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Maybell #2483942 09/01/14 08:25 PM
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Maybell,

I say this with 100% honesty...

I hardly know you beyond your marital situation, which is a rather intimate thing to know about someone when you don't know the rest of them all that well but I digress. What I DO know is that I think you are incredibly FUN, hilarious, engaging and overwhelmingly supportive. If I can see those things from 4,000 miles away then your H is BLIND.

I'm sorry.

Last edited by Ss06; 09/01/14 08:25 PM.

M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Ss06 #2483944 09/01/14 08:31 PM
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Ss, thank you so much, that's really kind of you.

Maybe I would see the day as having gone better if I had been more willing to meet him where he IS. Which is in a place that's not terribly attractive. Where I don't want to be for any length of time.

I will give him credit... he was trying harder than he tried while he actually lived in the house. I suppose that's something.

Well, I looked pretty good. I've managed a LOT of stuff completely without him. He said he wanted an invitation, I gave it, and I met him prepared to talk about things that weren't the kids.

Ball's in his court now. He's out of the country for ten days and I've got a life.

Last edited by Maybell; 09/01/14 08:32 PM. Reason: Accuracy

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2483949 09/01/14 08:38 PM
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Originally Posted By: Maybell

Maybe I would see the day as having gone better if I had been more willing to meet him where he IS. Which is in a place that's not terribly attractive. Where I don't want to be for any length of time.


I'm confused by this. Perhaps it's the lack of coffee in my system but why would you backslide to meet him where he IS? You be where you ARE. You've worked hard to get there and if where he is is rather unattractive then for goodness sake, don't go there. Let him rise to meet you. I know you're worried that he won't but don't backslide to make it easier for him.

You have worked TOO hard.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Ss06 #2483951 09/01/14 08:41 PM
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I mean... if *I* had accepted that what I got from his was as good as I was going to get maybe I wouldn't have hoped to see that pattern broken.

But really, I think what it means is, we'll have to establish new patterns away from home and the kids before I can trust him in the house again.

I want to say "I hate him" but I know that's not true so I'll just say "I'm so tired of struggling with something that seems so obvious."

Last edited by Maybell; 09/01/14 08:46 PM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2483953 09/01/14 08:51 PM
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Got it! Ok. Makes good sense and is VERY assertive and strong. Stick with that.

It's hard to understand why the WAS isn't working on breaking patterns like we are. There are 10,000 reasons but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when we realize they aren't even on the same sports arena as we are sometimes. And then they leave after having eaten their amazing BLT (metaphor for cake) and go off into WAS land.

I understand you're tired of struggling with something so obvious. It does seem obvious. And it seems uncomplicated to fix and actually rewarding for ALL involved if it were fixed, right? Alas.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Ss06 #2483955 09/01/14 08:57 PM
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I'm so glad he's going to be gone for so long. I need a reset. I deserve better and almost every person in my life gives me better than he does. I need to detach more. I feel icky.

And just had a number of text exchanges about bill stuff (came up after he left, he hadn't looked at the bills before that) and he couldn't even sweeten it with anything personal.

Is that me or him?

How am I supposed to go to IC on Wednesday with this experience and not hear the C tell me again to walk away from him?

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


One quick edit to say... I am doing a 180 right this minute by venting all this here instead of at him. He's getting silence from me. I can't do this any more. I'm so tired of letting him hurt me. I wish I had not invited him.

Last edited by Maybell; 09/01/14 09:01 PM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2483958 09/01/14 09:05 PM
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vent, vent, vent. this is the place for it.

Dont' expect sweetened texts. Have no expectations... because when you do, you get to make BLTs (metaphor for nothing changing and getting taken advantage of). Expectations create opportunities for disappointment and it's hard to prepare for that.

I hate that you have to fight for your right to fight for your marriage with IC. Hmmm... I have to think more about that one.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Ss06 #2483959 09/01/14 09:08 PM
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Maybell Offline OP
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What did he want an invitation for if that's all that was going to happen???


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Maybell #2483966 09/01/14 09:25 PM
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I'm not sure that's what his plan was (but I don't know him like you do).

He's a confusing dude, that's for sure.

Next time I'd say, "I'll meet you all at the bowling alley" but I completely understand that being MONTHS away, Maybell.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Ss06 #2483978 09/01/14 10:04 PM
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Maybell,

I'm sorry the afternoon was a bit of a bust. I commend your effort and don't be so hard on yourself. You are a smart, funny lady who is doing a wonderful job with your kids in very trying circumstances.

I'm going to take a stab here that you may want to consider for future invitations. If I remember correctly, the dynamic (not the behavior) that played out today was similar to the way your M was. If I'm confusing you with someone else I do apologize. However, staying home IMHO only reinforced the previous dynamic. Your h *expects* you to raise the kids and he obviously has a rather hectic work life. Switch it up. Should you decide to extend an invite in the future, try a "let's meet at x!"

And don't get me started on fathers who say they babysit their own kids. I know one of those rather well.

You tried. It wasn't perfect although your armed some things. Dust yourself off and move on:-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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