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Newbe 3 yes it is an excellent book. it has a Christian spin on it . but a great book. I am in similar sitch.
igit


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

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Wife should be home from her business trip today. Feeling kind of down about seeing her. While she was gone it was kind of nice to miss her but now that she's back I know it's not going to be too long before I am on my own.
As I was reflecting today on everything that has happened since the start of this I see how far I have come although I didn't realize it until this past few weeks. Trying to step outside of my head and the situation. Trying to not focus too much on the future although I have lots to do.
I would really like some advice from the vets here on what I need to be doing now give me some focus please.


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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I told her tonight that I am off early tomorrow, so may stop in. Going to do some court paperwork. She mentions we have therapy next week and it is good we have gotten all the logistic stuff off the table. WTF? So I guess she will be all about therapy now? I then mentioned after I am going with realtor ( good looking female) to look at 5 more homes. WAW then asks if any are a second look visit. I blew that off and gave no answer.

Truth is, I am still enamored by WAW. She is kind, thoughtful, and sweet. Beautiful to me. And I cannot tell her. Our relationship is getting back to chatty and friendly. I am confused, sad, and hopeful, all at the same time. I feel like I am going nuts.
I need some meds.....jeez
I was VERY quiet tonight. I cooked dinner and she talked a lot. I listened. At first she would talk and not look at me. I finally stopped and gave her full eye contact and she then returned it. I see a lot of different actions lately that have us in close physical proximity. Could this be a reaction to my lack of pursuit over the past 4 months?
After dinner, I quietly started cleaning up. She stopped me and said she would take care of it. She also took car of S3.5 the rest of tonight. I am GAL at the moment, since they go to bed early. Off for me time.


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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NewB3 - I'm not a vet, can only offer my support for your situation. The WAW is getting the house and you are getting out. Yet she wants to parade around semi-dressed? That's not cool. My spouse and I have had one intimate night since she dropped the bomb and I honestly believe that she was either saying goodbye or maybe "later." It certainly didn't lead to reconciliation.

From the outside looking in, it seems that her brain has temporarily become a "bag full of cats" to quote Bruce Banner's estimation of Loki. I know that my DR coach encourages me to welcome an emotional connection, as that has been cited as one of the reasons my W is leaving. But what your W is doing seems a tease.

Set some boundaries and keep GAL'g. Or ask her what her behaviors mean - experiment; what's the worst that can happen? She kicks you out anyway? She knows you still love her...but specifically reread how to DB/DR without becoming a doormat.

As to your question about handing her DR on the way out...I say, why not? You are leaving. If her recent responses to you are born of confusion and not manipulation, then the book couldn't hurt.


Me: 43 XW: 43
T15 M14
D21, SS15, S11, D8
BD: 8/6
EA / possible PA discovered 9/29
D final 10/20
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Thanks for your input on the book I think I should leave it for her also it might explain some of the emotions she's gone through.
As far as teasing me by walking around with no clothes on I'm not sure I think she's teasing me. As I've said in previous post some time she makes it a point several days in a road to walk in when I'm getting out of the shower to talk to me. I'm not an unattractive guy and I know she is attracted to me she always has been. But in this situation it's just confusing. I realize we live together but the past few months there has been nothing physical barely any touch yet in the past few weeks she's made it a point to touch me, Walk around naked, and walk in when she knows I'm naked. She has also started picking up S3 .5 to hand him to me. She does this when he's going to bed and I'm going to take him to his room the odd thing is there's no way I can get this wiggly little guy from her without rubbing up against her with my arm and my side as he struggles. So the question for the vets here is what could possibly be going on with her she's made it very clear to me that she's happy we've moved forward and feels that therapy will be better now.

I am so confused.


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 273
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So confused and when I got home she was interested in the house as I have looked at. It felt awkward and I told her that and she said I didn't have to talk to her about it.
I then felt bad for excluding her as I know she likes homes. So I showed her a few. It made me feel really strange and I told her that and she said I don't have to show her anything she sorry she doesn't need to stress me out I was literally sweating. I then asked her if she was interested in the house or actually cared where I was going to live. Looking back I know I was just trying to get some feeling out of her because there seems to be nine this feels like a business transaction and now that all the paperwork is done as I've said before the "logistics" we can get down to the therapy session and being friends. I then proceeded to have some sort of a panic attack and started noticing things and saying things about the house. I didn't call myself down and had to go back and apologize and explain that I was under a tremendous amount of stress and that I was physically sweating sitting there showing her houses. She then said I understand. Which again made me think of a therapist and not a wife were caring person and I got irritated. I took a deep breath and looked at her and said I just want you to know I still love you. This is just awkward and stressful for me with everything I've got to do. She said aww, thanks for saying that. I've been told her that that was pretty crummy thing for you to say, just so in personal. Then replied with well what did you expect me to say the same thing back to you and I told her now I don't expect that I'm sorry forgive me it's stress I didn't shut my mouth and left.
I'm having confusing feelings about houses and her wanting to be friends and want to look at these things and give me her opinion and all of that because I know she's really trying I know she feels guilty or at least that's what my therapist said she's feeling guilty. Guilt is the reason she is being very talkative she's trying to be a little touchy and possibly the nudity think could be because she feels guilty for pulling away from me.
I don't even know anymore I'm tired of this I just kind of want to give up and go get a motel room and live there. I feel like I backslid 1,000,000 miles today by telling her that. I've been consistent with my one 80s and not saying I love you since the beginning of June. I just feel like crap. I really want the vets to weigh in here and shake me up and give me some pointers and point me in a direction that I can go. I am lost I need a guide.

Last edited by NewB3; 08/29/14 09:44 PM.

Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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NewB3: I have little to offer except this: breathe. I feel your pain loud and clear through run-on sentences that are completely out of character with your previous writing. (That was supposed to be a little funny.) If you have a helpful confidant, now is the time to give him a call.

I also offer you this, it has helped Nitty and Hopetex (my sincerest apologies if this offends - it's all I got!)

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

And if that isn't enough, here are the verses that keep me sane these days: http://gaurang.org/pub/thought-conditioners-norman-vincent-peale.pdf


Me: 43 XW: 43
T15 M14
D21, SS15, S11, D8
BD: 8/6
EA / possible PA discovered 9/29
D final 10/20
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okay...okay.....over my thing yesterday. I am calm and in control again.
I feel good about things...anyway. Yesterday, I said some other things to her. She can want to look at my homes, but as I told her...I picked our home with her and LOVE it. I do not want to leave, but must . It just feels weird having her look at my home with me and give an opinion. It bothers my head on so many levels. She apologized. I walked up to her last night and put my arms around her. I told her about being beyond stressed out and get panicked. She actually hugged me back for once, like old times. I quickly moved on through the house.
Today was a family shopping thing. S3.5 did not want me to go and kept attaching to her. I asked her to stop the car and said I would stay home. she seemed quite shocked as I exited the car. I told her I did not want to go anymore.
When they returned she was chatty and sat down talking about all kinds of things. I quietly listened. She told me she wanted to go out shopping and asked if it was okay. I told her sure, I can watch s3.5. She left and i took care of him. HOWEVER, before she left....she came over to hug him while I was holding him.....leaned in my way and hugged us both....like she used to.
Is this guilt causing this?

she returned and bought a piece of art for the counter. she had to call me over to her and pointed to the bag. she presented it like I was supposedto be overjoyed that she is buying new stuff for what is now her home. I told her it was nice and moved on. Going to GAL.

PS wanted to thank starsky309 for bumping up some old posts today. HELPFUL stuff. I aappreciate everyone here. This place keeps me focused.

Last edited by NewB3; 08/30/14 04:43 PM.

Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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NewB3 - glad to hear that you are getting back on track. Someone here gave me a great link on detachment that you might want to check out. It'll give you a road map to help determine the difference between healthy and unhealthy interactions.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

No mindreading, my man. She simultaneously is showing off how she is going to make the home hers while seeking your approval. WAW madness. GAL, just like you said.

Or, you know, tell her you hate the art. ;-)


Me: 43 XW: 43
T15 M14
D21, SS15, S11, D8
BD: 8/6
EA / possible PA discovered 9/29
D final 10/20
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 273
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Great article on detaching. Thank you!


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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