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Scorp7 Offline OP
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My W seems to have a split personality, or an extremely hard time being honest, or maybe it is her mother pushing her to do what she's done. I tend to firmly believe it's a combination of all of those things with the last point being the strongest reason for her actions.

We just met last Thursday and discussed everything. We didn't agree on everything and yet I thought it was a good discussion. She told me several times she didn't want to use lawyers anymore. She also knew my plans for the coming months if she continued to refuse to move back to my province.

Then on Monday I received a letter....from her lawyer!!!! In it she said that she thought the trailer wasn't suitable for the kids to stay in so until I had secured a permanent residence in the area my time with the kids would only be on weekends. Wow....

I had my kids with me every other week in our trailer for the entire months of May and June while they were in school. Our trailer is very large, it's likely bigger than many people's apartments. I had only planned to use it for the month of September as it will start to get a bit cold after that. I made that very clear to my W. It seems she is looking for any excuse she can to try to cause problems for the shared parenting time we've had going over the past four months.

I had also been unable to talk to my kids for the past 5 days after I dropped them off with her last Thursday. My D7 phoned me two hours after I left, she was crying and said she wanted to come home. I told her I would talk to her the next night but for several days I was unable to reach them. My W would have overheard my D7 talking with me so I can't fathom how she could deny my kids from having contact me for that long. I've repeatedly told my W to call to talk to our kids anytime she wants when they are with me, something she almost never does.

My lawyer is drafting a letter to respond to her lawyers letter which will reiterate that I intend to do everything necessary to continue the shared parenting arrangement we've had. It's insane because neither my W or I can afford to use lawyers at this point, something she seemed to acknowledge up until this Monday. I will be picking my kids up again tomorrow and then get ready to have them back in school the following week.

I am going to stick to what I've been doing. I'm putting my kids first and will do what I have to in order to make sure they have both parents equally. We are facing financial ruin, something that could be easily avoided if my W would come back to my province, it doesn't look like she will ever do that and would rather see us in bankruptcy so she can stay where she's "happy".

I'm meeting with my bank today to see what else I can possible do to keep us going. Wish me luck!


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Scorp,

Be careful of labeling W as having a 'split personality'. She is conflicted for sure. One thing that's pretty clear is that she is still resolute in moving forward with a D so you'll need to adjust your mindset accordingly.

Then on Monday I received a letter....from her lawyer!!!! In it she said that she thought the trailer wasn't suitable for the kids to stay in so until I had secured a permanent residence in the area my time with the kids would only be on weekends. Wow....


I hope you had your L address this in the letter to her L. Challenge this and push back on this. Also state that you have a nice home in your province that is FAR MORE suitable for the kids with better opportunities (according to you).

Don't fall on the sword just for the sake of appeasing W. From here and on, it is all about the kids.

I had also been unable to talk to my kids for the past 5 days after I dropped them off with her last Thursday. My D7 phoned me two hours after I left, she was crying and said she wanted to come home. I told her I would talk to her the next night but for several days I was unable to reach them. My W would have overheard my D7 talking with me so I can't fathom how she could deny my kids from having contact me for that long. I've repeatedly told my W to call to talk to our kids anytime she wants when they are with me, something she almost never does.

I hope you instructed L to inform W's L that you want unfettered access to the kids at all times.

We are facing financial ruin, something that could be easily avoided if my W would come back to my province, it doesn't look like she will ever do that and would rather see us in bankruptcy so she can stay where she's "happy".

It doesn't matter what YOU think is the correct way to handle this for W is far far far gooooone! She DOES NOT want to be in your province. Jeepers! Try to tattoo this on your forehead.

She does not want to be married to you any longer.

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Originally Posted By: Scorp7
My W seems to have a split personality, or an extremely hard time being honest, or maybe it is her mother pushing her to do what she's done. I tend to firmly believe it's a combination of all of those things with the last point being the strongest reason for her actions.

Scorp, I know you don't like to hear it, but there is another factor in play here. Don't discount that influence.

I agree with everything Wonka says. It's time to take off the gloves and lawyer up. You need a temporary custody order immediately.


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I have moved on, as much as I can at this point anyway, and realize that she definitely not only does not want to live in my province she absolutely doesn't want to be married to me any longer. That's been VERY clear for a long time now.

The thing is, whether she wants to or not, there is reality to consider. If our home in my province does not sell and we continue the way we are, we will go under. If she came back, we not only would not go under she could have a nice place of her own, I could keep the place our kids love, everyone is great other than she doesn't get to live where she wants.

I don't know for sure if she's seriously with this other guy over there or not. Frankly, I don't care as long as he does not do anything what so ever to harm my kids. Regardless, she has a choice to make, her new flame in her province or come back to the old and have her kids be secure for a long time to come.

I have made sure my lawyer will insist on the custody order. It has also been noted that I am incurring extreme financial hardship because of her actions. I've also had her include the fact I have paid for ALL of the expenses related to the acreage property. If she wants to be nasty then I will be going after her for paying her share which is a VERY large bill at this point.

I do still love my wife, I likely always will. Having said that, I hate what she is doing to all of us for the sake of her own happiness. It doesn't seem that she is even truly happy. I can accept that we won't be together as hard as that is, it's not the life I wanted for my kids. What I can't accept, or at least I can't understand, is her insistence on living where she is. She can have a great life back in my province, we could move on immediately and with all of us much better off than if we continue to go down the path she's forcing us on.

I've definitely lawyered up, it's cost me a LOT of money already. Money I did not want to give to a lawyer. Money that should have gone to my kids. I don't see that I had a choice. I can only do what I can, try to control what I have control over. My W is still dictating a lot of the situation, she will always be involved. That's something I can't control and as long as she continues to make the decisions she has then my family is in for a much harder road ahead than we would have had to face otherwise.


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Scorp,

The thing is, whether she wants to or not, there is reality to consider. If our home in my province does not sell and we continue the way we are, we will go under. If she came back, we not only would not go under she could have a nice place of her own, I could keep the place our kids love, everyone is great other than she doesn't get to live where she wants.

She doesn't share your POV at all.

I have made sure my lawyer will insist on the custody order. It has also been noted that I am incurring extreme financial hardship because of her actions. I've also had her include the fact I have paid for ALL of the expenses related to the acreage property. If she wants to be nasty then I will be going after her for paying her share which is a VERY large bill at this point.

Then put it writing in response to W's L.

I do still love my wife, I likely always will. Having said that, I hate what she is doing to all of us for the sake of her own happiness. It doesn't seem that she is even truly happy.


It is totally understandable that you still love your W. You cannot possibly know how W feels. This is mindreading here.

What I can't accept, or at least I can't understand, is her insistence on living where she is. She can have a great life back in my province, we could move on immediately and with all of us much better off than if we continue to go down the path she's forcing us on.

It doesn't matter. All it matters is at this point, W doesn't want to be married to you nor does she want to be in your province. She wants to be near her parents and that's that.

BTW, she's trying to chart a new path for herself and it is not for you to decide if she can have a great life in your province. If she thought that way, she'd have stayed in your province.

You. cannot. control. W.

My W is still dictating a lot of the situation, she will always be involved. That's something I can't control and as long as she continues to make the decisions she has then my family is in for a much harder road ahead than we would have had to face otherwise.


Because you've let her to do so for months and months. Then you get shocked with a letter from her L. Why? We've warned you all along that the possibility of it happening may happen.

You will have it rough for a while as now you are in the v. phase...that's why they put the v. in between the parties to borrow from one of Starsky's gems. It is now a business negotiation.

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Because you've let her to do so for months and months. Then you get shocked with a letter from her L. Why? We've warned you all along that the possibility of it happening may happen.


I wasn't totally shocked, nothing would do that at this point. I was a bit surprised though that since she had just sent me an email on Thursday that said "talking together is better than going through the lawyers who are more than willing to take money...whether it is there or not.". We met that same day and talked at length, and then she has her lawyer send another letter a few days later.

I can't control my wife, that is for sure. She may find out soon though that others are going to assert their control of the situation and it may effect things she thinks she has control over now. Case in point, if the bank forecloses on our home then we both will lose a lot of the control of the situation and we both will walk away with nothing. Does that sound like the best option for our kids?


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Originally Posted By: Scorp7
Does that sound like the best option for our kids?

Scorp, go back to what Wonka said about the v. phase. It seems like you still feel that she will cooperate with you "for the good of the kids."

I don't think she feels the same.

You're not teammates anymore Scorp. She's got a very different plan than you do.


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You're right Drew, we're not teammates anymore. I had hoped though that we could try to put our own wants and wishes aside to try to do what was best for the kids. She will need money and credit to go down the path she's chosen. If she doesn't face reality she likely will have neither.


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That's not your issue anymore. Just what's best for you and your children.


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Yup...that's right ^^.

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