Walk away partner after 22 years . First post

[South74]

Here goes .
Several months ago I suspected my partner of having an affair and in the end I was proved right .
When I had proof she just left .
Leaving me with my S18 and D12 .
Spoken a few times and heard all the usual she wasn't happy for years and doesn't love me etc.
she said she needed space to sort her head out but spent first week at her sisters flat seeing the OM most days .
Me and the kids would see them together a few times and this would cause a lot of pain and upset to us.
Fast forward a few more weeks and she is back home on a 2 week trial after breaking down and crying and telling me how much she missed the kids and that she realised she can't survive on her wages .
Am I a complete fool for letting her have the trial ?

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

[South74]

Thanks for your advice .
Just one question and that is how can 2 weeks be long enough ?
Should I be upbeat because she has agreed to a trial

[South74]

So I have discovered the only reason she has come home is because she had no where else to go and is using this time to build bridges with the children s18 d12 before she leaves again to live with OM .
Should I make her leave or just keep hoping that she will see the changes in me and change her mind ?

[South74]

Ok last few days have been hell .
W told me a few days ago that she is leaving on Sunday , which has meant I've had to try and put on a brave face for the last few days and try with all my might to stop myself from throwing her out .
She still hasn't told the kids yet , says she is speaking to daughter tonight when I am at work .
Don't think she is going to talk to S as he isn't talking to her anyway .

But to top it of she has said she wants no contact with me unless it is about kids , she is saying that she needs to find out if she will miss me .

This is really killing me .

Help!

[Gotan74]

It's tough but you have to stay strong for the kids. Find something to put your energy into. The more you think about it the worse you will feel. I know it's hell but you will get through this believe me.

[Rick1963]

Hey south sorry u find yourself here. Please read DB while u are waiting for it go to the top of the newcomers thread and read Sandis 37 rules. Focus on u and the kids right now. Dont worry about what she is doing dont snoop. Give her space. This takes time and patience.

[South74]

Thanks guys been reading your thread gotan and the similarities are scary and it so hard when you love them so much and nothing seems to work .
I've tried sticking to the rules but it's so hard I let my heart and head take over and try and talk cuddle her rub her feet and the whole time she just keeps saying I don't want to give you false hope , I'm like even a little hope is good

[Ahoy]

South -- let her come to you -- don't initiate cuddles or foot rubs. Give them only if she approaches you with a request. Even though she may be back, she still needs space, and even though it's counter-intuitive, catering to her every need won't actually draw her back to you. Showing that you are a strong, independent, happy and non-needy person will help draw her back.
She's warning you re: the false hope.
Don't have any expectations.

[bdub]

South,
Detach detach, detach. It is very difficult but it is something you MUST do. You have to stop letting her emotions and actions control you.
If you do little things for her like rubbing her feet, dont do it with expectations, do it because you are being kind.

My WAW still lives at home and it is so hard to detach. I am not far enough yet, but I have done enough that I am starting to feel better and starting to work on me.