It is not about "hurting" the kids per se...it is how you present your POV to the them that is genuine and authentic. Present it in a way to them that shows that you still love H and very much want the marriage to work yet Dad needs time and space to figure things out. However, both Mom and Dad love the kids....that has not changed nor ever will.
It is not about "hurting" the kids per se...it is how you present your POV to the them that is genuine and authentic. Present it in a way to them that shows that you still love H and very much want the marriage to work yet Dad needs time and space to figure things out. However, both Mom and Dad love the kids....that has not changed nor ever will.
Wonka I hear you. And I think H and I are going about this in as intentional and conscientious manner as we can. But my 11 year old is not going to understand why dad decided it was a good idea to get a girlfriend and go live somewhere else that's not with her. Honestly, I don't understand it and I'm pretty sure even H doesn't understand it. That will hurt no matter what words we put around it. She will be ok, but different than if this had not happened. And for a while, it will hurt.
Two kiddos have October birthdays so today we put birthday celebrations on the calendar and agreed when S18 would be home. That puts a better timeframe on things for me, as talking to S in person is a critical piece of the plan.
I have been OK all day, running a basketball practice for my team, doing house chores, warehouse club shopping. Regular weekend busy stuff. H has been around, grilled burgers for dinner. Back to limbo for a few more weeks.
Hey rp, yes it will hurt but she (and the other 2) will look to you for how to move through it. One or the other of them may feel the need to take care of you.
Answer questions they ask but don't over answer. If they're dad question, refer them to him.
It's hard and I will admit, I didn't do this part very well.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Good morning, DB-ers! Yesterday was kind of a regular Sunday, church and breakfast out. I took S18 to the airport to get back to school, he will be back in about a month and that will be the "big discussion" I assume. Bummer, because the reason he's coming back is D11's birthday, that's a crappy present for dad to hand out. Happy Birthday, sweetheart, I'm leaving.
My basketball team had a game, sadly we lost. Grilled for dinner, regular Sunday night stuff. I slept very little last night, but it's Monday and we start again.
It's been almost 5 months since BD and will be about 6 when H moves out. I'm grateful for the semi-normalcy in between, time to wrap my head around it all, pull myself together for the sake of my kids. It would have been so difficult had he moved out earlier, my heart goes out to all of you who had it happen that way.
I am so tired this afternoon, I don't do well with little sleep. What I want is a H who can come home and take over, pour me a glass of wine and clean up the dinner dishes. Just this once. Instead I feel like I have to look good, be charming, have the house looking great, and serve up a great dinner. There's something wrong here.
You're stressing out too much over little things. Let go of some things and the sky will not fall on you. Really take care of yourself...because you deserve it!
Pace yourself accordingly. Our minds and bodies can only take so much on....then we crash. Not good.
Ok, dinner over, kitchen cleaned mostly. D16 and I are going to get some paint samples from Home Depot and then it's wine time!
Just to say it, the rules and regulations I put on myself are not about DB. That's what I've always done. I cook everything from scratch, make dinner every day. I drive the kids around, volunteer at all their schools, attend the meetings, have zero household help. I'm the woman people ask, "how do you do all that?" Maybe I'll take some advice and not do all that anymore. It's exhausting
Good morning, not much to report, as usual. D16 and I got the paint samples, it's one of the last pieces of the bathroom remodel. I will be glad to have it finished and the kids out of my bathroom!
Yesterday I had lunch with my priest/therapist friend. He's a good listener, and I have listened to him for so many years that he's very indulgent of me. It's great to vent sometimes. He says that I have a "healthy" attitude about things, which is a word both my IC and our MC have used about me. So, hey, I'm a mess, but that's "healthy"! ;-) Actually, I'm not a mess lately, I'm doing OK. Sometimes I'll have a panicky moment, but if I acknowledge it and sit with it a few minutes it subsides.
The more interesting part of lunch was how many people I knew at the restaurant. That's true wherever I go. I live in a big city, but our neighborhood functions as a small town, and I just know a lot of people because of my job and my kids. One of things MC asked H on Friday was if he was going to start taking OW out in public immediately after the separation begins, and she asked him to consider giving it a cooling off period for the sake of the kids. Because there's nowhere he can go that someone who knows me won't run into him, and then those people talk to other people, and then someone's kids overhear, and then it's in my kids face. But like anything else, he hadn't really thought about that. Where has the man's brain gone? What exactly has he been thinking about these past 5 months?
