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Wow, M, I read that all the time...how similar they all are, and scripts, behaviors....CRAZY!!!!!

I would disagree, M, that YOU did anything wrong at all.... Please don't think that. This isn't about us and that is clear. You can't control his bad decisions, and if would bet my dog that he regrets his choices everyday. (Yes I'm that certain) I would bet he would undo sooooo much that he can't.

No worries about advice. I'll take the support ALL DAY LONG smile. Thank you.

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Shining,
You got my support! Wow, I can't imagine how hard that was to not pull out a 2x4 and hit him upside the head! I only hope I'm able to DB my self when we get to that point.

Hang in there smile


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
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Ats, he's very lucky there were no 2x4s nearby....

It's a really good thing I have self control. It's also a good thing I am not drinking....

Does anyone ever fantasize about doing snoopy things, or just something to get H freaked out? I would never do so many things that come to mind, and I also know I would gain no satisfaction from this stuff, and I always pride myself on maintaining the white-hat status. BUT.... the thought of placing a fake profile on dating sites has crossed my mind as self amusement....

NO, I WOULDN'T AND HAVEN'T.

In fact, I don't EVER check his fb. I don't even have access to his emails or texts, or anything. I'm completely in the dark unless there is something slipped out of someone else's mouth. I prefer to not know. It helps me not care.

My Sarcastic Sassypants attitude du Jour is thinking of a funny ad I would never post:

"Age: MLC, so it will be a lie anyway. Body: Not as good as he claims.
Married man who speaks like a middle-schooler, and is cheating on his wife leaving her to deal with the aftermath of his poor decisions, seeks skanky bottom feeder that will believe everything he says, and worship the very ground on which he walks. The ideal ho's that are between the ages of 18, and 18 and one half are preferred, but will consider all offers with a hole and a heartbeat. Please be psycho, desperate and insecure. He can't handle a strong, beautiful woman right now. He will pretend to listen to your every desire for a maximum of ten seconds. Then he will tell you how awesome he is at everything, he can rescue you from whatever ails you, and that he's in a loveless marriage, I mean, oops, he's NOT married at all....whichever lie he recalls at the time. From there, be prepared to be completely spoiled and treated like a princess while hooking up in the back seat of a vehicle, or public fast-food restroom, whichever mood you're in. Please live close, so all our mutual friends and coworkers will recognize you when you're out. And hurry!! He needs everything immediately upon asking, due to either impatience or the fact that he completely forgot what he was just doing."

Aaahhhhh....got it out here. All better smile.

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O.M.G. Hilarious.

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Love it!


Atsbaby
M:36 H:35
T: 19 M:12
S:11
D:9
BD: 5/4/14
Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her
8/19 admits OW
8/22/14 files D w/o telling me
9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
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You are hysterical, Shining.

You sound good. I'm glad. Yea, they can keep it together for others...the mask and all.

But when they are among people who know them well, they can let their guard down a bit. They try so hard to keep it together at work and all, but, it does spill over some.

Amazing, isnt it, that he doesnt realize what he sounds like bragging about his apartment. He is on this path that he has to see through in order to come out the other side.

He will begin to see that he got rid of you and still isnt happy, got an ow, still not happy, got a shiny new apartment, still not happy.

The hope is that he sees that the problem is within him.

Keep allowing him to walk this.

You are doing great.

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I'm open for input.... Confused. I've been pursuing less than ever. And he seems to want more distance than ever.....maybe he is saying more, but it feels like he's moving further away....

I haven't seen H in a couple of days, and have been pretty dark since the last time I saw him. We haven't been physical, other than snuggling side by side sitting together at dinner, hugs, kisses....all of which he initiated.

H has been quiet, (we both have) since the last time we saw each other two days ago, and when the talk got weird about his apartment, etc.....then there was the weird text at church when he assumed I was with a guy....

Then today, I receive this:

H: How is your day?

M: Good. Yours?

H: Good. Cleaning day.... I can't believe how much dog hair comes up in just the master bedroom
Sent u a couple emails

M: Ok.

H: Sorry I got quiet. I realized our time together felt very good and liked it and I wanted more.... But we have so much unresolved. I am afraid and caught myself pulling back. This is my fault and not yours. We agreed we would enjoy just spending friendly time together. I took it farther. It's hard to explain I guess.

^^^^i don't even know what he believes he took farther because I saw nothing ^^^^

I don't know how to respond. So I didn't. I want to validate, DB, etc. but that's all I have been doing and he wants more distance.... I think. ?

Help?

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Ok, I *think* maybe the "took it farther" part was the kissing and snuggling he initiated? I LOVE that he initiated an explanation, too. That's awesome! Stating he's scared is HUGE, too! You both know there's unresolved stuff so acknowledge that. Maybe open the door to talk about it when he's ready but also affirm his unspoken desire for space. Post your draft here and get feedback if you want.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Thank you, SS, typically I would have taken the comment about taking it farther to mean physical ... But he made zero moves that way, and he's not subtle when he does, lol....

Based on the situation, I was taking it to mean emotion. That is what would most likely cause him to freak and run.

I want to just respond with something short for now, because if he opens himself like this, I don't want to reinforce it negatively and ignore....I want to encourage him to be safe with me when he has feelings.

How about, "I appreciate you being so open and honest with me. Tell me what you need from me, please."

Maybe?

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Things he hasn't said like this before:

Sorry he got quiet (openly acknowledging, rather than "none of your business what I do")
Afraid
My fault not yours (owning something....anything!)
Hard to explain

Just processing it all.... Ok, yeah, overthinking. But I'm tuned in.

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