Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
I think I'll say, "Why don't you tell me what's on your mind? I'm willing to listen..

Try this approach:

"It seems to me that you're probably stressed out lately...why don't you tell me what's on your mind?"

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
All he is saying are a bunch of WORDS.

Rule #1 - DETACH

Rule #2 - Believe none of what he SAYS! 1/2 of what he does.

Everything out of his mouth is garbage and lies.

Are you following these simple rules?

I also like Wonka's idea to listen.


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
GG,
MLCers like to talk babble speak. You have to really listen to what they are saying and sift through the garbage to get to the bottom of the babble. Body language will tell you more about what your h. Be patient, but listen and do not try to reason w/him. You can't reason w/someone who is emotional, as well as bouncing off the wall like a ping pong ball.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
G
GoatGal Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Grrrrrrrrrrr.. I wrote a nice long reply and lost it in the ozone. Again.

I am going to edit it in my head and post later...
----------------------------------------

Rest assured, Cadet and Job, if I have learned one lesson in DBing, it's:
"Don't believe anything they say, and only half of what you see."

GOT IT!


His communication is so bogged down with MLC gobblety-gook, it's incomprehensible anyway.

I am trying to comb through for some "kernels" that might be significant, or not.

However, I'm clear on the fact that this is just "blah-blah-blah" spewing weirdness from him.
Hot and cold as it's been lately.
---------------------------

All I *think* I *know* is that he wants *something* and apparently isn't willing to ask for it.

There *seems* to be an element of pressure involved, maybe a timeline?

If he didn't want/need something, believe me, he would NOT be asking to "talk" about anything!
This is the Master of Avoidance, remember?

But he did say "We have time" which implies there *might* be some sense of urgency there.

Maybe someone (therapist, friend he's freeloading with), is giving him pressure to get an idea of where he stands?

Because he sure doesn't seem to be willing to set the stage for a real conversation, by way of being kind and willing to understand how I might feel, as evidenced by the texting nastiness.

(Yes--- I know he's incapable of doing this ^^^, which is why his wanting to "talk" is weird!)

In any case, for whatever reason or agenda, he *seems* to want ME to do all the heavy emotional lifting, without sticking his own neck out.

I understand that I will likely have to be the strong one and extend myself first/more than he will be able to.
But on the other hand, am supposed to put my head willingly on the emotional chopping block? I think not!
----------------------------------------

Not trying to mind-read here ^^^, just doing as suggested:

Sifting through the mud for something useful for my "talk" preparation.

A discussion of some sort seems inevitable, so I want to be as prepared as possible, while having NO EXPECTATIONS, positive or negative.
Just keep everything very open--validate, listen, get his POV... and beat it out of there if he starts pushing.

I will prepare for the likelihood that he will want to talk about what's important to HIM, what HE wants, etc.
So far that's been pretty much the case.
No reason to believe that will change.

I must be prepared for him pushing an agenda, because I have a strong sense that's what's driving this.

Any desire to reconcile, come home, or get closer to me isn't supported by his recent actions whatsoever.
Anyway, based on recent history, it would be a huge shock.

But "no expectations"... so we will wait and see.
Just trying to get all my ducks in a row.

Remember the Asperger's.. I'm not so good on the fly with things like this.
It's out of my realm of practice and experience, and he is a very good manipulator.

----------------------------------

And, my dear Cadet, you'll be happy to know that I am feeling more detached at the moment, and this latest bout of weirdness has had me chuckling more than anything else.

I am not feeling upset, angry, or anything else, other than amused. Really!
It's easier to detach when I see him acting like such a whack-o!
It's harder when he's being nice and allowing in that little sliver of hope.

Not being around him makes it SO much better, but I don't think it's helping our R. On the other hand, maybe it is.

Hard to know anything, really.

Thanks guys/gals!
More to come...

---GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 910
Quote:
It's easier to detach when I see him acting like such a whack-o!
It's harder when he's being nice and allowing in that little sliver of hope.


^^^^^^ ain't THAT the truth!!!!!^^^^^^

Glad to see ya back, GGG!!!

Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
G
GoatGal Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Remind me, my next thread will be entitled:
"GUBU and GoatGal on the Triple G Ranch"

And yes, Wonka, if the offer still stands to post my previous threads, I'd appreciate it.

I know it's "supposed to be" easy, but it's not. For me, anyway.

---GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
G
GoatGal Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Missed you, Shining!

I was catching up on your roller coaster ride last night.

At least it's not boring, right?

smile


---GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,103
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,103
Hi GGG,
You know what stinks the most about not just your, but all of our sitchs? It's the fact that the a$$hat MLC gets to drop the few lines about wanting to talk "about the future", or "Stop playing the victim", then says that talk will happen 3 days from now (why the heck even say anything if he wants to wait 3 days AND won't tell you what it is he wants to talk about? A$$HAT!) and then we LBS's have to wonder and worry about what the heck is up! Odds are he will forget all about "talking" by the time Monday comes around since MLCers can't seem to keep a coherent thought for more than an hour or so. I swear it's a control thing that many of them use.

By the way, did GUBU know where you went off to while you were gone? Could he be wondering where and with whom you were when you went on your lake trip? Not sure just a thought.

Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
G
GoatGal Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Hey Matt,


Yes, it's the PITS!

You're right.
They muddy the water, drop in a lure...and we wonder...do we risk a bite?

We can't always avoid R discussions, but it's hard to know if they'll be productive or destructive. It probably depends on the lunar phase and how much tin foil they have for their hats...

It can make you crazy right along with them.

This is a significant change in GUBU's behavior, but I suspect he is not the one initiating it.
I can say he's been more wacky, more nasty, keeps updating his dating profile, (less lies, hmmmm) has been feeling me out on little things, but then when I keep acting as though I am moving on, he gives ME the "Well, I won't miss you, how soon are you leaving? I can't wait!" treatment.

*sigh*

As for the boat trip, it was with two girlfriends he knows.
Although there was talk of male strippers dressed like firefighters (lake unit), mounds of cocaine, and a floating casino... smile

Thanks for popping by!


-----------GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319

Page 3 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard