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Joined: Jun 2014
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Casey from n.Dakota love s.dakOta go out every fall bird hunting with wifes brother. Crazy chaos kids. Wife is jelous of my friendship with her brother. She thinks he hates her. That couldn't have anything to do with her brother living with dad and her living with mom. Dad no love for her. You think she would see a shrink. No she doesn't need one. Your right Casey you shouldn't waste your breath with trying to reason with waw. They are in own little world looking for hapiness. They can't figure it out they need to love themselves first.


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
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Days are up and down. This am w calls me into room asked me why I didn't go out last night,I did she was sleeping when I left. We talked for a few about schedule for the day. She needed to work on school stuff so I told her I would take kids to church then pool. She said she needed to go to church w me to work in nursery we could leave kids at home. Got home from pool took kids and her to dinner. We got home w was nice gave me a hug I kissed her on cheek and said goodnight. I don't know what to think, I am going to really try and be her friend,she is so bull headed and stubborn,just can't get suckered into fighting with her.


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 63
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I am in same situation; I know W is up to no good but it is so hard being alone that when she tosses scraps of affection my way I have a very hard time refusing and most of the time I do not succeed. When they know they have you on a leash there is no incentive for them to change.


Me37, W30, S7
Married 10yrs 05/11/04
ILYBINILWY 22/09/13
Disc. OM1 26/09/13
Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14
Affair Confession 21/06/14

W and I share same apartment (for a few more days).
W isn't pushing for D.

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Quote:
When they know they have you on a leash there is no incentive for them to change.


BINGO!


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
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I got a text from a freind who has a freind whose husband left her. She just finished D a few months ago. A beautiful lady. Model for a marriage magazine. GO figure. She knows of me and is keeping up with freind about my sitch. I guess the point is it kind of helps with detaching.although I know I can't act on it now, it's nice to know there is interest out there. It's like my m stinks and I am only one working on changing it.
I feel like w knows I am on a leash. All she has to do is give a little tug and puppy will come running back. But when the puppy breaks that leash she is going to come running after it. My W the other night said something to me. She said why don't you admit you never loved me. I was dumbfounded. Here I have stayed and fought for m going on 8 months. Pure hell. Sure did some dumb things, said some dumb things. I asked her if I never loved her what would I still be here for. Then she mentioned something about my being arugoaunt with my religion. I said if you don't think this sitch has humbled me andthat God hasn't humbled me I don't know what to tell you. It seems like she is almost angry because she can't believe what I have gone through and still hanging tough. Well I am actually feeling good about myself. Whatever path m R takes with w. I have learned so much about myself, my short falls. Strengths etc. I am glad to have been apart of DBing.


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

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Posts: 930
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Glad to see you are feeling good. Nice knowing there are other beautiful women out there thinking of you and looking at you as a prize. Sounds like your W is conflicted especially since she wants you to stay in the house for another year. Its like she wants you but doesnt want you at the same time. All in all, not a terrible position to be in. Many here have it much worse!


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
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Pilot, these waw are in a fog. Last weak my w and I were talking about when boys played soccer. It was in fall but she swears it was in spring. At a game she claims she ran up to me and I walked away. I was mad at her for not dressing boys for weather.one of boys has asthma and was struggling. Looking back I didn't act like a loving spouse, she claims that was day that pushe'd her over the edge. Anyway my point is I know when it was. She has told me it was in the fall until recently. Anyway tonight at dinner I asked if we were going to sign up for soccer. She says that was in spring. My 12d said no mom it was fall so and so from boys class were on team. I guess I am corn fused on that one. Anyway it is nice to have a hottie interested in my sitch and checking on me. It's not what I want or need rt now. Just a gd thing for ego. When you have been w someone for 19yrs it's hard to think about a new woman.


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 930
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Yea, I cannot imagine 19 years. I have been married a little over 6 and with her for coming on 8 years. 19 is a long time. And to top it off, you now have young kids too. I am really pulling for ya. And your family...


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 441
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igit Offline OP
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Posts: 441
Pilot, I appreciate it. My IC who is a 30 yr psychologist who has seen it all in her career told me today she is even confused on the D filing, living till next June etc. Last week I needed to get out of home for night so I took off at midnight. W called me and was pleading with me to come home that night. She was telling me she would stay in room and sleep with me. I didn't come home didn't tell her where I was , she called me at 3am.she called me at 6am.I didn't take bait. I tell this to my shrink and she tells me she still doesn't know what she wants. IC knows wife from a few visits and has told me that there has been a 3rd party in our relationship and it's her dad. I know it and wife knows it but some people just can't deal with those demons and ignore the effect is has on there life. When these issues arise pre-menopause they will do whatever they can do to find happiness. What they end up finding out is there unhappiness and issues will keep following them until they deal with them. I have tried to get w to deal with this since she went off of deep end but to no avail. Very frustrating


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 930
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Posts: 930
You know you may be on to something with the dad thing. Maybe the MC knew something quickly after talking to her. Does not really make much of a difference right now. Lord knows I have explored every avenue of 'understanding' my situation within myself. One more wont matter now, but if there is a R in the future, then maybe something to explore and dive into.

Thanks for all your insight and your time igit. I enjoy talking with you because I really do think we have some strong similarities. Then again, I hate that you have to deal with what I am. Hah!


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
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