When you start out on this journey, it is about your marriage and your spouse. But really and truly, YOU are the most important thing in all this. Your feelings, your spirit, your drive, your beliefs. Dbing is about saving yourself, and sometimes it saves marriages.
As you go through all the stages of grief over what your marriage once was, you begin to realize some things and that is when the growth begins.
I think we can all say that our marriages weren’t perfect. No marriage ever is.
So, looking within is where you start. You need to think about the things that need changing.
While none of us wanted this, none of us saw it coming; we are given an amazing opportunity. We get to start anew. We get to go back to thinking about who we are and what we want.
When we begin to make changes, slowly at first, with trepidation, trying on this new person, it is scary. And then, eventually we become who we were meant to be.
We should learn that no one can make us happy and it must come from within. When that happens, the real healing begins. We can’t really love someone else, until we love ourselves.
When I began this, I wanted to make a roadmap. I started to think about some questions I wanted to ask myself. What did I want to see when I looked back? Who did I want to see? What did I want to show my son?
I knew I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror and know that I did everything possible to save my marriage. I wanted to be able to say I acted with dignity, courage, strength and grace. I wanted to see that I had grown and changed. I didn’t want to fail at this opportunity of showing my son how to get through life’s tough parts. I wanted to know that I did nothing to interfere with my son's relationship with his father and I was responsible to cause no harm to it.
So, with this roadmap, I figured out how to move forward and detach. I learned to believe in me. I knew that I trusted in Him. I knew because of that, I would be ok.
I learned that the hardest part in all this is in letting go. But, that is the greatest act of love. It doesn’t mean you are giving up. It doesn’t mean you do not care. It is saying that you hear your spouse; you honor their feelings, and cherish them enough to lovingly allow them to walk their journey.
With that mindset, you begin to detach in that their actions and words do not affect your actions and words. You are allowing them to live their life, and figure themselves out and you are allowing yourself to do the same.
When it is time, the hope is that no matter what, you come to a place of forgiveness. That is so important. You do not want to carry that anger and bitterness around with you forever. It saps your energy. It weighs you down.
Forgiveness is a way to honor your relationship, your marriage. It is an acceptance of what is and the letting go of expecting something different.
My friends, I know how devastating this is. I know that it is a pain which you have never known before. I know that you feel lost and powerless. Please know you will not always feel that way. You will get through this. You will be ok. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
I have been here a long time. I have seen marriages restored and marriages irretrievably broken. I have seen people become who they were meant to be and those who never quite become whole.
This journey you are on, this process, is very hard. You did not ask for it. God knows, you may wish it never happened. But we do not ever know what is going to happen in life. We think we have it all mapped out in our heads. It rarely goes that way.
So, when we are given a challenge like the one we have been given, there are a few ways we can go.
We can give up, cut our losses and move on.
We can fight with all we have until we cannot any longer.
We can learn and grow and become who we were meant to be.
We can accept that life sometimes is really tough or rail against the devil and blame him.
The thing to remember is this. We, all of us, may sometimes feel like we have no choice in this and blame it all on our spouse or ourselves for that matter.
But we pay a huge price when we do that.
We do not look inside. We do not do the work. We continue to blame whomever we blame.
We sell ourselves short when we do that. We lose an amazing opportunity when we do that.
We miss out on taking control of us and OUR life.
And in reality, that is the only thing we have control over.
So, yes, this succks. It really does. It's hard and it's heartbreaking. But it is also so powerful.
When we begin to understand that we have control over our part of the journey - whether we quit or not, whether we grow or not, whether we accept or not, man, what power we have. What an opportunity we have, what great lessons we can learn.
When it gets really tough, take some time, back away, regroup, find some peace in whatever way you can at that moment.
When you are ready, get back on your path. Dig deep, find your footing, stand strong.
You have power in all this.
You have choices we can make. You can choose how to behave, what to feel, how to love.
I will tell you this. No matter what happens, you will not regret that you stood if you do the work.
You will not regret that you were someone who loved so much you were willing to let your spouse go.
You will not regret that when you realized you could do it no more, you were able to look back and see that you acted with dignity and courage and strength.
This is a journey you were meant to go on. I believe that with everything I have.
I wanted to share my thoughts regarding an OM or OW.
Those of you who know my story, know that there was an OW.
I remember how crushed I was to find that out. It was mind numbing, really. I felt like someone had reached into my heart and squeezed it as tight as they could.
But I also remember what I promised myself at the start of all this. That I would always act with dignity.
And so, I did not have any contact with her.
I knew her from H's past. She was his first GF many years ago.
She was very smart, well educated, and married. I remember for a brief moment thinking what does she have that I didn’t?
Then I realized, she did not have anything that I lacked. But I had many things that she lacked. She did not have my character, my heart, my compassion. She did not have my morals, my dignity, and my strength.
She did not even have my h, not in any real sense. She had a shell of a man, a broken man, a man who was lost and in crisis. She was, quite simply, a band aid.
So, I made a decision not to give her any of my headspace. She was not worthy of it.
Their affair was a house of cards, built on lies and deceit. There was no substance, no respect. It was two broken people looking for a life raft in the middle of a tsunami.
You cannot have a relationship sustain where its foundation is the breaking up of a marriage.
I knew that it could not endure with all those things as its cornerstone. How could it?
And it didnt.
When I spoke with my xh about it sometime later, I asked him, "Did you really think that relationship was going to last?"
His answer, "No, I knew deep down it would not. I was hurting and wanted a quick fix. That was all it was, I know that now. During my affair, while the adrenaline was pumping, so, too, was the guilt. But I didn’t know how to fix it or me. And so, I didn’t."
So, my friends, do not give the OP any of your power.
Remember who you are. Remember what you are made of. Stand with dignity and remember that character and compassion and loyalty matter.
The feeling that you won’t get through this will go away.
Really embrace the fact that you did the best you could with the knowledge and tools you had at the time. Had you known better, you would have done better.
Own only your own stuff, let your spouse own theirs.
Your spouse is in a life crisis. It is their journey. Let them walk it. Your job is to get out of the way.
Any changes you deem necessary to make have to be real and for you. If they are not, it doesn’t serve you well and doesn’t help the situation.
Always act with dignity.
Use the feelings of anger you will have as a way to propel you forward. Feel them, and then let them wash over you and let them go. Otherwise it will weigh you down and sap your energy.
You may feel you need your spouse, but in reality, you don’t. You want them. There is a difference.
Never, ever get in the way of your children’s relationship with their other parent.
Your children are looking to you to show them how to navigate through life’s difficulties. What a gift you have been given. Make sure you show them well.
This journey is a wonderful opportunity to become the person you were meant to be – the very best you.
Forgiveness brings you freedom and peace.
And something so important – always remember that you are worthy. No one can take that away – except you.
I have learned that while there are many similarities in a MLC, there are also some differences.
Generally, though, the MLCer goes through some stages. Not all of them go through each one. Not all of them go through them in the same order.
They go in and out of them. Up and around again while trying to figure out their stuff.
They are trying to figure out what they want, who they are. They are trying to reconcile what behaviors will stay from before the MLC. What things they will keep from during the crisis. What do they want their lives to look like now?
They have to decipher and accept what brought them into the tunnel.
Because all this inner turmoil is happening, it causes them to sometimes revert back to some of the behaviors from the beginning of it all.
They need to reconcile what happened in that stage and then close the door on it.
It is normal for them to revisit a lot of it.
This really is the time for you to let them know you are around, but, let them see you are giving them a lot of space. This time is crucial. They are extremely fragile. They are working really hard.
It is all part of the process. It is all part of the journey out of the tunnel.
I know it is so hard to watch. I know that your first instinct may be to want to reach in and pull them the rest of the way out.
But, while you can be there guiding them from a distance, this part really has to be done by them. If it isn’t, they may need to finish it later.
So, hang in there. Remember how far you've come. You are getting closer to the finish line.
Now is not the time to quit. You can dig in just a bit more.
My friends, I have seen many MLCs -on here and out there.
Several of them up close. I have spoken to those who survived a MLC and those who are still stuck.
I have seen marriages survive and marriages that remain broken. I have seen MLCers come out of it, and some who never do.
I have seen LBSers stand and not stand. I have seen some who wish they did and others who are glad they didnt.
The thing of it is this. I accepted that this was a crisis. I knew it without a doubt.
My xh had stood with me through some very difficult times. We had a history, a life.
And so, knowing these things, I knew that for me, it was important to stand.
I wanted to honor a long term marriage, my only child's father, my vows, and the man I had known and loved all those years.
I had my roadmap of how I was going to act. I accepted that I could not control what my h was doing, or whether or not he looks inside. I could only control me.
I knew I had work to do. I knew what I would be able to withstand and what I could not.
This path is personal to the individuals on it.
I will say that it is important not to lose oneself in it all. It is important to know when the cost is too great. It is ok when you cannot do it anymore. It is important to take care of you and to protect your heart.
It is also important to be true to yourself. It is ok to have hope, to believe, just as it is ok to feel worn down.
I will tell you that I do not regret what I chose. I do not regret who I have become. I do not regret that I loved so deeply.
We cannot fix them. But we can take this as an opportunity to look within, to learn, to grow.
I want you to make your decisions based on your beliefs from a place of strength. Life gives us hard stuff sometimes.
The ability to rise above them is a testament to the human spirit.
I understand and respect whatever decision one makes for oneself.
I want for all of you to be the best you can be. I want you to know without a doubt that it all matters, who you are and what you stand for.
I know my friends on here struggle with understanding all this.
I get why they do. It is craziness, this crisis.
To see someone you have loved, have lived with, have shared a life and a history with become someone so foreign, is so hard to understand.
I know we are programmed to try to figure stuff out.
But sometimes in life, it just isnt possible unless it is happening to you.
You can sympathize with someone who has cancer, but, cant possibly know what it feels like to have it.
You can ache for someone who has lost a child, but, cannot feel the depth of their pain unless you have, too.
And that is ok, you know. It is ok to say I just dont get it, dont understand it, cant get my mind around it.
It is not a weakness in you, a lacking in you that you cant.
When someone has cancer or has lost someone, you have empathy; you have compassion, regardless of whether or not you can completely feel their particular pain.
These loved ones who are in crisis, deserve that as well.
It doesnt give them a free pass, not at all. But we love them, and so, we should try to feel for them.
There is plenty of time in the future to figure out how you will deal with the fallout if they come through this.
Plenty of time to decide what you need, what you want the relationship to look like if it comes to that.
What you do need to decide is whether you can forgive them and yourself. You need to accept that this is what is right now. Doesn’t mean it will always be.
So, do your best for as long as you can. Honor your long time relationship the best way you know how.
Remember your life story with them.
Live your life, take it one day at a time, and accept what is right now.
I was thinking about you all today while I was flying a kite with my kiddies at work . It was such fun, so wholesome, freeing, light.
Anyway, I got to thinking about how life should be like that. Light, peaceful, freeing, fun. That should be the goal. - to have those feelings at some point in a day or a week.
To be totally free of all this, all these thoughts, these feelings for awhile.
To find the beauty in the simple stuff. To enjoy a laugh, a walk in the park, a sunset, a hug.
That is really what life is all about, I think. Those moments.
And that led to me thinking about all this.
I feel that this crisis is going to play out whether we like it or not.
We can decide to ride it out or not. We can decide to be bitter or not, angry or not.
All our choice.
So, since it is going to happen regardless, continue to move forward in your life. Continue to grow and change and love.
Time is passing anyway.
Worrying will have absolutely no affect on the outcome. But, letting go, moving forward, and making changes can.
And if they dont, well, it will be time well spent.
While this is probably one of the most difficult things you will ever face, you will survive it.
If you are unsure what the future holds, well, it holds you.
There are no easy answers, no short cuts, no magic pill. Trust me on that.
As you are all at different parts of your journey, I thought I'd share some thoughts.
In the beginning, when you are blindsided, distraught, filled with hopelessness, it is too hard to see what you need to see.
So, you just try to get through the day, the hour, the minute. And that's ok. This is a shock to the system.
Then when you get your footing a bit, you hopefully start to feel a little less unsteady.
If you choose to walk this difficult path, you have to really believe that you will be ok, that you will feel happy one day again, because if you dont, you stay stuck. When you begin to detach, and let go of the anger and sadness, you begin to move forward.
And I am sure you have said to yourself, there goes UR again, telling me to detach and let go. Easy for her to say.
I wanted to tell you that I get that it isnt. I get it because I have been exactly where you are. I get it because I fell so many times, and I backslid and I was filled with despair. I came kicking and screaming into db.
Many 2x4's later, many tears later, many prayers later, I began to get it.
It is a mindset, you know. A choice, this letting go. It is a prayer to your spouse, to the universe.
It is saying that I hear what you are saying, I see that you are hurting, I understand that you need to do this and I love you enough to let you.
It is in the holding on by us, that can stop the forward motion in them. They cannot be free to take those steps, if they are looking over their shoulders at you.
An amazing thing happens when you finally do let go. They feel lighter, but, so do you. You are no longer bound by their actions or their words. You are no longer tied to their emotions. And so, you are free to find your path, your voice, your strengths.
So, I wanted you to know I feel your fear, your questioning of the process, your anxiety, your sadness. I feel it because I've felt it to my very core.
That is my prayer for all of you. That you get that it is ok to let go. It doesnt mean you dont love them, it means you love them very much.
Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and learn to believe that you love and honor the relationship enough to want your spouse to be happy, in spite of what may happen.
But what it really says is that you honor you, and trust in you, have faith in you. So much so that you are willing to do the work, find your way, become who you were meant to be. And that maybe, you will find your way back to each other. And if you don’t, you will be ok.
I think that we should just do the very best we can. And maybe, if we are very lucky, happiness and peace comes from knowing we did.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I have had some pretty crappy stuff happen in my life Yet every day I choose to find a reason to laugh. I find a reason to feel blessed; a reason to appreciate what life has to offer.
You can choose to look at the bad side of stuff or the good side. You can choose to see all the good things in your life or all the bad things.
Your choice.
The way I figure it is this. All that stuff in my life that isnt good, is going to be there either way. I can add to the misery or find a way around it. I can let it get to me or rise above it.
I know that if I allow it to change me. If I allow it to beat me, I lose me. And that is not an option.
I can live in the past. I can feel sorry for myself. I can blame other people.
But that gives the power to someone else, something else. I am unwilling to do that.
I get to choose my life, my heart, my thoughts, my happiness. Each and every time, I choose me.
The choices we make, the stands we take, the lives we touch and love, all matter. It all matters.
I get how you are feeling and thinking because I felt and thought the same things.
I thought if I could keep telling him I want him and I want to work on our marriage enough times, that this day would be the one when he would say, Ok, Ur, I feel the same way.
Until it didnt happen.
The thing of it is this. There are reasons why your spouse feels the way he or she does. Some of them are true, some not, but they are their feelings so they are valid to them.
When you keep telling him the things you do, you are invalidating his feelings. You are telling him, I know the words you are saying, but they are wrong, because I want you and I want to work on the marriage. Doesnt matter what you want or what you feel, it only matters what I feel.
I get the hanging on for fear that they will move away if you dont. But picture someone holding onto your pants leg as you are trying to move away. You keep shaking your leg to get them off, but, they wont go. So you shake harder and move further away, all in trying to stop them from hanging on.
When you db, you are saying, I hear you. I hear that you are saying you dont want to be married, you dont know how you feel, etc. I hear you. You dont have to agree with it, but, you do have to respect their feelings.
When you make changes it means you heard them. When you give them space. You heard them.
You also give them the opportunity to think. They arent hearing the noise of your words, because that is what it is to them at this point.
When they have time to think and they feel heard and they see changes, it gives the best opportunity for them to look towards you.
When all this happened, I remember thinking, my life, my past, my future, was torn away.
I thought, there is no way I can survive this. I will never feel happiness again.
I went through the stages of grief - disbelief, anger, sadness, etc. And some other stages, too. Feeling rejected, resentful, and betrayed.
I allowed myself to feel them all. Worked through them all, for as long as I needed to. But I felt stuck.
So, I started to think about my friend whose young child had brain cancer. I thought about the atrocities that people suffer around the world. I realized I can survive this. I can. I have to. There is no choice. I had a son who depended on me; who was watching me. He was leaning on me and learning how to get through life.
What did I want to show him? What did I want for me?
Deep down, I knew I would survive. I had survived a great many really difficult things. But, I wanted to be able to do more than just survive all this.
So, I had to really see why I was hanging onto a lot of it.
Because I knew if I continued to hang onto it, it would stop me from moving forward.
I knew that anger was holding me back. I was angry at him, at the ow, at MLC. That was ok, for a time. But I realized that remaining angry at him or her was not going to change anything. But it was changing me. I was no longer willing to sacrifice myself.
The Ow didnt care if I was angry, neither did my h. So, what was the point of continuing to hold onto that? That was just giving them control over me.
I also thought, what if, God forbid, he had passed away?
I would have been devastated, yes, but, eventually, I would have picked myself up and lived my life.
So, I knew it was the feelings of rejection and betrayal that were the real rocks around my neck.
I thought a few things. One, that he was in crisis. And two, that those feelings werent serving me well.
I was wearing them like a shield. Using them to stop what was needed to get in and that is acceptance. Doesnt mean I have to like it all. Doesnt mean I have to understand it all. But I did have to accept it.
When I did, it lead me on the road to forgiveness. That is ultimately where one needs to be.
If you can accept that this is how things are right now, with the understanding that they will not always be this way, you are on your way.
I think it is important to know that your spouse shouldnt complete your life. They shouldnt be responsible for your happiness. What a terrible burden to put on anyone.
They should enhance your life.
I remembered that there were days when I was angry, sad, disappointed and upset in my marriage. I think everyone can admit to that.
And so, there are days that are like that in my life. But there are days of great joy and happiness.
Life is about growth and change. It's about accepting its rewards as well as its challenges. It is about having hope and understanding that we really do not know how its going to turn out. And that's ok because we can survive and thrive.. We can feel love and sadness, happiness and hurt. Its all a part of it.
But what we shouldnt ever do is accept that we are not worthy of experiencing it all.
No matter how your sitch turns out, whether you reconcile or not, celebrate the fact that you have survived, you have grown and you have lived your life in the best way you know how.
While I am sorry for the painful experiences you had to live to become this wise, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to learn from you, these invaluable lessons. I see exactly why we click.
I'm at the head of the class, sitting up straight, and paying attention.. I'll probably raise my hand a lot....but I'm studying hard.
I used to write to people here and say I cant wait until they get to the good part. To which they would answer, "Um, UR, are you crazy?"
Dont get me wrong, I wish I hadnt had to go through all this. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. But I dont think that the lessons I've learned or the changes I've made would have been possible without this journey.
The most important thing to remember is that you will be ok. Carry that with you. When things get tough or you want to quit, pull it out because you will be.
This MLC monster is only as powerful as we allow it to be. I used to envision it as this big red ball that I carried around. After awhile, it got really heavy. It wasnt even my ball. It was his. So, why the heck was I carrying it? That's when I threw it back to him.
I needed to pick up my own ball. I chose a pretty lavender one with flowers on it. I filled it with all the things I wanted to do and all the changes I wanted to make. It was a bit heavy, too, because it was also filled with all the stuff I needed to sort through.
But each time I did, it became lighter. Every day that I got through, it became lighter. So that all that was left was all the good stuff.
Dont make that big red ball any heavier than it already is. Throw it back to him. Let him carry it.
^^^Love this, uRworthy. I feel like I just did exactly that. I threw it back to him - and he is carrying it. I've been carrying mine since BD. Every day it gets easier. Thanks.
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
What an awesome analogy uRworthy- and one that really speaks to the "fixer" in me. I'm a visual person so seeing that in my mind's eye when I want to take on and fix his chit will help.
Thanks- you really have some great advice!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Nice to "hear your voice" this morning. i REad thru your posts- i am sitting here - totally understanding it all, shaking my head yes, feeling it. you sure are a smarty pants - it is allll sooooo as you say. i CAN remember thinking i'll never ever make it thru this- i'll never feel happy again, blah blah blah.
it's been 3 or 4 yrs dbing- alot longer being unhappy and not "knowing" wtf going on. i am still ali ve, feel creative sometimes ( yay), feel "normal" sometimes, did my job for my mom - huge accomplishment DONE - JUST Feel tired and kind of "over" it all mostly. it truly is out of my hands - all of it- h, his stupid mlc, stupid ole ow - stupid ole sisters, everyone alive's big ole attitudes.
im grateful to be healthy & safe (in america) and (so far) solvent & taken care of. i cannot see the future- i don't even care to try anymore (that's good rite?) it's an open ended thing- anything truly can happen in life and i truly have no big ole road map. I'd happily settle for absence of trouble- (i know- tall order huh?) but i have no giant requirements to make me happy.
the "how could he-s" and "why..." etc. omg - i can't even force my brain to go back there. it all doesn't matter any more. some days hard to believe it (the treason) - i suppose it's like physical violence- the insanity of thinking someone you love and loves(d) you could inflict it- and that it didn't change that or mean that. i am sooo sorry for everyone alive getting mixed messages. i wonder about kids with alcoholic parents or violent parents - getting the mixed messages. it could ruin you ... Even the impatience and playing second fiddle to a stupid cell phone- how they must feel always to be less interesting than a stupid phone call.
no wonder the kids at school are soooo needy and crazy.
i realize how lucky and fortunate i am in life - even with this giant mess of a mlc crashing my entire life & heart into the ground. i am surviving tho- i have no idea what is going on inside of me or h. i don't even care most days- too much energy required to worry or figure. i may be CURED OF that. no kidding.
I worked last five days- it felt good. I am ditched this a.m.- mixed feelings.
i was at the highschool , I would not have minded "going to work" - the kids are soooo , uh hem, interesting. half the time i am amazed at their audacity and inability to even grasp the concept of "me adult- you kid - ever hear of respect for authority? i kind of feel sorry they are sooooo clueless i wonder how they'll manage in life in the real world? i like them in a wierd (masochistic) way.
it's such a challenge - getting thru the day- not pandering to them - not bashing them over the head with a plank (which alot need quite badly).
i wonder how the heck they will grow into normal people - but then, it's nice to feel like a "day off" - you know me and my constant insane "twirl" of trying to make order of my stupid house. (life) tho, i 'm sitting here cruising aroudn in this forum- not killing self to get going. I do see that my rabid neeeeed to "dump the junk" cluttering me up and "stopping" me daily - probably is one giant metaphor for me getting rid of the "insanity" load in my life. I'm not even going to bo ther trying to flesh that out- just fondly pat self on head and say - do your best today and go paint something for a bit before "getting to work".
It's better - no kidding. some days i even think i've finally just "given up" trying - I am pretty much a good egg- and who ever's got a problem with me- well, it's t heir problem.
oh well- lost 3.5 lb and happy about that. pants less tight so yay - i'm o utta here. glad you're there- voice of reason & hope.
i feel optimistic really (it's slight- but there) about life and future - i'll take it. unknown- but not scary.
hey Nero, glad to hear from you. Yes, you did have a time of it, with your mom and all. It is out of your hands now. You have no control over other's actions...thank goodness.
Yea, there is something to be said for just going with it all and seeing what happens. We should be grateful for what we have, especially when seeing how others around the world are forced to live. Perspective, right?
You are right...the hows and whys not important in the grand scheme of things.They have their place in the beginning as we are trying to sort things out. But then we realize we really cannot ever know what is in the heart and mind of someone else.
I, too, worry about how kids will make it out in the real world. I dont think most of them are prepared at all. We wanted so badly for them to have it better than we did that i think we went too far the other way in some ways.
I think its great that you have been working. Man, I could just picture you in a classroom. I would love to see it.
I do agree that your need to declutter has a basis in what you are feeling inside. A sort of cleansing of the mind and heart. You will do it when you are ready. I think you are getting closer and closer.
Yay! for you saying you are a good egg and the heck with anyone who has a problem with it. True freakin that. LOL!
And you lost weight...good for you. You sound really good, my friend. I like it.... a lot.
UR, Part of your subject line reads hope they help ... well they have!!! I will certainly be re-reading. Thank you for sharing your posts.
I was wondering tho', after having to deal with all the emotions of an LBS, how long did it take you to reach that point of understanding while on your journey? pb
pbetra ---- M: 15 yrs (in 2014) BD: 6/03/2014 Infidelity ('known' from July 2014) Denied PA Feb 2015 2 leave Mar 2015 (left early Summer). Some contact. Back briefly 2017 (after family death) Separated 2017
You know, everyone's journey is different, so the timeframes will be, too.
I had a lot of work to do and I came kicking and screaming into Dbing. I couldnt get it for quite some time. It wasnt until I truly let go, that my journey really began. It was a process. A painful, difficult, amazing process.
It happens when it does. The main thing is to keep moving forward. Even if it is just baby steps. As long as it is forward facing.
You dont want to skip any parts. Each and every step is important.
The main thing to realize is this - that you will be ok. You will survive and thrive if you choose to.
I'M, THINKING of you this morning- and just wanted to check in and say 'still alive and breathing" here. I've been workin, and busy and just not thinking or talking about all the discordant junk in myu life and just doin what i gotta do here. totally stayin in the day .
It's okay, i hope you're havin a nice fall. i wonder where the heckmy thread is- gotta go look. I was so glad to hear linda say she's doing good and seeing someone. gives me hope - like her, i feel you've been a real "life saver" of sorts - so just want to say hi and thanks again (and again...)
It's great to think in life there are people like you that find the time and make the effort to "give" - it's hard to ask for help- it's life-altering when you're forced to and someone kind cares enough to hold out a hand-
