Wow. The fact that she can even debate something that is pretty undebatable says a whole lot about where she is mentally. How odd.
It'd be one thing if one person said "we're separated" and the other person said "we're getting a divorce" it'd be arguably two sides of at least a similar coin but "I'm single" when you're definitely married... hmmm... that's one for the crazy books.
So a minor slip-up from last night's dinner - I mentioned I was going to a cooking class this week. One of the problems when W and I were together was that I didn't take her out to do fun things. So I mentioned this one to show I'm out there GAL. The whole family then mentioned a previous cooking disaster of mine, where I tried to make meat balls in a crock pot, and I put everything in there, ketchup, mustard, syrup, hot sauce, etc. It was AWFUL! I's nice they can laugh at my expense. :-)
I also mentioned during the dinner a nice story about W. It was s13's birthday so I gave the story of the day when he was born. W's water broke and I was taking her to the hospital. And she made me stop the car when W saw a little girl by herself by the side of the road. I'm all frantic to get W to the hospital, and W takes the time to make sure the little girl found her parents and was safe. I think W liked me telling the story to the family.
D19 and W no longer have much of a relationship after W walked out on me. So it was nice that d19 gave me a little encouragement in front of W. D19 made fun of how impossible it was to wake up s13, even after "daddy came back from exercising we couldn't get him up." I know W has noticed my weight loss, but it was nice to have d19 give confirmation (without my prompting) that I continue to work out.
Let's ignore the legal status of your relationship for the moment.
This still doesn't make sense. Even with her experience with online dating sites, it doesn't make sense. This is like her saying she'd be a great automobile designer because she has a driver's license.
Even if she can't see or doesn't understand her logical misstep there, this feels like button pushing on her part. I would wager that it was subconscious, if not for her (possibly) smiling at your response. Has made any signs that she's waiting on you to file?
Me: 31 W: 31 T: 10 years CL: 7 years IDLY: 01/13 Sep: 07/13 I Moved out: 10/13 W Currently seeing OM Pets, but No Children
The whole idea of her doing "dating website" photography seems crazy to me. Her saying that her being "single" gives her an advantage in this field also seems crazy to me.
Yes, you are right about W's mentioning anything about dating websites, definitely is button pushing by her.
I may be giving money and a new job for me too high of a place in our sitch. But I think the only reason she has not pushed for the divorce by now is that she wants to wait until I am making more money, so that she can try and get some maintenance/alimony from me. This is fine by me, as it gives me time to GAL, pray, and DB, all of which seem like powerful forces. It seems like a game of chicken doesn't it?
My ex once told me that just because there was a piece of paper somewhere saying that we are married, doesn't mean we are. Yes, they lose their minds.
For the first time tonight, I believed that it was good that I got divorced. I learned some painful lessons along the way but I am in a better place after all is said and done.
I don't know what the future holds for you, but I suggest you stay on a path that allows you to stay true to yourself. I wish you all the strength and courage to weather what you will encounter. Blessings, Tom.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
The whole idea of her doing "dating website" photography seems crazy to me.
Well, if I'm being honest, if you guys are in a big enough centre, it might actually be a half decent business idea. I mean, I doubt she could build a successful photography business focused specifically on dating profile pics, but it's definitely a "specializing in children's portraits and ___" kind of hook that would differentiate someone from other studios.
As it doesn't sound like your W has a studio to work out of, however, I'm not so sure she has the resources to pull it off properly.
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Her saying that her being "single" gives her an advantage in this field also seems crazy to me.
And that's the part that I'm really talking about. Being single doesn't mean she knows how to create a good online dating profile. It doesn't mean she knows what makes a successful profile photo spread, either. She doesn't have the data to work that out.
And therein lies the problem. She has no idea that she has no idea what she's doing. I forget -- have you guys separated your finances? Because if she's serious about this angle, she's setting herself up for a very rude awakening. Without that data, and without the population density to sustain a niche specialty business (especially one that will not have anything in the way of repeat customers!), she'll be throwing her money into a black hole. Make sure it isn't your money going down there, too!
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I may be giving money and a new job for me too high of a place in our sitch. But I think the only reason she has not pushed for the divorce by now is that she wants to wait until I am making more money, so that she can try and get some maintenance/alimony from me. This is fine by me, as it gives me time to GAL, pray, and DB, all of which seem like powerful forces. It seems like a game of chicken doesn't it?
You're the lawyer here. Can she ask for an increased alimony based off of money you've earned after she's moved out? Child support, sure, I'd get that, but if it can be argued that she has delayed filing for divorce so that she can get a larger payout, that seems like it should be a factor in the alimony calculation. Plus, it sounds like she's perfectly capable of getting a job if her home business isn't capable of paying the bills.
Does MN recognize separation? And, perhaps more importantly, do you think you could get her on record claiming to be single, even though you haven't yet been served divorce papers? A repeat of your conversation at the restaurant over text or email would go a long way there, especially if your response isn't "we're still married" but rather "why haven't you filed for divorce yet?".
Me: 31 W: 31 T: 10 years CL: 7 years IDLY: 01/13 Sep: 07/13 I Moved out: 10/13 W Currently seeing OM Pets, but No Children
FWIW, I am a photographer and have photographed many people for their dating sites. It's not really a niche in the business. I mean, I shoot portraits in general (children, families, engagements, etc.) and I live where shooting head shots is a big part of the business but if someone were to hire me for a couple "dating site portraits" it would take me 5 minutes and I'd charge next to nothing to email them digital files. Done. There's no money in it whatsoever.
Thanks Ss06 and Spacey. Yes Ss06, I think you hit it on the head of why I can't imagine that "dating website photos" will be a money maker. It's just too easy to take your own photo, or have someone take a few headshots for this to be a business for her only source of income.
Now the fact that my W has been on ALL of the dating websites, this may be the "experience" that might be helpful for this sort of business. But perhaps her real goal here is to use this as way to meet other guys.
So a not great turn in my dealings with W. She has gone dark on me, with no contact even on dealing with kids (s13 and d17 stay with her during the week.)
It was hard not having anything from her on s13's first day of school yesterday. So I gave her a quick text this morning to make sure s13 actually made it to school. W gave me a lengthy response that son made it to school, but then had a lengthy nap when he got home, missing football practice. But nothing more, so I sit tight and see where W is driving this show.
