A males sex drive is genetically coded. He is "wired" to desire sex more than an female so that he can "spread his seed". RPP is right, men gain attachment from sex.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Mandown, I have been around the boards for a couple of years. My W left last December and our D is currently in progress. We were not intimate often during the last year of living together. She just didn't want me anymore.
I joined the boards about the same time as "Melissa". Her D is final now. Her sitch was different. They were intimate for a long time after bd. In the end it didnt matter.
The reason i mention my case and hers is that my W stopped having sex wigh me monghs before leaving while her H continued even after leaving. I think each case is unique. Personally, intimacy would have hurt me more in my case. I would have continued to feel attached and my W had made up her mind that she was gone. I think its really unique to each case oike i said. You have to be careful not to attach too much "meaning" or expectation. Things can still go wrong anyway. Good luck
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
I know that things may go south, i think what makes my sitch more positive IMO, is the fact that she is on board with moving foward with a nee home for our family.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
So yesterday went well I think. I stayed gone most of the day woth work, dr appt, DB coaching call, and sitting down with the realtor. Didnt get hoe til around 7pm I did this purposefully as to not crowd her following the night before.
Following the advice of my coach, I do not want to seem transparent and seem too happy as to scare her away again. W was in a good mood, cheerful, and joking about.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
Curious about the community's opinion on this. Since BD, W hasn't came out and said ILY on her own. But, she does not hesitate to reciprocate when I say it. Sometimes its less enthusiastic than I would like, but it's still there.
I say it, when i leave to work, and when we goto bed, and sometimes ill shoot her a text and wish here a good day amd ILY.
Should I slow down on this? I Just feel if I do not say it, then she may think that I dont care or that I am reverting to my old self. This has been a 180 for me, to continually express my love for her.
Detachment is hard for me, as you can see lol.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
Do not to have any expectations of getting a response or especially a certain response with the things that you say.
It may seem to her that you are saying these things to fish for a response (and you are not accepting that response anyway) and not saying it because you mean it. Have no expectations.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
And that is what I am hoping she see's, that I am saying them because I mean them. And that I am committed in the marriage.
Example, this morning before we both left for work/gym, she said "aww man, i dont have any gum, now my breathe is gonna smell like aminos(her amino acid supplement drink she takes before wokring out" I said, "dang that [censored]" and we both left. She walked me to my truck and kissed me and we both said I love you.
When I left, I decided tp do something nice and thoughtful. So instead of going rigth to work, I went to the gas station and bough a pack of gum for her, went back home and put a note on it that read, "hey beautiful, i hope you have an awesome day, I love you!" and set it in the bathroom by the sink since she takes a shower when she gets home.
When she got home she texted me and said "thanks for the gum" I replied your welcome and she said have a good day.
I never did things like this. But this is who I have become, total 180.
Last edited by mandown; 09/23/1406:22 PM.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
Needing positive energy today. Feeling kinda bummed.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
One of those days where you feel the entirety of the sitch like it was brand new and it brings you whole day crashing down on top of you
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
So yesterday the offer we put in for a house was accepted! My boys are really excited about it!
I'm looking foward to moving into our new home and start a new chapter, hopefully this will be a change of scenery or pace for the W. I'm hoping it will be a sort of shock therapy.
I'm probably expecting too much, but in the end I'm doing it for my family whether she decides to stay or not. And that makes me feel good.
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
