Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
So in the GAL department I might be coaching a girls basketball team. I've done it before, that would definitely keep me busy!



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
So I am definitely coaching my D11's basketball team. That's going to take a lot of
time but it's something I enjoy.

Today was fine I spent a lot of time drafting my team so I was not around H very much. Now he's out at a sporting event that's a business function. Stress free evening with my girls.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Hi all, journaling again.

I have a question about when to tell the kids. I had not wanted to tell them until H had an apartment secured and was actually ready to move. Up until now, I had held out hope that maybe he would change his mind and we wouldn't actually have to tell them. After having had two L consultations, I'm not so afraid of the financial consequences of D, and I'm more willing to let him go. Being more detached is most likely also playing a role here. So, my questions I'm wrestling with is, should we go ahead and tell the kids that dad wants to move out and is apartment shopping? I'd try to phrase that a little more diplomatically with the kids, but that's the general gist of what's actually happening. Do we tell them that there's trouble in paradise and that he is planning to move, or do we wait and spring it on them just before the actual move?



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
I wouldn't say anything until it's lined up. It feels to loose right now. "Dad is wanting to move out but we don't know when" will illicit a stream of questions that won't have real answers. I hate to say to spring it on them, however it's going to blindside them anyway. Preparing them for his eventual move sadly won't lessen the blow.

Just my 2 cents

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/29/14 02:20 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
I wouldn't say anything until it's lined up. It feels to loose right now. "Dad is wanting to move out but we don't know when" will illicit a stream of questions that won't have real answers.

Just my 2 cents


That's what I've thought all along, I was just second-guessing myself this morning. And in all honesty, maybe trying to make his life a little uncomfortable seeing the kids misery in a way that he won't once he leaves. I'll get to deal with all that myself.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
He won't see it as consistently as you do but he'll feel it, trust me. My H is aware that he's missing out on a LOT. He will never get that back and I am certain he knows it because trying to get anything out of them (for example, hearing about their first days of school) is impossible in ten minutes on the phone. They aren't willing to give him more than that and he doesn't even get to talk to them every day. Compared to missing all that, my coping with their unhappiness is actually a pleasure -- at least I get to know them.

And nobody ever stayed home because they were too guilty to bust loose if that was what they wanted to do.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
RPP,

I agree that they are missing so much. However, I think it can take quite a while for them to realize it. I think initially they are *excited* to be free and *the pressure is off* are common sentiments. I also think (and I'm not a therapist although I play one with friends) that for some, they are trying to run from the responsibilities. Those folks may not even stop to *realize* they are missing out. That's got to be a difficult life to live. However, they still are missing out.

Like I say, it's not a contest. However, I love being there for my kids. I hate to see them hurt and confused to their dad's behavior. However, I have zero control over him. I just remind them that I'm here for them and that we both love them very much. As my kids' IC says, their Dad loves them to the best of his ability.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
Good morning DB-ers. This weekend I was away at a soccer tournament with D16 while H stayed home with D11. I know they had a good time together, and I enjoyed some alone time, too. We got home last night and had a family dinner. Today is back to routine, so there's not a lot to report.

Georgiabelle and Maybell, thanks for your input. I know you are right, I just need to hear it sometimes. It's too easy to second-guess myself alone. I appreciate you guys!

I'm finding more and more that I'm ready for him to move out. All along, my real issue with it has been telling the kids, and I'd still really prefer that H magically snap out of his MLC and stay. But I've resigned myself to the fact that he's going to walk and I'm growing weary of guessing when. This morning he made a reference to "looking at real estate" and mentioned that he had seen pictures of the house we owned before this one because it's for sale again. We can't afford to buy that house back (as a second house), not sure why he was looking at it, but I stuck to some comments on what they had done with the bathroom and left it at that.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
H just texted that he has dinner out. Again. I'm trying to be grateful that he bothered to tell me and not wonder where he will be. Trying......sigh.....

This is why I sometimes think it would be easier if he moved out. He's gonna do what he's gonna do, but if he didn't live with me I wouldn't have to see it.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
And another thing.....I used to never question that every dinner out was a legitimate business function. Stupid maybe, but I really believed he was being faithful and I didn't worry about it. Now, however, even if he came begging at my feet for forgiveness tomorrow (I wish!), I'd wonder every time he had a dinner out. Even if he was truly being faithful, I'd always wonder. I am willing to forgive, but not sure I'd truly ever have peace of mind again.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard