm making arrangements with the newspaper to put us up for two more nights and to direct deposit my relocation allowance...which I wish I had handled earlier...I was afraid to ask. Dumb. Hopefully, the money will be in place by Tuesday. But, my mom is going with us and I know I can ask for her to use her credit card on a security deposit if I have to. I know I will PAY for it in guilt and whatever, but it's good she will be there).

Smokey: Congrats. Just heard you took the job in Watertown. How's D12 taking the idea of moving? I'm very happy for you and I support you in doing this.

WTF????????


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

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Me: Thanks, I appreciate that. D12 is scared but excited. We all are.

Smokey: D20 is back at school isn't she? When will you be moving? Or should I say when do you start? It looks like a nice town.

Me: It is a nice town. D20 isn't in school, she is coming with. She is looking at Syracuse, but we still owe the $2500 (the money he promised to pay!) to school before she can enroll anywhere else.

Me: I don't have a place yet, so I have to lock that down before I know an official start date.

Smokey: I thought she had gotta a ten thousand dollar student loan? (Um, that was last year)

Me: It was too late to add the $2500 (when he told me he wouldn't be paying) to her loans last spring. That needs to be paid off before she can go back.

Smokey: Oh Ok, is she working?

Me: Yes

Smokey: Where?

Me: XXX

Smokey: Good for her. hope it's going well for her.

Me: Thanks for support and encouragement. gotta go.

Smokey: OK bye.


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Between the atty and the divorce news and Smokey's suprise encouraging support and barrage of questions...I'm shaking a bit. I handled it all ok. Little Heather was a little freaked out. Big Heather stepped in and shut the convo down. Enough.

My atty was very nice this morning. I began to cry a bit when I brought up Smokey's lack of anything in D12's life. He said he believes our moving is going to be a good thing. Smokey will probably just let us be...I started to say how sad I feel for D12 and he said...well, to her, this is becoming normal. To you, you see how things should be...for her...this is her normal and that makes it ok. It helped.

Don't get the surprise text though. He didn't respond when I wished him a Happy B'Day...but, now?? When his atty tells him I'm filing for divorce?

I sense he is relieved we are leaving and unhappy with his current life all at the same time.

Last edited by LoisB; 09/12/14 05:06 PM.

"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Heather, since you are "moving upward and onward", this has to have Smokey a bit stirred up. From what I've read, they want us to stay where we are, and not be happy, not move forward....be miserable.... And you're not doing that. Seems his antenna is up wondering what's going on, and why aren't you unhappy like him.

I agree with your atty. D12 is used to "the new normal". My S16 has Asperger's, too smile. (Don't think I shared that before, but hasn't been relevant either). Our move away from his dad removed so much stress from his life. It was the best thing we ever did.

Smokey may seem relieved.... But remember to believe none of what they say. smile

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Unless I'm missing something, I don't see where he's unhappy w/his current life from the conversation that you had. He's relieved that you've filed and are taking the bull by the horns. He didn't want to file because it would have cost him more money. Yep, the person who files, generally has to pay more in costs.

As for his interest in the girls, it was to see where they are at in their current day-to-day living and he was curious to see if your D20 was in college and wouldn't come out and say it, but wanted to know how you could afford to send her. I do find it interesting that he's looked up where you are relocating to. Funny, he's shown so very little interest in his old life and now he's finally showing just a wee bit of interest because quite frankly, he thought you would be right where he left you and you would never do anything w/your life. He has no clue as to the person you've become.

Heather, don't allow that "posting from the alien" get you down. Continue to move forward and once everything falls into place, your life will be so much better and you'll know exactly what you are entitled to and when you should get support money and there will be no of this nonsense of having to beg him for things (hopefully).

Keep your focus on what needs to be done for your trip.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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But, Job, I need him to be unhappy. He didn't choose me. I need him to be miserable.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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It hurts too much to think of him "happy" with his new life and his new woman and no "us."


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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