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Joined: Jul 2014
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Hi just catching up on your sitch. Stay strong. I am not veteran, but I strongly agree that you should not move out. Bad move legally, and DB-wise.


Me:42 W:41
M:12 T:3
D7, D7, S5
Sep#1 Winter 2012 for 4 months
W divorce bomb 6/9/14
Started "in-house separation" 7/2014
W files for D 8/28/14
I move out 9/27/14
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And,

Many WAS get into a negative state of mind as a way to justify the reasons for leaving the M. They have a looong scorecard of your 'wrongs' and holding on to it tightly.

Just continue doing the activities you enjoy regardless of how W responds. Stay in the marital home and if W brings up you moving out, put a hand up and say "If this is a problem for you, you should be moving out. I am staying here as this is my home."

You can move in another bedroom.

If her criticisms of you being negative are valid, then work on those issues and work on being more patient when interacting with your kids, wife, friends and family.

Joined: Jan 2014
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Exactly gread advice from Wonka, remember wanted a D its a choice. The fact that she wants a D doesnt made you a criminal, and the fact that she doesnt like things doesnt made those things real, try to find out what its real and what you can change, and if something smells bad dont believe it just because she says that.
I took all the issues in my relationship as my fault, and agreed I should be treated bad because... And nothing more far away from reality.

Take decissions based on your well being, balancing those decissions to not harm others, and dont let others take decissions for their well being that will hurt you, you have the same right to not be harm as she does.


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
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Oh and thats pretty atractive for others as well, when you take care of yourself wink


When the student its ready, the teacher will appear...
Even after all this time the sun never says to the Earth, "You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that,It lights the whole sky.
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 36
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And0324 Offline OP
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You are right. She keeps telling me I controlled her by always being 15-30 minutes late for things. I was being selfish and inconsiderate, but not controlling. She says I am in denial and I will never have a good relationship because I do not look deeply at myself. She is wrong on those points. Her filters and perceptions see more than is/was there at that time. She keeps saying I am a know-it-all when I talk about subjects. I was just trying to talk to her about something I learned today. She replied that I should just say what I did and asked her if she wanted to be informed about it.

She also has been talking about my family still being in denial about everything.

What is bad is that even the counsellors both said her expectations may be unreasonable for a relationship.

I am really having trouble here. She is wearing me down and my resolve is weakening. Not sure how long I can last. The support I had is dwindling and more people believe I should end the marriage. They all think she needs a cold dose of reality.

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She wants me to admit that I controlled her by finishing up workouts or getting home 15-30 minutes late. I admit I was selfish and inconsiderate about the workouts, but is this controlling behaviour??? She is aggravating me and attacking my character.

I also found out she went away 2 weeks ago with the OM. I have not confronted her about this. not sure what to do. She left her phone out and unlocked and I read a text message from her to one of her female friends. She also has talked to him more and sent other text messages to him. She also has sent him pictures.

Her only regret is she was unable to reach me and when I was down. I still find it somewhat arrogant on her part. Both counsellors have said we needed some professional help at that time.

I am really at the last resort point. She is getting a lawyer and is planning to set up mediation. I now have to decide on one myself.

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I am beginning to follow your posts and see some similarities. I hate seeing that you are going through something so similar, but I'll offer as much support/encouragement as I can.


Me-37
Wife-30
D-8
S-6
Separated since 4.19.2014
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