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watto14 Offline OP
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Oh gg, Yay for the make up arriving soon, I just signed up for bella beauty box, every month you get new beauty products delivered in a pretty box, I'm all for new girly stuff!
how ddid you freak a guy out? And mediation does not sound fun at all, does everyone who has property or children have to go through mediation when getting d? should I be planning for that?
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who stores extra antibiotics just in case, what a poo that your got used by someone else frown

I just had a lovely dinner with my s7, pretty spunky if I do say so myself, also know that he loves me no matter what smile

i have a friend coming over tonight to catch up as it's her birthday this weekend so we're going out tomorrow night, looking forward to it.

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My thread explains it has a makeup title.

It's a bit confused as I was trying to put a logical explanation to a very twisted and sordid sitch.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 232
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watto14 Offline OP
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Very strange night last night, went out for a friend's birthday, to which h was invited, it was at one of the local clubs.
I had spoken to h earlier when boys were saying goodnight, asked if he was going, he was non committal, I asked if he would be around for an hour while I waited for my other friends to get y here, he sounded hesitant, so I say no stress, I'll be ok, then he got frustrated and basically shouted call me!
so in then end I met h and another friend of ours at a pub, had a drink and headed over to the club.
The night itself was generally good, H was trying to be friendly and light, but I had trouble trying to read whether he was being a smart ar*e or just funny so at times I got snaky, and bit at him.
Our mutual friend kept on making references to ow, and that upset a bit, and then he made some comment about h and I getting d, and got really defensive, and sarcastic, I could see that h didn't like the comment either, he really seems to be in denial about any kind of d talk.

towards the end of the night, and h had many drinks under his belt, he said I really do love you, I didn't know what to say, so I don't think I said anything.

We got a taxi with two other guys to go home, H was first to get out, one of the other guys asked I was, and h said that's my wife, first time I've heard him say that in a long time, H asked if I wanted to get out at his place to gave something to eat, I said I had to get home so the babysitter could go. It killed me because all I wanted to do was get out at his place.
anyway I got home with our other friend who stayed for food and a drink, I texted h and said he should come over and bring more food, thinking there would be no way he'd turn up, he texted back saying give him half an hour, and he actually turned up, so long story not so short, the three of us had food another drink, friend went home, twins woke up, H and II got them back to bed, H said he was too tired and too drunk to go home, could he stay, I said of course, we went to bed, a little bit of hand holding, and both of us saging sorry for silly behavior over the night, some spooning, no overt s behavior, and we slept (except having g to get up to the boys every hour who decided it was play time!)

sooo, not quite sure where I'm at now, H is going to a ladies night with ow tonight, not quite sure why she wants him at a ladies night, but she asked to go with her (I'm thinking trophy boy?!)

not sure what I should do now in regards to contact or behavior, any thoughts out there?

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watto14 Offline OP
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I've spent a bit of time over the past few days reading people threads ,the advice given and how to apply to my own sitch, I have reared the advice given to me on my own threads, and it all has been amazing.
it's true, this is definitely a roller coaster ride, one minute I think I can do this, I can survive it all, h and I will come through this better than we ever were, and then the next I think this is hopeless, h is seeing someone else, he has chosen someone other than me to be with, why am I fighting?

so there is the million dollar question, why am I fighting this?
I am fighting for my family, I am fighting for our boys, so they have two parents in one home that love them and each other.
I am doing this because, when stripped back, I have love for my h and each day I choose to love him, some days its near on impossible, but I make that choice.
I am doing this because for the first time in my life, I don't want to give up when it gets too hard, and run away, because to me this, us, our family is worth it.

so that's the first part of my ramble, second part is noticing what works, I've noticed on a few threads, the theme is noticing what works, I think I have been so busy trying to do all the techniques listed in the books, that I haven't really focused on anything in particular.

so I sat down with pen and paper and had a look at what works and what doesn't.
vulnerability seems to be a trigger for h, not neediness, or clinginess(did that, major part I believe in why we got to this point in the first place)
I feel h needs to be needed, the proverbial knight in shining armour.
eg: last night at certain point I would be quiet, nothing wrong, just taking it all in, subdued, h would include me more in what was going on, rubs on the back, ask if I was ok, leg touches etc.
another eg: h has said this week that I can call him day or night if I ever need him or to help me, he'll do whatever he can to be there( of course me being me had to respond with "i'm sure ow will love me ringing at 11 at night asking for you to come and get me from somewhere")

so that leads into my next observation, h really doesn't 'get' my sense of humour sometimes, I can be dry to the point of sarcasm, and half the time lately he has been looking at me like I've physically wounded him, part of this joky/sarcastic attitude is inherited from my mother, partly as a major protection mechanism on my behalf, If I can get the dig in or the jibe before anyone else, then I win, I don't hurt as much anymore.
but h doesn't like it, I think he thinks it makes me look hard, and he knows that im essentially heart on my sleeve girl.

anger/mood swings/frustration do h's head in, and makes him react in kind(duh!) when I start up, he starts to try an explain, then my sarcastic anger kicks in and retreats, stops talking and distances himself(again duh-who wouldn't)

light/breezy is almost neutral with h, I think he thinks 'ok alls good right now, I can do what I like, and distance myself, spend time with the ow. however, to be honest, consistent light and breezy has been hard for me to do for a while now, so maybe this is a great chance for a consistent 180 for me.

h has almost started to fish for compliments from me, telling me he's lost weight, that he's tidied the house, organised whatever, wanting it seems positive reinforcement from me.

he seems to want to be friendly/more talkative, asking 'how are you'questions when I ring him for the boys to say goodnight, I was trying to db, and keep it as geared towards the boys as possible(and this is at the start of the call before he's spoken to the boys-we always have a brief chat at the end of the call)
but i'm beginning to feel rude because, even though i'm friendly enough, he sounds hurt that I hand the phone to the boys.

theres more i'm sure, but there the things that I think I need to now sit down and work through and come up with a concrete plan.
watch this space...

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watto14 Offline OP
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One of those days today, weather is Grey and so is my mood, I feel lost today, I just want my h at home and I don't know if that's ever going to happen.
It really is one step forward and twenty back, H and had great text interaction yesterday and he had to drop off something last night, and all was light and breezy, then today, I can feel the distance, it may be in my head, but it just feels really bloody hard sometimes.

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Maybe your trying to force it?

I updated my thread, mediation tomorrow! Sigh.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 232
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watto14 Offline OP
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Have had a couple of rough days, fatigue is kicking in.
The twins broke the lock on the cleaning products cupboard last night and decided to clean the toilet, one of the twins ended up with bleach burns on his bottom, after a cool bath and a phone call to the poisons hotline, I managed to get it under control.
H was coming to watch the boys while I went to the gym, and the twins were still awake and u left him to it while I pounded out my anger on some weights.
I got home, H left and I was left with a twin who just screamed in pain, I finally got him to sleep in my arms after about two hours.
H actually rang at that time to see how twin was doing and if I was ok, and if I needed anything, so I was honest and said I was exhausted and that I had needed him two hrs earlier, and yes I would like him to come over...surprisingly he did.
He came over, helped me put some more burn gel on twin while he slept and stayed and chatted for an a hour or so.
I've been busy with clients today, so was surprised when h rang this afternoon to see how I was doing, and if I wanted dinner with him and the boys tonight, I told him I have clients tonight but thank you for the offer.
He said he'd cook me dinner anyway and I can just pick it up when I'm finished working.
no expectations, but nice to see a small change smile

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Ouch bleach ain't fun!

Maybe he's easing his guilty feelings. Just watch his actions.
Nothing you hear right?


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 232
W
watto14 Offline OP
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No gg bleach is not fun at all! thankfully the blisters have come down today.
yes definitely watching actions, he seems to be making more of an effort, but just watching right now, and of ccourse he's still with the ow...

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Yeah, mine too I suspect. He most certainly did not say not true.

So mediation was a dead flop! No out come. More round and round. If you can work out my ramble on my thread.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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