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Well I got an email today from my fiancé telling me to call her while I am at work and she is visiting my parents and my daughter, she wanted to tell me about the appointment she had with my counselor, she said it seemed like he was pushing for the relationship to work and like it wasn't focused on me. I told her that's not what he should have been doing and he mentioned to her about trying a trial relationship to see if she noticed any changes in me, she wasn't totally opposed to it but said she cant be hurt again and needs to think it over for a few days while she goes to see my friends who are a happily married couple, I didn't push the idea at all just said I was up for it if she felt she could do it, she said she doesn't want to give me any false hope because she really doesn't know if she can try again and get hurt again but im looking at this in a positive way, before she said its over and her mind was made up, she had also seen a counselor to deal with own issues, hoping for the best, any other advice?

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Where did the replies to my post go? there were a few replies here and more from me, they were made before the board was down for maintenance.

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We talked again and it was her idea, she said shes still working on herself and needs to figure things out because she has done wrong herself, she wanted my work schedule to plan a time to be home together and talk, she wouldn't get into relationship stuff but I found out that when she first left she took me off of her work benefits because she was mad, she called and said she was sorry and had already called to get me back on and that she was just mad and shouldn't have done it, im hoping this is a small change and her therapist is actually working with her for a future together and not just helping her walk away.

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Well this thread isn't getting much attention but ill try again anyway. I emailed her from work and said we need to have a quick chat, maybe this was wrong im not sure, its been 12 weeks since we saw each other because of our jobs, she wont be home again this time that I am but the next time in November she will be and said we can talk about what went wrong, finances and other things, I really want to have a talk before that because its driving me nuts and I need her to know a few things, like how hard it is right now financially with a new house almost 500,000 and all the other bills she walked away from and to tell her that I still want counselling to make us work, any insight on this, I want to have some contact before we meet so she still knows that I actually care.

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Hi Stealth,

I'm sorry you find yourself here. May I make a suggestion for getting more responses on your thread? Utilize the signature feature with the vital stats. Day of BD, ages, etc. I find the signature jogs my memory about what is going on in each poster's sitch. When its not there I have to go back and read the whole thread to remember what's going on. You mentioned she is seeing a therapist. Are you seeing one as well?


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Originally Posted By: Shakspr


Try to use good grammar and structure your posts in a way that is pleasing to the eye.



Stealth, I hope you take this in the spirit in which it is intended. Your posts are really hard to read. They show up as one big giant run on sentence with no punctuation, no capitals, and no paragraphs. I'm guessing that you are using voice dictation from your phone. I believe you'll get a better response if you take a little extra time to make them easier to read.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Originally Posted By: rppfl
Originally Posted By: Shakspr


Try to use good grammar and structure your posts in a way that is pleasing to the eye.



Stealth, I hope you take this in the spirit in which it is intended. Your posts are really hard to read. They show up as one big giant run on sentence with no punctuation, no capitals, and no paragraphs. I'm guessing that you are using voice dictation from your phone. I believe you'll get a better response if you take a little extra time to make them easier to read.
Yeah I am currently offshore and have very limited time online. She is seeing a therapist and I am seeing one about my anger as well. In a previous post I mentioned that she said "I don't know what to do, I don't want to give you any false hope and yes we will try". When we talked on the phone before she started to cry and seemed like she was willing to try but wouldn't come right out and say it. I talked to her sister without her knowing and her sister told me that she was sad when she talked to me and said I sounded very positive and what she is doing is really hard and making her sad, she said she didn't know what to do. She visited a couple friends of mine and she said she is scared to try again because there might not be a change in me. That's why im wondering if I should talk to her when im home and tell her whats going on because we don't have any time together so she can actually see the changes ive been making, and I have been making some, its just a bad situation all around.

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Well we are going to be talking tomorrow night. I'm just thinking I should bring everything up from the financial issues all the way to asking if she will come see a therapist with me to see what direction this is headed.

Now she did take her ring off but when I call her cell I still come up as "hubby" and she still has all of our pictures together on her Facebook, its really confusing.

We will be meeting for a face to face talk in November but I think I need to get some stuff out in the open before then and it will give us time to make an appointment with a therapist for that time as well. I'm totally lost.

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Don't give up waiting for responses. Once you are off moderation, things will speed up.

In order to help, we may have to ask questions, okay? Had you fallen in love with her while you were still in the former relationship?

I am glad to see you realize you need help managing anger. Hopefully, it will help with the stress also. When my stress builds until I can't deal, my anger is bursting to show out. We need to find some healthy outlet, b/c anger does damage to others and to ourselves.

Did you have similar problems in the former relationship? Life is full of stress, and can kill relationships.

Others will come along to offer support. In the meantime, read the Divorce Remedy book and Michele W. Davis DB material on YouTube and the articles here on the web site.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
Don't give up waiting for responses. Once you are off moderation, things will speed up.

In order to help, we may have to ask questions, okay? Had you fallen in love with her while you were still in the former relationship?

I am glad to see you realize you need help managing anger. Hopefully, it will help with the stress also. When my stress builds until I can't deal, my anger is bursting to show out. We need to find some healthy outlet, b/c anger does damage to others and to ourselves.

Did you have similar problems in the former relationship? Life is full of stress, and can kill relationships.

Others will come along to offer support. In the meantime, read the Divorce Remedy book and Michele W. Davis DB material on YouTube and the articles here on the web site.

I was on my way out of the last relationship when I met her, it was over just making it final at the time. I had feelings for her but wouldn't say I was completely in love.

The problems in the previous relationship were nothing like these, before it was all about my ex stealing money and never going to work etc. This time its because w work to much and never see each other. That was the plan to pay things off and have her move home and stop working away but the stress of never seeing each other got to me and I was always angry and I guess I took it out on her.

We will be talking on the phone tonight and I'm not really sure what to say, I have some ideas.

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