Living the dream...one day at a time

[wishing, hoping]

Okay it's typical. Got it. It's very frustrating to say the least.

Worked three hours after work at the soccer field tonight setting up nets and field prep. When I agreed to these hours I thought it was for cleaning and setting up the concession stand. Not so much. I'm only 5'0" tall. It's hard to put nets on an 8'00" goal. It didn't help that the ladder was too short too. And I hate ladders. I've known too many people that have fallen and shattered their kneecap. My MIL being one of them.

Rewarded myself with some Chinese takeout tonight. I got another bill paid off. Slow and steady wins the race I guess. Plus I struck up a conversation with the guy at work that I am interested in. Had to call him regarding a work situation, and he ended up asking me about my vacation, where we went, what we did, etc. We have crossed the line from complete work conversation into personal conversation. Hey it's a big deal for me. Baby steps.

J was supposed to buy half the back to school materials for the kids. S told me he has not purchased one thing other than clothes. So I called J to tell him the kids' open houses are next week and that he can send D's supplies with her on Sunday and I will drop them off Tuesday and I will send S's supplies with him to drop off Wednesday. I did this not so much as a courtesy to J, but to let him subtlety know he needs to get his butt in gear and buy those supplies. You wanted to experience the "joy of back to school shopping" so get on the stick, Rick. We will see if he really does buy the stuff or drops it in my lap.

I think I have gotten everything washed and put away from the trip. We are already planning on going back over spring break. It's only 8 months away.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Another day at the soccer tournament. Last night S's team lost in the last 30 seconds when they opposing team kicked a goal. Our team had no time to recover. The boys played hard and it was disappointing loss. But they won today so that makes up for it a bit.

J is trying to pull me in the middle again. He's angry at S's coach. Now this team is under new management and I am not really happy with some of the changes, but J just called me while I was in the grocery store and just went off the deep end about the situation with S's soccer. He said if things don't get better he's going to tell the coach off and yadda yadda. I know I shouldn't have answered the phone, but I thought maybe S needed a ride or was caught in the rain or something since S was at the soccer field with his friends. I should have known. Yeesh.

I guess I should be happy that his anger is no longer directed at me. I just listened and tried to validate and I explained that maybe he was misunderstanding something and not to get really upset until he had all the facts. I know, like talking to a brick wall. I just hope he doesn't tick off the coach and then S won't get to play at all.

It is going to be a long 11 years until D turns 18. Then the kids will be of age and I wont have to listen to this political crap from J.

WH

[AJM]

Slow and steady does win the race, WH. And no, it won't be a long 11 years, unless you make it that way. You'll find the balance and perspective long before then. Long before.

If you don't like ladders, can you use stilts?

AJ

[BklynMom]

Funny that the soccer coach has brought up so many issues for your xh.

I bet he is really taking about something more the soccer coaching when he bashes the coach. I would listen for clues in his rants it may help you deal with him better in the future.

[wishing, hoping]

Hmmmmm interesting BK. It stems back from two years ago when S started playing for this coach. The coach told me then he preferred to talk to me about things with S, not his dad. I think they have a huge ego clash is what it is. Like two dogs fighting over the same hydrant. But when J can't "win over" someone or if someone criticizes J then they are dead to him. He wants me to believe this is all about S, but I think it's more about J's ego.

While there are things about the soccer club I am unhappy with, most if them have to do with how they treated other people who were very dedicated to the club for many years. J has angst against one coach.

But J always has to have something to be angry about. It's quite exhausting really. And its hard to live with that negativity without becoming negative. I voiced my displeasure about some things and now I am moving on. J can't and he won't.

But my take is that it's like the teacher in school you just don't see eye to wye with. You grin and bear it for a year and then move on.

WH

[BklynMom]

Nothing you can do about your x anger except what you have been doing... Staying out of the way.

Take a deep breathe and remind yourself how lucky you are that you are not married to the guy

[wishing, hoping]

So S has been texting me and it's a zoo again over at his dad's house. He sent me a picture of me, his dad and him as a baby and he said it makes him want to cry. It breaks my heart. I just could shake J for being such a self-absorbed arrogant b*stard. Oh...this won't affect the kids. Our kids are great. They will be just fine. I don't think they are fine. I think they are suffering.

It's hard to let go of the anger when your kid is crying his eyes out.

WH

[AJM]

Yes WH, it is. The key, in my opinion is recognizing that you cannot change what J has done, but rather doing what you can for your kids to help them. While that's a constant struggle and never black and white, it is something you can do.

Your son will figure out what he's going to do and how he is going to handle things. It'll be most helpful if you, the sane one, can help him navigate that in a healthy way. I'm sure it won't be conflict free for him nor you, but you can more than handle it.

Your kids are very lucky to have you.

AJ

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks so much AJ.

It has gotten so ridiculous that I hate going to the house to pick up he kids. It's such a disaster area and so dysfunctional. It's madness. And it takes me some time after getting back to my place to snap out of it.

That house is toxic. Just toxic. It's trashy and awful. I'm so glad I'm out. I just need to be there for my kids.

WH

[wishing, hoping]

Hello peeps...

I really wish I didn't have anxiety issues. I don't know why, but for the past few days my nerves have been really on edge. Nothing has really happened, no new developments...but inside I feel like a nervous wreck. For starters I checked my account balance, and although it is not where I would like it to be, I really have plenty of money for the next week until I get paid again considering I had to get a private babysitter for the last two days for the kids and I went on vacation. But rent is coming due as well as the credit card and I am just freaking myself out. Baby steps right? I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this anxiety stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that I am in control of it all. And I would be much worse off if I was still sharing a bank account with J. Ugh. It just helps to get this stuff off my chest and talk about it. It eases the anxiety.

Speaking of J he has most recently started venting to be about OW's children. He called me yesterday to discuss D's new soccer schedule (which he was angry about that too) and then segwayed into talking about her kids and how our children are so much easier to handle, how her kids need to be constantly entertained, how they argue so much...yadda, yadda. It's only been two months and he's already complaining. How much longer before he calls me up and starts complaining to me about OW?

S told me he heard OW and J talking the other day about OW getting an apartment in our home town. If they are engaged why does she need an apartment? I don't even really want to know. It's nothing but one huge, explosive bag of crazy over there. I hope she does move out only because she has started "picking on" S and she and J gang up on him and do things to irritate him that they think are outlandishly hilarious. I think they are mean-spirited. She is just ugly on the inside and out.

I have done a LOT of praying lately for help from above to keep my side of the street clean and not to worry about the wrong side of the tracks. The three-ring circus is revving up, guys. And they want audience participation, but I think I want my money back. The popcorn is getting stale.

WH