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Joined: Dec 2013
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Julie,

The way you describe your Hs behavior gives men a bad name. Regardless of man or woman that kind of behavior is abusive.
Words and body language are as effective as physical abuse in leaving scares.

You may find it hard moving out of state without first getting his permission to take your son with you. I would ask your lawyer how far you can move without permission. Moving 50 miles away might just be enough distance where he won't put in the effort to travel there and back often. You may find you can move anywhere within your state. That could put many miles between you.


Twisting on Life's Rope
Me53
W53
M20
D21 D19 D16
BD 2-2013
D final 1-2015
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Hi Julie,
I'm so sorry about your sitch. The dog thing really gets to me. I've had dogs that lived to almost 20 years and were fine until the end. Your H is, like my W, clearly not in his right mind.

If you have had to live in fear for so long, sleep with a knife because of H's drinking problems, etc. that's abuse. Maybe there is a way to bring this out in court. That one of the reasons you want to leave is because of your fear. Bring up all the craziness like "I'm gay so I can't have had an affair" to show just how crazy he really is and does the court think a man like that should be taking care of a special needs child?

Know this Julie. I too have lived with crazy and yes you do start to question yourself. They are your partner and when they keep telling you that you're wrong or that what you are thinking (which is perfectly reasonable) is asking too much it can make you start to think that maybe they are right. I allowed my W to do much of the same. Granted I never feared that she would hurt me but I let her run me ragged trying to take care of my family while she just thought of only herself. I realize now that over the last 4 years my W never once took our D's to a single birthday party, school event, friends house, prom or school dance, etc. She never went to D14's flute recitals. My W didn't want to be bothered, didn't want to put herself out, had better things to do. Now she has moved 30 miles away, put my D14 into a school close to her, taken my life apart. This after I allowed myself to trust her enough to start a business where I won't make nearly as much as I have and that I would, for the first time, need her income.

Abuse comes in many forms. It makes the victim question them self. I wish I had more to offer but it seems clear that what is best for you and your S would be for you to get as far away from the crazy as possible. I'm sorry that you have been treated that way. Know that there is someone out there who would love you and treat you the way you deserve, Julie. Men that do that to their S's are damaged and make all men look bad! Know that you will find someone that will treat you the way you should be treated some day. Hang in there, Julie. We've got your back!

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Thanks Shining and GB. LT and Matt thanks for the reminder that there are good men our there!

I realize I sound very bipolar when I describ my marriage. There were really what I believed to be some wonderful times. We had so much fun together. We laughed all the time. Right before BD we had signed up for this app where you send each other love coupons and rate your acts of living kindness to each other daily. It was sweet and romantic. Those were the parts of my marriage I was clinging to and standing for.

Then there were the times he was a terror and I was afraid. Those times always involved alcohol. I can't believe how much I minimized those times and tried to excuse his behavior.

In reality none of that matters. What matters is now. And now he is a cruel person. Maybe this isn't MLC. Maybe he has some mental illness. Maybe the drinking has caught up with him. It doesn't really matter why.

He may very well be gay (now. I will never believe he did not have A with OW). I know another couple where the h admitted he was gay after years together and 2 kids. He never was cruel. He never raged. They had an amicable divorce and are wonderful coparents. H sexuAL orientation does not explain or excuse the things he had said and done this past year.

I have a lot of things to figure out but from this moment I will not engage unless re: s. He is rarely at home so that should be doable. This morning I was tempted to text him about not making lunch for s. He does every morning but did not today. I counted to 10 and stopped myself.


Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15
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Hi again Julie,
MLC is as much a "mental illness" as any other, IMO. When people start to act completely different from how they did for most of their lives, do destructive things, to themselves and the people who they ONCE loved, their own kids, that, to me is a "mental illness". I remember once thinking that someday they may just find that MLCers have some sort of brain abnormality. That some organic reason exists for this behavior. Who knows?

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OW (or whatever she is now) texted again for a play date. I thought I had been very clear that I was not getting together again. Later that night I over heard her bad mouthing me and egging h on in this ridiculous lie he made up about me kicking him

I didn't respond to her texts and blocked her number. I am 43. I am not getting dragged into whatever game they are playing.


Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 528
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I need a slap on the head and a zipper for my mouth. I try so hard to not get drawn in. I try to just observe his behavior and not react. I have worked all weekend. Yesterday I came home and s was still in pyjamas. Ss19 was sitting in the exact same place as he was in the morning and I asked him if he had moved all day and he said no. Then s said they were going to OW house the next day (today)

I must have been stewing in my sleep because I woke up hating h. I knew he was planning on spending money to buy OW daughter a ticket to ss16 play. We didn't even buy our own tickets. MIL bought them for us because she knows money is so tight.

I checked our joint account. Transferred out what ever from my check was over our biweekly continuation to household expenses. I use that money on gas. Groceries for me and s. Meds and doctor copays. Babysitter.

I asked h if we could discuss budget he said no and I lost it. All the pent up anger and frustration came out.

He acts all innocent and asks why I am bit@hung at him. In 10 min I became the person I have worked so hard over the last year not to be and reconfirmed his idea of me as a contouring bit@h.

I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to detach and let the emotions wash over me when I have to deal with him every day. When him and OW try to drag me into some game. When he is so evil all the time.

I called some apartments that were in areas I felt comfortable living. I can afford them but would need to save the deposits and right now I am licing paycheck to paycheck. I would also need a cosigner for app to be considered. Mom has crappie credit. S is said no because she already cosigned for mom. The only people left are in laws and I don't know how I feel about that.

I hate that I sound so pitiful. Lady night I was walking the dogs and thinking how awesome this time of year is at the tail end of summer.
Cool breezes and fireflies. I just want this cr@p with h to end.


Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15
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Julie,
Breath! You've had a lot of stress going on in your life lately and your h is just not with it. He's not thinking straight and won't for a long time.

As for unloading on him...we all have done it. So, what do you do now? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue moving forward. No one is perfect and let me tell you, we all have had days when the pot boiled over and we had to let the steam off. You said what was on your mind, now leave him for now.

BTW, you do not sound pitiful. You sound exhausted and disgusted w/things. Take some walks to blow the cobwebs out of mind and enjoy the beginning days of fall.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job. It just all felt like it was caving in on me today. I ended up filing a police report on OW tonight.

I had blocked text messages from her and I thought I blocked calls but it didn't work and she kept calling. Finally I answered with the intention to say stop calling me. She starts going off on how rude I am for not responding to her text and she is trying to be the better person and think of the kids and I am so selfish and she "knows plenty of people who will put me somewhere and her uncle is a state trooper and he will take care of me" and "I don't know who I am messing with" (just like h said last week). I told her I would not listen to threats and hung up.

I called police and they said unless I wanted to press charges someone would call tomorrow and to call back if anything changed.

A few minutes later h comes in my rooM with OW on speaker. They (mainly she) starts going off on what a Bitch I am. No wonder he left me. I am a horrible mother. I am selfish because I have to work 3 weekend a month and choose not to get together with her on my one weekend off. I am a bad mother because I only have one weekend off. She doesn't believe the vet and believes h that my dog should be put down. On and on. I jump in and she starts blasting me for being a controlling Bitch and talking over her. .... crazy. She is just spouting back all his lies. Like he was a totally innocent party and just sat there while I yelled at him for 10 years. How can she believe that?

Then she says "do I need to come over there. " at which point I called the police back and said I wanted to press charges for harassment.

She starts yelling some more and h takes off somewhere by foot.

How is this my life.


Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15
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Omg, JG...I'm sorry that happened. You must be reeling right now. From what you posted, this sitch has gotten pretty out of hand crazy. I'm glad you called the police. I'm concerned about the fact that your H feels he can go into your room and facilitate such harassment.

JG, please do what you need to and protect yourself and your son. I know how this works. This type of stuff tends to escalate, upping the ante each time. Ow does not sound like a mentally stable person at all, and I don't even have to mention your h state of mind. Whether it's just bully tactics or something more serious, it really isn't a healthy environment for you or your son.

I hope all goes well tomorrow when you press those charges.... And don't drop them afterward, like I once did. Big mistake. Can you press charges against both of them??

((((Hugs)))).

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I filed a report and mentioned bother if them for harassment. An officer came by and took the statement. He said I had two years to go to magistrate with file number to press charges. He did say that these kind of vague threats don't often play our well on court and it just becomes a he said/she said situation. He did suggest I call every time I feel threaten to build a paper trail so pressing charges in the future may go better.

I called my mom and asked her to come down and stay with me for a little. She said she could come for a few days at the end of the month.


Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15
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