Dealing with WAW part 5

[pilot]

Time for a new thread. Old one locked.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2480512&page=1

Check out my last posting on the previous thread. Ugg...

[LisaB]

Hey pilot,
Just read your post about the phone call with the friend of WAW. Here are my thoughts:

1. Who is this "friend" and why is she getting involved? It seems strange to me that she would be the confidante of your W and then tell you what she said? Maybe I missed the part about that. Do you think she could have ulterior motives? I don't get why this friend would want to gossip about all this with you.

2. The reason your W supposedly gave for delaying the D could be true. On the other hand it could be an excuse on her part. She is not ready to do it, and that is the reason she is saying. That doesn't mean that is the real reason. And above all, her feelings could change. Whatever the reason, she isn't doing it.

3. All the other stuff I would mostly ignore as you said it is old news. Very old news. Who cares.

4. Interesting that she said she was thinking about being with you until you threw cold water on the whole thing. So yeah, I think you know what is happening.

You have a handle on the situation. None of this sounds like news to me. It probably just hurts a lot hearing it again and from someone else. But if you can, let it go. I think the only news you heard was that she wanted to go ahead with the D but was delaying to spare your feelings. That sounds like BS. If she was interested in sparing your feelings none of this would be happening, would it?

Chin up pilot! You are doing great. Let this slide off your back.
Hugs, LisaB

[pilot]

Hey Lisa, Thanks for the post. The friend involved used to be my Ws best friend when we lived here (prior to our 2 year move in another state). She was a bridesmaid at our wedding. She has remained friends with my W. I ran into her while grocery shopping the other day. I do not recall how our conversation got started, but basically she had tons of unanswered questions. My W really did not go into any detail about herself with this friend, or any motives, and I guess that is why my Ws friend was so curious. Our phone conversation lasted a little over 2 hours...from 1:30 in the morning till 3:30ish. Most of these revelations came out towards the end, as she had clearly been holding them back and was begging me to never ever tell my W that she told me these things. I ultimately had told this friend of my W about the A and this friend said omg it all makes sense now. She said she and her H could see red flags all over the place when talking with her but never pushed the issue.

I honestly have no handle on my situation. I feel I am losing control of it more and more every day. I do not know why. I do not know if it is something internal, maybe the deadline of the D petition looming, her moving into her own place and getting herself established... I really do not know. I had such good detachment but something about last night just really got to my gut. I know the proper thing to do is to let it slide off my back as you say. And I know I should not have spent 2 hours talking R talk with one of her close friends. I guess it just felt good to actually talk about it...with anyone. I have not done so in a long time, and maybe it was just bottling up and needed to be released.

I am hoping this will pass soon as today I have really been in a funk...

[raliced]

Hi Pilot- I'm new to commenting on your thread but I just Wanted to say I wouldn't give too much credence to what your wife told her friend. She's not being honest with herself, and is probably spinning story to her friend as well. After all the friend wouldn't have had so many questions if your wife had been completely honest and forthcoming with her. But I'm sure it's still a little disorienting to hear. Sorry for the short reply, I hate typing on the phone.

[BigMac]

Pilot,
Remember that the emotions of a WAW are entirely crazy. The "logic" they go through is absolutely crazy. Eventually they come through it, maybe years down the line.

At that point, forgiveness is the act of accepting someone for who they are today. Hopefully she'll get to that point where she is acting sane enough today to be accepted.

[LisaB]

Pilot my friend, don't forget the rollercoaster! You are on one of those scary loop parts at the moment, but it will change. Let out a good scream and hang on for the ride!

[pilot]

raliced, yea, you are right. I know my W did not give the full story to this friend. It just really blew my mind at the reasoning. Thanks for posting and please chime in with advice at any time!

BigMac,

yea, I know their emotions are all over the place. and like I said I do not know why i am in a funk right now because really nothing new happened. Everything I was told was old news, even if some of it was new to me. nothing was a deal breaker out there. who knows when she comes out of the fog... just a frustrating, in a funk kinda day. thanks again for your support!

[pilot]

You are right Lisa. I just do not know what to do with this deadline looming...do I do nothing, or do I answer the petition and get things rolling? I know the answer, but I dont know the answer...

[Lifes Twists]

What happens if you don't answer the petition? Does it go to the judge who grants your wife everything she wants? Make sure you really know what happens or I would answer it. You don't know how the court reacts to being ignored.

[pilot]

Lifes...

There are three possible outcomes at this point. She does nothing, I do nothing. 120 days after she filed, it disappears. Option 2, she serves me. I have 30 days I think to respond. Option 3, she does nothing, but I reply on my own. Sets the wheels in motion for a D.

I will be speaking with a *old state* attorney by phone this coming week, and meeting a *new state* attorney in person as well. I am going to weigh my options to see which gives me the best legal advantage, and add what I learn into my consideration on what to do.