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Quote:
* 1981 (13 years old)
"Bob" gets orders for Germany again. This time, I was not invited. Bob, my mom and younger brother went. My older brother and I were left with my grandmother. Although that was fine, I was hurt by this because mom and I were getting close and she would be gone for three years.


Wow. Tad, doesn't it sorta make sense that your pet rats would be more worthy of your trust in this child's eyes? It makes a lot sense, to me, that you would have a hard time trusting people...you've had a lot of reasons to turn inward.

I feel so badly for that 13-year-old boy. He must have felt so rejected and abandoned.

What are you going to do this week to help yourself?

Have you purchased the Abandonment Book yet? Any other books on helping you to continue your rise from the ashes?? Looked into any other counselors...maybe look for a counselor that specializes in grief???

What's the plan?

So...maybe your truth dart could be...I'm Tad, I've been hurt by a lot of people. I have a lot of sadness and unfinished grief. I've suffered from depression because of all the loss in my life. I'm going to ________________________________ to deal with all this grief/loss/rejection in my life. I will get help from _________________________________________.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Wow. So....my previous post on this thread has vanished. Maybe during the purge?

Anyways, I continue to see my brother on the street. I emailed his daughter, the email was read but....she didn't even respond. Who knows maybe she has been turned against me too or she just doesn't care about her dad.

I made an appointment for a counselor. I go Tuesday.

I actually bought a new car this week. Not brand new but a 2013. I really needed it because I travel 50 miles one way for my job and the thing I was driving just wasn't going to last much longer. I was suprised that I actually got it with my credit the way it is. I have a high interest rate, but hopefully this will help build some credit.

I actually did something else this week that I was never "allowed" to do. I joined a fantasy football league with S28. I've always wanted to try it, so this should be fun.

Take care.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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"Anyways, I continue to see my brother on the street."

Have you talked to him?

"I emailed his daughter, the email was read but....she didn't even respond. Who knows maybe she has been turned against me too or she just doesn't care about her dad."

See, this type of attitude needs to change. Have you ever even kept in contact with her? If not, then she might find it weird that you're doing it now. If you care for her then you keep the contact going. The situation with your W has made you an extreme pessimist.


M-43 W-40
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Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Tad,
I don't think your brother's child has turned against you. She might need to think about the situation w/her father for a while. Who knows, but she may have written him off a long time ago, but don't take it personally because she's not responded. You've done all you can do and it's up to him to seek help.

I'm glad to see that you've made an appointment w/a counselor. I think you need to speak to someone who can help guide you and give you some feedback.

You'll enjoy the fantasy football, especially w/your son being involved in it too. It's good that you are stating to open up to the world around you.

I'm glad to see you got another car. You needed one and this will help to rebuild your credit once again. It's one step at a time, one day at a time. You know what? You've been taking some big steps lately and I like to see the positives that you've been posting. Keep taking those steps!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks Job and MrBond.

Quote:
Have you talked to him?


I have not, but may the next time I see him.

Quote:
Have you ever even kept in contact with her? If not, then she might find it weird that you're doing it now. If you care for her then you keep the contact going. The situation with your W has made you an extreme pessimist.


I have talked to her from time to time. Talked to her a lot when my mom was dying. She actually lived with XW and me for 3 years while her parents were strung out on drugs and going through their divorce. The reason I say that XW maybe turned her against me is because XW still contacts her. No telling the lies she has been told.

Quote:
It's good that you are starting to open up to the world around you.


They are baby steps, but I'm doing them. I went out (by myself) for a few hours the other night. Just checked out a local sports bar. Wish I would have had somebody to go with, but it was still nice just to get out.

Quote:
You know what? You've been taking some big steps lately and I like to see the positives that you've been posting. Keep taking those steps!


I'm trying Job, but some days it is just so hard...

S28 told me today that XW is getting a Koi pond put in. I chuckled. Her best friend has one so.....well let's just say that I think MLC is also a frickin identity crisis as well. Everything she has done/purchased is modeled after somebody else. It's almost a competition I think.

Back to work tonight. Get to drive the new car on the freeway for the first time.

smile

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
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Today would have been my 29th wedding anniversary.

August 30th still has meaning for me. Maybe someday it won't and just become any other day.....someday.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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Quote:
It's good that you are stating to open up to the world around you
Agreed. Very good.
Quote:
I went out (by myself) for a few hours
Also very nice to hear. Seems you are reintegrating a bit and exploring. Never stop exploring, Tad. You'll like most of what you find, but you won't find it if you only stay in a box smile

The IC is a great step as well. Very happy to hear that.

I know you are still paying too much attention to ex. I also know you're still trying to make sense of things that may not make sense. Still, you'll keep doing it until you can make peace with it.

Your observation is fairly spot on, Tad. Competition or consumerization or whatever you want to call it. But yes, trying to find the identity is a large part of MLC. From what I've seen it is about somebody who has been disconnected from their identity and is trying to figure that out. Must be tough, right?

As for your brother and his daughter. I agree with Mr B - if you want to talk, keep trying to keep in touch. Don't read into it - she may not be ready to deal with it. I'm sure that was a painful time in her life and I doubt it is easy to deal with. If you ex was trying to turn her against you...well, that's just sick but it's not the girl's doing. While she makes her own decisions, that kind of pressure would be difficult to cope with. More likely it is not easy to deal with her father and the junk that goes with it. She needs a family member to reach out to her - keep trying without expectation. You may be surprised at some point how helpful that can be for her.

For now? Focus on you and the IC. Find a good one, but don't be surprised at ups and downs. There's a lot to deal with and it'll be difficult at times. That's just pain leaving the body, Tad wink

Glad to hear about the fantasy football. It can be a lot of fun and a great way to hang with the kids. And glad to hear about the job and the car! You have a lot of positive momentum building and a lot of runway left... smile


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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"The reason I say that XW maybe turned her against me is because XW still contacts her. No telling the lies she has been told."

It's not your XW's fault and it's not your niece's fault. It's your fault for not staying in contact. You're still blameshifting big time.

Rather than playing the victim, how about making a positive change and reaching out to her a little more rather than treating her like an enemy ally.

"Today would have been my 29th wedding anniversary."

LET...IT...GO


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Thanks Mrbond and AJ.

I have finally spoken to my niece about my brother. From the sounds of it, she had no idea what was going on with him and is pretty disgusted by him. She told me that she wants nothing to do with him. I see him occassionally on the way to and from work. I may decide to change my route just because it breaks my heart to see him on the street and there is nothing I can really do for him. He has now really lost everything TWICE thanks to gambling and drugs.

I saw a counselor yesterday. I basically spent the time telling her everything that I have posted here. (Edited of course) She seems to think that I have some resentment and abandonment issues. I guess I really just feel used. Not sure if I like the whole counselor thing but we'll see how it goes.

Quote:
It's not your XW's fault and it's not your niece's fault. It's your fault for not staying in contact. You're still blameshifting big time.


I'm not blaming anyone.

Quote:
Rather than playing the victim, how about making a positive change and reaching out to her a little more rather than treating her like an enemy ally.


I have. See first paragraph.

We are planning on getting together for a barbecue in the next few weeks. She really doesn't have anyone either except for her little kids. Both of her parents are on drugs and she is disconnected with her two brothers...(jail and drugs)

Quote:
You have a lot of positive momentum building and a lot of runway left...


Haha. Nicely put.

My S21 finally has a band put together again since the big MLC. They are actually starting to record some stuff. They asked me to help them with it since I'm an audio/video guy. We're probably going to start on it tomorrow.

Anyways, that's it for now.....just wanted to post a quick update.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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"She seems to think that I have some resentment and abandonment issues. I guess I really just feel used. Not sure if I like the whole counselor thing but we'll see how it goes."

I don't see how you didnt' get that we ALL said that you have resentment and abandonment issues. It's not that you feel used, you just think that life is filled with one disappointment after another.

Stick with the C. If she makes you feel uncomfortable, it's working.

"I'm not blaming anyone."

Yes you are. Right here... "The reason I say that XW maybe turned her against me is because XW still contacts her. No telling the lies she has been told."


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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