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((((Nitty)))

YOU ROCK! smile

"Goddess that is Goat Gal".
I love it!!!

I might have to add another "G" to my name:

Gumby Goat Gal GODDESS!!!!


You made my (already weird) day!

-----------GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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job Offline
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GG,
Your h noticed how you looked and he will remember how you looked long after he's gone home. Mlcers notice everything, especially when we look great, but they will not make much mention of it because they don't want you to know that you caught her attention.

Continue to be yourself and enjoy the time away from the farm whenever you can. Your h is very lost and one day, he'll get that deck done for you when you least expect it. If and when he does, be sure to compliment him on doing it.

Take care of yourself.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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GGG,

I want to remind you that GUBU is ornery because he DOES see the contrast and wants to pull you down to his level because he is so damned miserable. Again, try not to let his moods affect you.

Job is correct ^^. I lived that myself. I was curious as hell whenever Ms. Wonka went out and did her thing. Damned if I ever gave her a whiff of my attention lest she thought I cared about her. sigh

Remember MCLer's innards are one massive mess like a broken C-3PO on the assembly line waiting to be fixed, shined and buffed at the Skywalker Junkyard. wink


Last edited by Wonka; 09/02/14 02:19 AM.
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Hey GGG,

Been awhile, haven't had the energy to post recently - also don't know where to start and feel that if I do it could be soooooo long it might close down the boards!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, I have been reading all your posts and trying to get a 'detached' view of where you and GUBU are (that was my suggestion of a name and I love that you are using it!!!!) to see if I can make any coherent comments.

So, here it is - STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are great but doing yourself no favours - think of GUBU's timeline for his MLC - can you figure out when it started????????
BD was less than two years ago - maybe he is only half way through this?????? You have expectations, you have!!!!!

You want this to be over, it is not. You cannot rush this, you can only look after you. You sound scared and I don't want you to be afraid. You must look after yourself better, sleep, breath, meditate.

If GUBU is not helping enough, tell him and then get more help, stop trying to do it all - it is not healthy. GUBU needs to see you as being the sane one, it is insane to do all this work on your own and have no time for your art, for yourself. He gets to have sufficient time to do his work and looking after the farm is a hobby for him, you need time to do your work and to look after the animals as a hobby.

Do not be afraid to discuss the situation with the animals, to fire some truth darts about how little he is doing (compared to when he lived there) - be strong, make him see it as you putting the animals and their well-being before your R issues. Say it with kindness - you can do this!!!

But again - STOP!!!!!! Take a breath, GUBU is moving through the stages but seems to be in replay, that is just that, you cannot make this go any faster. He needs to know that you are the calm sea in the midst of his storm, a safe harbour, but that you hold the anchor!!!!!!!!!!!

He is in pain, but so are you and you are letting him drag you down into his chaos and confusion and it is very unhealthy for you.

You are so bright and funny, you are the prize, be the prize!!!!!!!!! Get your studio up and running as a priority - over and above everything else - get time in there, be creative and grow!! Let GUBU go, move forward with or without him. If he wants to follow, he will - be the lighthouse, he may crash on the rocks, he may swim and climb up to the lighthouse or he may not - you cannot control this. My guess, he will scale the rocks but only if the light is shining!! SHINE GGG, SHINE!!!!!!


ok, so I am telling you everything I have been trying to tell myself over the past few months - hopefully one of us will actually do it!

Mind yourself............

Sonas

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Hi GGG(G)(Last G is for Goddess),
So, it's Tuesday, weekend is over and we are back to work and/or regular lives. Tell us, oh Goddess of the Goats, did GUBU ever have his "talk"? Or did he chicken out after seeing how much better you looked in that dress than any of his online chippies? I LOVE that you were so together, looking so good, having fun while he was sitting around in front of the TV looking at the online dating profiles of all the 50+ weirdos who actually responded to the "creepy" sounding profile you told us about that he had posted on his smartphone!

I know exactly what you mean when you talk about the "one-sided" conversations! When I talk to W (not often anymore) it's like the only topics in the world have to do with her or her father and new "mom" (Fathers OW who he ran off with when she was 10 years old). To hear her, they are the greatest minds of the 21st century! AND they "allow" her to be around them. If I talk about the girls or, God forbid, myself, she gets this glazed look in her eyes like "what do I care, let me tell you about ME!". Even her teenage kids see it and you know how teens see themselves as the center of the universe!

GGG(G), he is crazy not to see you for the unique, special person you are. When you are out doing things you enjoy, the other people see you for who you are and enjoy being around you. I remember just past B-day when my W and I were at a party that one of her work friends had. Most of the people there know me and I have always gotten along great with them. At one point my W came up to me and said in this astonished voice "Wow, everyone here really seem to like you" like it was some unbelievable revelation. Or better yet, like "why don't they see you as the jerk I see you as"? It's just proves that you could be the best looking, smartest, most perfect spouse ever and they still will see you as the "bad" one. Like is always said, it's not about us, it's all about them.

So, tell us. Did he ever come out and say what's on his fevered little mind or did he just go back to his rabbit hole to keep baking?

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Ssonas!

I'm so glad to hear from you!
I am glad you've been reading along and following with the GUBU news!
(Now I know who to credit with that perfect name. smile )

I know my posts are a bit all over the place, but rest assured that even without an operational ceramics studio, I am fortunate to enjoy many other creative outlets and activities that stretch and grow my soul.

A full ceramics studio is a huge undertaking and since my sitch has developed, it no longer seems as important.
Trust me when I say it might be easier to pack up and move--to set up a new studio--than it would be to get this one operational again.

It's full of GUBU's construction debris, tools, storage, his "I'm not having a Mid-life Crisis Red MGB convertible", among other things.

The power has been cut off, my chemicals are stale, the clay is dried out, and I have more pressing things to do.

He would have to cooperate to remove his "things" and it's been a source of tension between us.
It was supposed to be "my" studio, the main reason we moved to this place!

Shorter thereafter, he decided I only needed half the space (not as a pro), and that he could store HAY in there. He got upset with me when I "questioned" the hay being there, saying I was "overthinking" things.

Right. 2400 degree Fahrenheit kiln temperatures and dry hay stacked nearby is a great plan...

Now his stuff takes over 3/4 of the place.
Not only is it unsafe to work there, I work with high-fire porcelain.
This means that any specks of dirt or random material that get worked into the clay can ruin my pieces.

The environment has to be fairly pristine, or at least cleanable.

Funny---he KNOWS this. And he used to be completely on board with helping me with the firings, setting up the projects, hauling clay, doing the heavy lifting.

He was my partner in this.

But that went the way of everything else, I guess.


So that's the studio scoop.

I still dance often, DJ, and perform live music sets, so I am not wanting for creative outlets.

And yes, he needs to help more with the animals. I have someone available to help me but... this is not an excuse, but it's complicated.

I appreciate all the input and support I've gotten while I've been going through this crazy Labor Day Weekend!

Updates to come!

Thrills, chills, and lots of excitement!


---GGG +G


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Posts: 1,174
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Now I KNOW you're all on the edges of your seats, so HERE IT COMES!

Ready????


PPPPPPPPPFFFFFFfffffffftttttttttttt!

Nada. Nothing. Zip.


His "Lead Up" statements:

* "I want to bury my girl (dog, Eleanor) this weekend."

Saturday he said he wanted to, then didn't want to.
Sunday, same thing.
We planned for Monday, then he decided he was leaving early, going for a bike ride, and I was RELIEVED to see him go!
----------------------------------------------------------

About the Decks:
* "Would you PICK A STAIN ALREADY????!!!"

He kept talking about picking stains, brought home swatches--but there's no plan.
I reiterate about setting up a weekend, how I'm happy to help, just want a head's up.

We finally select a color.
He's not happy with the fact that the very dark stain he likes will lessen the life of the decks because of sun damage.
I was prepared to let this go, but said, "As long as you're okay with that..." and he grudgingly selected the next darkest stain.
Whatever...It's fine.

That's a 180 for me, just to let his (ugly) choice go. Yay, me!

We continue to go around and around for about five minutes about a BASIC game plan and a TIME to do this---and I'm wondering what the problem is! I'm thinking, is it me? Am I THIS DENSE?

Then he whines at me--looks almost teary---and says:
"Can we JUST NOT OVERTHINK THIS FOR ONCE???"

I said, "How is planning a weekend "overthinking"?

He says: "It's not THAT complicated". (I admit, I'm missing his point.)
Me: "What do you mean?'

H: (Here's a clue--FINALLY!) "It's not really a job for two people."

(Ahhh.. GUBU, the Master of the Badly Dropped Hints!!!)

Me: "Okay...." (Feeling a teeny bit hurt, but mostly relieved.)

Him: "I don't need any help."

Me: "That's fine! I don't mind at all, in fact I'm happier to leave you to it.
"I was just under the impression that you wanted me to work on because it might go faster with two people and you've wanted me to work on it alone."

(I'm thinking, he's been volunteering to help ME with what was MY project! Duh! I didn't know the game had changed.)

H: "I'd just rather do it by myself."

M: Muttering under my breath. "Yeah, like everything else."
(I don't even know if I said this out loud, or just thought it. Probably a barely audible mutter. But I'd been trying to get some clarity for weeks. Sheesh!)

(Not DBing, maybe but)
Me: "I'm not so terrible to work with, you know."

Him: "I know..."

Me: "I think it would have saved some time if you had just said that at the beginning, because I've been trying to accommodate you and how you wanted to address it, but I feel like a chump because you just let me go on like that instead of saying what you were thinking."

M: "It would just make things so much easier if you said what you meant, you know, just come right out with it. I'm thrilled to let you do the decks by yourself if that's what you want to do."

Call it a "Truth Dart", whatever you will. At some point, he's got to be trained!
That was ridiculous, all that dancing around about nothing. And me bending over backwards to validate and accommodate, and he had NO INTENTION of working on it with me or planning anything!

To my credit, I was sleep-deprived x 2 nights, not fully awake.
But I used a very soft voice, was very relaxed, not angry, not stressing, just stating a fact.
(Except for that "yeah, like everything else" dig.)
I used DBing techniques, which is probably why it too SO DANG LONG to finally get to the real issue.

Here I am reflecting, listening, validating... he's probably not used to it!
Trust me, he never said a thing about wanting to do it alone and he had many opportunities.

Then my attempt at light-heartedness:
"You know me, pasty blonde people don't do well in the hot sun slaving away with buckets of stain... so yeah. Have at it!"
"I'm actually really relieved that you're OK doing it on your own. I know you'll do a great job!!! And I'll enjoy watching you do it. I'll keep the Gatorade bucket full." smile


I Smiled, laughed...I let him know IT's OKAY!!! You SAY what's on your mind, and you get REWARDED!

For Pete's sake: Say what you MEAN, MEAN what you say, DUDE!!!!!

Why torture me with trying to pussyfoot around such a simple thing?
We're talking WEEKS of me trying to "figure out" what he was trying to say, while he was busy beating around the bush.

However, at the end, he did APOLOGIZE for continuing to allow me to labor under a misconception!
"Sorry"

Hey, I'll take it.
-------------------------------------------------------------

"I want to talk... about the future"

Nope. I never mentioned it, he never mentioned it, he didn't even HINT at it!

Hasn't said a peep about it since.

HOWEVER: Actions speak louder than words.


He was back working on the basement bathroom, clearing out some construction debris down there, setting up some lighting, organizing his stuff, and his last words to me before leaving were:

"Do you think during your week you can get rid of some of the old pillows and things down in the basement? There is a big pile of stuff and it's useless so you might throw it away."

BIG HINT!!!!!!!!! Ya THINK???????



----GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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It all just sounds like a script from a very depressed person that does not have enough strength to do almost anything.

Let him go and continue on his way with his crisis.

You didnt break him and cant FIX him


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Cadet said: "You didn't break him and you can't FIX him."

Yep.
I know that now and I have accepted it.
I can, however, continue to set some boundaries and move ahead with my life.

And cutting to the chase in these circular conversations is a start.

If he needs or wants something, he's just going to have to say it.

That's his job, not mine.
I am not a mindreader! smile

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Just for the record, I had a super-fabulous weekend!

My DJed dance party was fantastic, and ended with people screaming up to me in the DJ booth:
"We LOVE YOU GOAT GAL!!!!!!!" from the dance floor.
It went much later than planned and people were grabbing me on my way out, saying they hadn't had so much fun in years.
Me either! I had a blast.

Gee, you think they liked it?
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunday evening culminated with a few women (my age and younger) talking to me about how "inspiring" I was to them, how good I made them feel---and then we all went skinny dipping in the river at 3 AM!

(Really, I could not make this stuff up if I tried. Massive validation for being the super-cool, Gumby Goat Gal. And I swear I am BETTER since I learned DBing. I am a better listener, among other things.)

Anyhow. Swimming.
Total darkness, just one lone Tiki-Torch, so no one could see anything.
(And I wasn't the only over-50 something there, so it was kind of a "bucket list" thing.)

So last weekend was swimming in a mountain lake, this weekend was skinny-dipping in the mighty river.

Pretty cool.

I gave GUBU the rundown each morning, not rubbing his nose in it, just letting him know my sets went well (an understatement!) and I had a nice time at the party, saw lots of friends, went swimming... He was like: "That's nice."
(I brought a swimsuit, so....:) )

How's that for some GALing???

And, Maybell, someone DID get a great dance pic of me in that Turquoise Chinese Silk Dress.


BOOM! smile
(Again.)


---GGG





Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Posts: 1,174
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And the silliness continues...

H just called. (No contact since he left yesterday except a few texts, like "hope all is well, goodnight" and "be up around around 6"

I think it was Zues who said a good rule of thumb is to give back about 80% of whatever warmth he puts out so it doesn't come off like pursuit.

So I responded with less words... with "zzzzz..." and such.

But just now I got--GASP!---a phone call.

"IS IT RAINING?"

Are you kidding?

Anyhow, I took the bait, called him back, laughing.

Yep. It's RAINING! It happens sometimes. Oky-doky.

He says, "Well, it's raining here. I was wondering if it was raining there."

Yep. Water is falling from the sky...

Anyhow, I laughed and said yep, "the sky is falling, dogs are barking, have fun in the mud!" Very pleasant.


The last time I let him know it was pouring here, he'd said:
"No big deal, I have a slicker and boots there to wear."

Wheeeeeee!!!!!


---GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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