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I don't know who Clark went with, but I keep projecting it's the OW. I just can't get this out of my head...I really hate being in here!


I hate being in my head, too. It's noisy and chaotic, overrun with OWs! I need to hire an exterminator.


M:54, H:55
T:33, M:27
12/13 BD: EA
01/14 BD: PA, H leaves
03/14 H & OW break up
05/14 H says he will file for D
08/14 H initiates D
09/14 H wants to R
12/14 Still bungling our way through R
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Atsbaby Offline OP
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Son of a biscuit!

Clark just came over, woke me up to have sex! I'm not sure how to approach this. He said he will deny that we had sex. (I wasn't fully awake, but I think I'm going to regret this one).

I'm betting he was with ow, feels guilty, and wants sex but he's still married. Just mind reading . What a time to develop morals!

At least I know he's not being physical in the intercourse aspect of cheating!! BTW, not really helpful...


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
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Woah, Ats...that would freak me out in the middle of a sleep, 4am .... Just the thought of anyone entering the house at that time is scary!

The whole sex thing aside, the coming in at 4:00... Coming and going unannounced at all...is that ok with you?

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It's not ok him showing up whenever, but I'm not sure how to set that boundary. I did just get him to finally stop coming to the house without me being there, or at least give me a heads up that he was coming.

I'm more mad at myself than anything. I knew better, but so did he. He knew I'd be sleeping! My brain wasn't totally functioning at awareness, but I also did have the thought of pushing him away. After 3 weeks of no attention and then he comes over wanting attention....I'm just so mad, frustrated, disappointed, sad. You know all those feelings.

I'm still going to not pursue. I'm not going to respond to him immediately. He pursued me. I really need to re-read dr and finish a couple other books that I have.

I can continue to detach. I have to for me. Now I need to figure out how to forgive myself.


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
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Do not beat yourself up over it. I think what he did was really shifty and snake-like... You were asleep. You were vulnerable, as we all are when we're sleeping. He knew that. He took advantage.

We all want things to go back to "normal" which they never ever will..... But it is totally understandable that when you miss those old days, and you're half asleep, and you have the familiarity of your own H coming toward you wanting you... I think anyone in our shoes would understand it's hard to resist the moment.

But, yeah, a boundary has to be there or it will continue. And then you won't ever sleep well because you'll lie awake and wonder "is he going to come tonight" and have anxiety and fear...that's the emotional/mental terrorism I dealt with a lifetime ago. Don't do it.

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I have his keys and I really should change the garage code so he doesn't know it, but then my kids would probably tell him. It's so difficult with young kids because they just aren't responsible enough yet.

So s10 football was cancelled tonight, premature if you ask me. D9 and I ran 1/2 mile tonight. She starts cross country in 2 weeks. Then I grabbed s off the playground and we got dinner. I was nice and asked Clark if he wanted to eat with us. He came back to the house and after 15 minutes, called asking if the dog needed to be let out...what? Probably, I don't know. Is he telling you needs too? Let me use my ESP with him, then I'll let you know grin

So he was kind of like the old Clark tonight. I remained distant, plus still mad at myself. We ate then I took the dog for a walk...needed away from Clark for so many reasons. He apparently did NOT go back to his mothers last night. Kids were really upset they didn't see him this morning, and of course he left at 5 last night. They told me they would have rather been with me. Unfortunately this is a battle that I won't be able to fight once custody is reached.

Whatever, I let it go and moved on. He asked about figuring out weighted grades...I think he was using this as an excuse for me to "help" him. I'm not giving advice regarding home work. Just validating.

He left after a small chat about classes. He is beginning to notice I'm not telling him much about me wink. Then texted shortly after he left. Clark is pursuing and by golly, I'm not going to fall for it! I HAVE to break this cycle.

So my goal tonight is to finish my homework and go to bed...do not answer anymore of his texts!


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 246
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Quick update from Crazyland...my really good friend from childhood just called me (the one I was hanging with yesterday) and said Clark just messengered he on FB. He hasn't talked with her in years!

She asked how to reply and if I wanted her to dig. So proud of my self...told her to db his @$$! I'm not even going to question WHY, we'll never know.

Very strange confused


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 246
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Atsbaby Offline OP
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Posts: 246
So I have now seen the OW. Clark apparently didn't think things through, so I have a picture of the 2 of them together. I'm going to give the picture to my attny and see where we go from here. This was supposed to be his time with the kids and they were with my in-laws while he is out on a "date."

I really want to show MIL, but I won't. I don't want to burn the bridge. I need to let him go. I'm trying so hard, but this definitely adds fuel to my fire.

I'm the lighthouse even though Clark is sailing the wrong direction!


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
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Posts: 910
Ugh, I'm so sorry, Ats. That stinks to have the mental image now. Remember, ow is just a bandaid, nothing more. She does not hold a candle to you, and she never will. His poor decisions, especially those that hurt the kids, will do him no favors should this D go through.

Hang in there, and do the best you can to turn away from the train wreck of a mess they both are. Let it die a natural death. Don't give any attention to it whatsoever. This was the one lesson I was able to learn early on, and it served me well.

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Ats,

OW isn't you. She is an escape from reality and responsibilities. She doesn't have a history with him like you do. Hang in there!



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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