I changed the thread name because I don't think I'm lost anymore. I think I am starting to get a sense of the path I want. Maybe there are potholes in the road and sometimes I can't see over the hills, but I am gaining confidence that I can navigate it myself, without H if necessary.
Last edited by rppfl; 09/08/1401:18 PM. Reason: add thread link
Well my whole "not lost" theory is about to be tested. H had agreed that when he found a place and was ready to move, he'd set up an appointment with MC so we could go over the separation agreement and work out how to tell the kids. He just emailed me to see if I could meet on Friday. Oh boy!
One more post today. H confirmed he found a place and thinks everything will be finalized this week. It's furnished so there's not a lot of prep work. S18 is home from college this weekend so I suppose we will need to tell them while he's here. H has wanted this for 5 months now. I am not completely fine with it but I am ok for today.
Since we have been living together and sharing a bed I have not exactly been dark. That's something I'll need to learn.
I'm sorry Rpp. You will be okay. You will be better than okay!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks, ladies. I'm OK today. Later he emailed some comments about sharing parenting time with the girls and I was very annoyed that he mentioned wanted to arrange things to maximize his "free" time. Hello, we have three kids, who guaranteed him "free" time? But I didn't respond that way, I just said it was something we could speak to the MC about on Friday, she's also a family therapist who works with children so I'm sure she'll have some suggestions.
After nearly five months of limbo, things seem to be happening very quickly now. The next couple of weeks will be interesting.
Rppfl, my H found a place only two months after BD, then took a trip for a week, then I took a trip for a week and a half, and by then he had moved out. It was very fast, but I can truly say that it is MUCH easier with him out of the house, even though it feels more finite and bad in other ways. I think you will find that you have more peace without having to navigate his emotional state on a daily basis.
Also, it gives him a chance to miss you and what you have provided for him. In the month since my H has been gone, he's said things like "I miss your cooking" and "I miss our friendship." Of course, these proclamations don't mean that he's coming back, but without the physical space of not living together, he probably wouldn't be missing those things.
Regardless, it will be an opportunity for you to have space for yourself -- and to maximize YOUR free time. Enjoy it! With three kids, when was the last time you were able to go out and have fun just for yourself?
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
"I assumed I'd spend at least a portion of Thanksgiving and Christmas with the family."
I am not sure how I feel about that. H's own mom and dad (actually a step dad) have been divorced 10 years, MIL is on her 3rd husband AND YET they all spend holidays and vacations together as if they are not D. MIL leaves new husband at home and walks hand in hand down the beach with FIL and everyone has a great time. It's bizarre. Does my H think that I am willing to do that too? Ummmm. Not.
So sorry to hear of H's move to an apartment. It might be a good thing for you two since it will give you space and will allow H to see what life will look like without being around family. That will present a strong contrast for H and it may take some more time for H to come to the realization that "the grass isn't greener on the other side".
Give your feelings time to settle down a bit and you'll get some clarity soon enough. Allow the process flow naturally and you'll have your answers soon enough about the holidays.
