Can I get her back??..

[LoveMyW]

I suppose you could say I'm jealous in some ways how everything seems to be "water off a ducks back" for her, while I am trying to dig myself out of hell.. Sandi2,you are a former WAW aren't you??.. Is this how you felt??..

Apologies for the double post.. My edit button seems to be missing..

[jim0987]

Hi LoveMyW.

You've got remember that a big part of facebook is a competition of people trying to make out they have the best life. Its basically public gloating.

She is also probably liking this stuff about 'life is to short' because it fits with her coping mechanism. I accept that I'm probably mind reading on your behalf but I would say when kids are involved the person who doesn't want to work at it is either completely heartless or will be looking for ways to justify things to them self

I'm sure someone who knows a lot more about this stuff than I do would say to not worry about what she is doing, do what you need to do to make you happy.

Don't get me wrong its really (censored) hard - I'm struggling that my W seems to be going out and getting blind drunk once a week and that her mates are trying to fix her up with other men. Made worse by the fact that I've been trying to get her to go out and enjoy herself for the last couple if years but she always had an excuse. I figure its about proving to herself that I'm the problem making what she is doing easier for her. But still all that dwelling on that does is feed my insecurities and make me less attractive (I'm less good at hiding this than I thought I was).

So back to the point - work on your own GAL'g and do things that make you happy.

[LoveMyW]

Hi LoveMyW.

You've got remember that a big part of facebook is a competition of people trying to make out they have the best life. Its basically public gloating.

She is also probably liking this stuff about 'life is to short' because it fits with her coping mechanism. I accept that I'm probably mind reading on your behalf but I would say when kids are involved the person who doesn't want to work at it is either completely heartless or will be looking for ways to justify things to them self

I'm sure someone who knows a lot more about this stuff than I do would say to not worry about what she is doing, do what you need to do to make you happy.

Don't get me wrong its really (censored) hard - I'm struggling that my W seems to be going out and getting blind drunk once a week and that her mates are trying to fix her up with other men. Made worse by the fact that I've been trying to get her to go out and enjoy herself for the last couple if years but she always had an excuse. I figure its about proving to herself that I'm the problem making what she is doing easier for her. But still all that dwelling on that does is feed my insecurities and make me less attractive (I'm less good at hiding this than I thought I was).

So back to the point - work on your own GAL'g and do things that make you happy.

Thanks for your reply Jim..

I know what you are saying about FB being a weeing contest, but she never used to be like that on there, and that is whats getting up my nose!!.. I don't intend to turn it in to the contest between us either as I want people to see that I am the better person in that respect, even though I am more than likely looking too much in to it..

You could well be right about it being a coping mechanism too.. When I bought it up early in the S, W has said she has always liked stuff like that, but TBH I never really noticed before (but I don't really pay all that much attention to FB so she probably has).. She hasn't blatantly said she doesn't want to work on M, but has said "she is happy with her life at this point in time"..

I am trying to do what makes me happy as much as I can.. I'm just having a bit of a rollercoaster moment as I am missing my kids, and missing W as well.. I am detaching as much as I can, but sometimes the feelings fight their way back through..

Yes, I have read your sitch, and what your W is doing, and I am sad at what she is putting you through.. Fortunately, my W hasn't been doing that, and I don't think her friends would be trying to fix her up either, but I can't be certain as I am not there..

I'm showing PMA in our chats, even though it is almost NC at the moment (my choice).. Yes, I'll keep to my GAL'ing!!..

[jim0987]

My Ws best friend has been having a PA for sometime and has been making plans to leave their husband for OM. I suspect she is encouraging some of this as she wants a partner in crime and is feeding a lot of grass is greener £#%&.

Detaching is always going to be hard, if it wasn't then why are we bothering to try and save the marriage. Keep up the PMA and I hope things work out for you

[LoveMyW]

Thanks Jim!!..

[LoveMyW]

Forgot to mention, why do WAW's have to be so unpredictable??.. NC seems to be having an effect I must say, and taking notes of when it works believe you me!!..

In between my last 2 post, I get a text from W saying can you ring me please.. I obliged as I had just had FaceTime with the kids and thought that she wanted to mention something about them..

Anyway, roughly 45 mins later I got off the phone.. Nothing about the kids other than organising my first weekend with them after I move back, but we just had some lighthearted small talk otherwise.. I had every intent of a quick on and off conversation, but talk flowed freely about nothing in particular.. I'm not going to take this talk to heart, but she does seem to be reaching out however small it is..

I'm ready for the 2x4's though as I stuffed my NC for now..

[MrBond]

"So I should just be sticking with 180's for now??.."

You should be doing 180s anyway.

"It just seems as though she doesn't even want to reconsider even though we have had 10 years and 2 kids together.. It kind of makes me feel like I have been a drag on her life.."

That's YOUR interpretation. They aren't made to hurt you. You have to let that go. All of that anguish is something you're doing to yourself. You're getting upset just over an inspirational quote. Find some quotes of your own to get you inspired.

"You've got remember that a big part of facebook is a competition of people trying to make out they have the best life. Its basically public gloating. "

That is an totally wrong assumption. You only feel that way NOW because of the situation you're in. If your W posted that she was happy that she was married to you, you wouldn't consider it gloating then.

Both you and jim act as if EVERY action your W's are doing are a way of rubbing your face in the situation. They are not. That's what you two don't understand. This is HER journey and it has nothing to do with you. Once you understand that, you'll understand how to treat her.

[LoveMyW]

Mr Bond, I couldn't agree with you more..

RE: the 180's: I intend to keep them up, but I was talking more in regard to that vs LRT..

Basically, these comments were written when I was on the downer side of the rollercoaster, and today has been a ton better, and looking back I wonder why I even wrote what I did..

Just one of those days unfortunately..

[LoveMyW]

So it seems like the W is trying to reach out to me a bit more, but I can't be 100% certain.. I've got a couple of texts off her regarding joint financial matters, and have kept my replies short and sweet and to the point.. Today when I was texted about a matter I replied with "cool" as the only response (that was all that was needed as a response to the particular question) and I got a reply with "Okay.."..

Now I know that seems like a pretty typical response to most people, but I know my W and when she uses .. behind a word, it usually means either:

A - She doesn't believe me, or is annoyed at what I have said, or

B - She has had the conversation end before she is ready

Either way, after hearing her early in the S saying "I don't have to talk to you every time the kids call" or "I don't want to talk to you every day", it seems like lately she has been forthcoming with contact (initiated by her) on a fairly regular basis since I started almost full NC.. It has been a 50/50 split between business and just chatting.. As mentioned in an earlier post, she seemed to reach out for a chat, and we chatted a good 45 mins - 1 hour even when I didn't intend to..

Baby steps is what I will take, and I'm assuming the LC/NC would still be the best course of action for now, so I'll stick with that unless one of you guys can give me a reason to do it differently..

[LoveMyW]

Well some good news has come my way today!!.. I have found a tenant to take over my lease, have found an apartment to stay in, and in 4 days will be making the 2000km trek to be closer to my kids!!.. I can't wait!!.. W and I have spoken, and I will have them for 5 days straight when I arrive, which should be great for all of us.. I know the kids have been missing me dearly, and after 2 months the W could use some downtime..

Now, by then it will have been 9.5 weeks since I have been in the vicinity of W, and I plan to show PMA, act "as-if" and have no expectations of what is going to happen (good or bad) even though she seems to be softening..

What worries me is how do I act otherwise??.. I'm not meaning personally as I am getting some of my old self back, and at this moment I think I can handle the emotions that will likely flow (although I'm libel to cry when I see the kids, it's only human nature).. What I mean is, if she wants to hug me, or give me a kiss etc, do I reciprocate in a non overly enthusiastic way, or do I play it down??..

Silly I know, but I don't want to come off in a bad a way that undoes any of the groundwork so far..