I know this forum makes her sound like a terrible person, but she really is not.
Getrite, you're defending someone who is dating and visiting a web site to meet other people all while still married to you. This is not the W you married. Trust me, I'm not the first person on here who claimed 'You don't know my W. She would not do X.' Well guess what, she did X, Y and Z....
I'm not missing your point, I hear it loud and clear. I thank you and I really do appreciate everything. It's been a rough 2 days. Between the emotional night with her on Wednesday and just talking last night. I feel better when I have no contact with her. We have to go to Ocean City to pick up our daughters. She wants me to go, because the girls are with my family. I told her that I have to work all weekend and more than likely will not be able to go. I don't want to go even though she really does want me to.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I know, I guess what I am saying, outside of what we are going through right now, she is a good woman. I am not condoning anything she is doing right now.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
You sounded a bit Mickey-mouse, to me, about her contacting/dating other men. I know you can't demand what she does or doesn't do (and being separated, is the same as being single to some people), but don't gift wrap a hall pass in this marriage. Don't appear desperate or like you are scared of her and face it head on. It sounded as if you were giving her a license to fornicate, while assuring her that she will continue to have a faithful husband waiting patiently. That's every WAW's dream! So, she'll go happily along her way playing around.....and never be concerned that you may meet another girl to replace her.
Don't misunderstand me. I am not telling you to date and play around. I am saying not to tell her what you do or don't do. Let me tell you something about women. Even when they don't want to stay with the husband, they do not want another woman to take their place. So she should be concerned if you are foot loose and fancy free.
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I let the subject of dating be brought up. I told her that since we are on the road to self improvement that seeing other people would only complicate things. I asked her if she would break contact with other men. She said no.
From now on, when talking to her on this subject, don't point out to her that you are on a road to self improvements. It sounds too much like you are putting in a bid to win her back.
She isn't serious about reconciling b/c she knows she is going to continue meeting other guys. She enjoys it too much!
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She said that her IC said that what she is doing is perfectly normal to do what she is doing and also recommended another website to meet people.
Mine told me it was normal for me to have sexual behavior by way of the Internet with an entire list of other men!! I was in an unhappy M, so I needed to do whatever made me feel good. Right? Wrong! Even with me being in the messed up shape I was in at that time, I knew right from wrong.....and what I was doing was very wrong.
There are counselors out there who will tell the clients to do whatever makes them happy. She is not seeing an IC who is going to give her solution based therapy that will save the M. But you do not have to believe the sorry advice she's getting. It is not hopeless. This M can be saved! You just can't give up b/c of what she says or even what she's doing right now.
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Not a dating site, but one where you can meet with people that have similar interests in a group setting. She says she is not looking for. Relationship and she does not want one.
BS!
Have far have you read into Divorce Remedy?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Bad night. My daughter asked to take her to get ice cream. When I got to the house to pick her up, my wife was gone with her new friend. I immediately texted her my displeasure. Well, after ice cream, I dropped my daughter back off. I didn't text W again until I was going to bed, and I had a complete meltdown. I'm such a baby. She ended up asking me to come over to sleep. I did. I wish I didn't. She wanted me there because I was having a rough night and she also wanted me to hold her. I really wish I did not go. I did not really sleep at all.
I have been doing good at keeping my emotions to myself, but last night was a complete melt down and I am sure it's because I knew she was out with someone.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
This "friend." Was this the "group setting"/MeetUp thing she talked about, or a date with another man?
Look, I GET IT. It HURTS. There were plenty of nights I locked myself in the bathroom at 2am, turned the exhaust fan on, buried my face in a towel and SOBBED. But you CANNOT turn to your wife to comfort you at this stage. It is REPULSIVE to her. I'm sorry to use such strong words, but I'm trying to help you, and I can assure you that she found the whole episode NEEDY and UNATTRACTIVE.
You have GOT to find a way to get your mojo, getrite. I would recommend two books for you, after you've read DB or DR. They are "Co-Dependent No More" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy."
So, she convinced me to go to Ocean City with her yesterday. Basically, she said she wanted us to get away from all of the craziness that is going on here and also for us to go get our daughters together to do a family thing. I agreed, under one condition. I told her that there will be no texting OM for her and I will also not text any OW. She agreed.
We were not there for more than a few hours and she was sitting on the balcony. We were staying at the condo my dad rented. I walked out and I saw she was texting someone, and the smile and look on her face told me who it was. I asked her to not do it in front of me. She said she was not texting OM. I knew different, so I texted her that I am not stupid, and to at least show enough respect for me to not do it. Well, a few minutes later, she told me I was right and she was texting him. She said she was sorry, that she made a mistake. Well, I am a little upset at this point, not that she was texting him, but that she wanted to go and get away from that stuff as a family, but she was sitting there doing it. She was very apologetic, but the apology did not mean anything to me. We took the kids to dinner. I was to upset to eat, so I did not.
Later that night she wanted to go get dinner and drinks, so we did. We talked, she said some hurtful things. I took off my wedding ring, I have been wearing it up until this point, I gave it to her and told her, if she ever wanted to do this again, she can put it back on my finger. I paid the tab and we left.
There was no way around sharing a bed with her. We were laying there and she says that she loves me and she just needs time to figure it out. Today, nothing but loving remarks, she loves me and all that stuff. She even kissed me last night and today, I did not initiate.
I feel better, giving her my ring felt good. I do not know why, but I just feel better right now.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
