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I know she is still torn between me and OM. Just because she told me that doesn't mean she didn't tell him that too.

But I guess it doesn't matter if I believe her or not and I cannot say what her feelings are. She has said before that she never believed that she could be in love with two people.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 924
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Went out to dinner with S16 tonight and had a good talk about some things that are going on at home. He is aware of much more than I thought. I don't think the A, but he knows that his mom is not being herself anymore (very angry, not around much, distracted when she is home). He is mad that the kids and I am being blamed for this by her and knows that it is not any of our fault (he actually told me that he thinks that she is just using it as an easy excuse to cover for her behavior).

He has a great attitude about it and likes the good days and lets the bad days "roll off of him" as he put it. He does get angry about it sometimes though. I should learn from him. I made sure he knew that he can always come to me for anything. But I also let him know that he shouldn't pick sides either. I let him know that I was doing better that when I was wrecked - and he knew this too.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jul 2014
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I LOVE that you two had this talk. What a great bond you two have!


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Just read through this thread for the first time. u-turn, you need a new thread title. You are not "barely holding on" You grow in strength and fortitude daily.

Good luck.


Me: 43 XW: 43
T15 M14
D21, SS15, S11, D8
BD: 8/6
EA / possible PA discovered 9/29
D final 10/20
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Thanks ss:
I feel that I have a great bond with my kids - I wish things were better for them. They have always taught me as much as I have taught them.

I haven't approached the subject too much w/ D14 she doesn't want to talk about it and W takes her shopping so "all is good". D14 just thinks I beat myself up too much. If the kids knew what was actually going on, they would be devastated - they too thought we had a "perfect" family compared to many of their friends. So with my new found PMA I hope to help the kids get through this more.

Thanks Shakspr:
I feel much better and think I am doing better than when I started here - I probably shouldn't sound so hopeless - I do have hope. (trying to be the lighthouse).

I really appreciate your kind words.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 309
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Hey Turn I totally get the part that if the kids knew they would be devastated . Ive kept it together primarily for them . I dont want them to know what their mother is doing . Not in the least , but they will find out eventually if she doesnt smarten up . They are not stupid , they sense tension and just think mim and dad work too much and its just a phase . Thats one of the things that upset me soooo much is her disregard for her childrens well being . If the kids wernt in the picture , I would have told her to pack up months ago . But I cant bear the thought of hurting them . I would let her abuse me indefintely just to protect them from the shame and misery . At least till they are 18 or 19


Me 45 W 45
Son 16 Son 14
Married 23 together 27
W threatened sep several times
W still at home
A discovered Mar 17 2014
A ended DEC 2 ( skeptical )
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Uturn -

I agree with Shakespr...You sound great. I'm glad you're being such a super stanchion for your kids.

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Thanks all
I may be doing alright with the kids. With W is another story.

We may have hit another obstacle this morning and some backsliding.

We had a conversation this morning: more like I talked she listened then she talked and I listened (not really responding to each other though).

Short synopsis:
I said:
-I apologize for my part in our "falling apart"
-I know that I cannot control you or tell you what to do, but I do not know how I am going to be able to heal while you work there with OM.
-you have your choices to make, but so do I and I do have boundaries.

She said:
-she has to figure out what it is going to take for her to be a better mother again
-she knows that she "ruined our marriage, ruined our family, and ruined my self esteem"
-she has a choice to make work or family - she cannot have both because of OM. but she cannot quit her job and jeopardize her future and that she will always work with OM in that case. She needs to keep the job to take care of the kids.
-that I am the "kindest and most patient man she has ever known"

Well in unison - I said - “then what do you want from me?”
and she said “so why can’t I choose you?”
That probably was not productive…

D14 walked in and conversation was over.

I really don’t know where where we can go from here right now.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 334
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U-turn

Have had almost exact same conversation with my H.

Stop having R talks.

Detach.

It's all script.

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u-turn & dawgy. I hear you re: the kids.

They really help me keep a PMA. I will be equally devasted when they find out.

I'm just wondering what to tell them. WAW is surely going to try to dress it up as joint decision which I won't be happy with but I don't want to diss her to them either as she is a good mother ... mostly.


M: 57 / EW: 52
T: 21, M: 8
S: 18, S: 15
Bomb: 1 Jun 14
EA Aug 2014 I think
PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
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