A new M--a new me, a new him!

[reachingHigher]

Thank you job, and takevowsserious and 2BH!

I responded to you dear 2BH on your thread.

Job, we didn't all do the GC hike. My older son and sister and BIL (who met us out there) did the overnight hike in and out. H and S14 and I toured Indian cliff dwellings and trendy towns in the area and had a great time.

Thank you, job, for saying I'm at the finish line! Oh, how I wanted you to say that for so long...how I wanted this all to be over when it wasn't!

I truly feel in my gut it is over. Just like you know when little things are wrong...just little things....I have my radar up high and I know everything is right...just right!

My H and I have tried to make routines to make sure this never happens again. We give each other space and privacy and also work to create fun times and dates together. I try to appreciate who he is now.

And, job, just to let you know...I've been with H 24/7 for a week and only saw him take one drink. He started a beer last night but only half-finished it as he wanted to see all of S20's pics from the Canyon hiking trip. It's like the alcohol problem is out of his system altho he will probably drink casually and socially from time-to-time.

TVS, dear TVS, thank you for your kind words. Yes, I so remember the darkest of days and the many posts from you and other keeping me going. It was my goal to come out of this respecting myself and my H if we D. But...the happiest of endings I could only dream of happened! And I feel so much internal joy about the things I have learned and am learning about myself. I am working on "me" every day. Not for my H. Not for my children. But for me...and being comfortable who I am and who I want to be! It is such a great feeling...I try to stay on the positive thought path and when I stray to the negative thoughts...I pamper myself until I can get back to positive! That's what my clinical psychologist told me to do.

My wish for you is for happy reconciliation in the future. Galbaby and I have been there and I soooooo want you there too!!!! But, in your usual humor, strength and grace, you will be comfortable with you and your boys no matter how/where you end up!

And a round of hugs for all
rH

[Wonka]

rH,

What a wonderful visit from you! It looks like you and H closed the MLC chapter in your long marriage for good. Now you two are writing new chapters together and it's to be savored for sure.

So happy for you, H, and the lil' family who benefited from your DBing efforts. Yes, you did it!!!

[sweetbabyred]

rH, so glad to see your update. I'm not on here much and haven't updated in months (nothing's changed, unfortunately), but I was so happy to see that your family is back together.

It sounds like you're both doing the work you need to to keep things moving in the right direction. Feel free to keep updating when you can because we can never have too many success stories on here!

[nero]

hey hi-

just checkin in and want to say hi and i'm so happy for you. you're an inspiration to us all- on this stinking long long "journey" - so nice to know there is some success out there.

so fingers crossed - who knows really what life holds next-
just hopin for good stuff - in an undefined kinda way.

xxo

[BklynMom]

What a great update. So glad to hear from you again and to give new comers the hope they are looking for.

Great that both you and h have done and continue to do the real work necessary to make your m work forever.

So so happy for you, I do remember you when...

[reachingHigher]

Thanks to everybody and their kind replies here

job, our older son did hike down into the Grand Canyon with relatives and stayed overnight. My H and other son and I toured the area and enjoyed that immensely as well. We have really great memories and pics from the trip.

Life continues to get better with H. We have bought a new house on 1 acre and are closer to the metro area (instead of the rural 20 acres we had) with a guest house behind the house. We are turning the guest house into a rec room/workout room and man cave. This move to a new house is a brand new start for all four of us. We loved the old homestead but it had bitter as well as sweet memories for us all.

We have already had some friends over to our new place and used the rec room (we bought a pool table from the sellers) and I can't describe how much fun it was having company over with our two boys and us playing music, playing pool, darts, etc. and laughing and enjoying ourselves!

I have learned that H and I can disagree without being disagreeable. We are FAR more accepting of each other's quirks than we were pre-MLC.

I wanted to share that my H sent me an email earlier today that was interesting. He said he came across a goals list he had made in February 2013. This was nearly 2 years ago. At that time, he was still living in his own apartment, not at home

H listed 7 items that he wanted in his life. They mostly had to do with defining who he is separately in our M. He had never shared this with me.

He sent me this list today and EVERY ONE of the list is being fulfilled right now in his life. He is not a man to get overly excited but this was exciting for him!

I also feel fully free to be me in every aspect. I feel freedom to pursue my career, or stay at home if I wish. I am supported in all my endeavors and am fully trusted and loved.

Last weekend H and I visited a male friend of ours from his "drinking group". The three of us went to an entertainment district in the metro area in the evening. We rented "beach bikes" and rode around the streets and sidewalks looking at horses pulling Christmas-decorated carriages and we were laughing and letting the wind blow in our hair.

We rode the bikes to an ice skating rink and H and friend skated (first times) and I took pics. Then we met more friends at a restaurant for food and good times!

Everything is so great...its like a honeymoon but better b/c we know each other so well and the trust and love are very developed.

So...I see it isn't just the M that we saved...we preserved our individuality through this process.

[BrightFuture]

rH, thanks so much for stopping by for an update. It means so much for a lot of people here. I almost cried when I was reading you update. I’m so happy for you!

[job]

rH,
I'm so happy for you! Your "new" life and marriage are going well. The new home sounds wonderful and I like the idea of the guest house being turned into a "man" cave. Well done!

You have been an inspiration for those who come here. Keep up the good work and if you don't report back in later, have a wonderful holiday season!

[Raine]

Awesome update rH! I'm so glad you stopped in. You gave me so much encouragement and hope through the difficult times in my situation. It was all worth it. I'm so glad I found this forum and your posts. I love that he has a list of goals and that he shared them with you. I am so glad to hear that things just continue to get better and better.

[reachingHigher]

Thank you for your joy, Bright Future!

And thank you job…you will forever be a special person in my life. You stood by me through thick and thin and I will never ever forget it!

Thank you, Raine; I’m so happy you and your H have reconciled and have a life together once again!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I wanted to share a tender moment between H & I a couple of nights ago.

We went to dinner with a couple and then to a show by Kacey Musgraves, country singer (“follow your arrow”).

The warmup band played this song:

“It won’t be Christmas without you.
I wrapped up all your presents,
Wrote my name on every card.
I just can’t help it baby,
Takin’ this so hard.”

I thought about Christmastime two years ago. Me and H with D papers signed by me. Waiting for him to sign. I thought my heart would totally break yet I was thrilled with the possibility of finally having a “normal” life after 4 years of MLC.

I felt tears pushing at the corners of my eyes; then my H looked over at me with his face full of emotion. We both smiled at each other and were able to keep these emotions under control. Whew!

And it was a great concert!

We both loved these lyrics by Kacey Musgraves:

“If you’re ever gonna find a silver lining
It’s gotta be a cloudy day
If you wanna fill your bottle with lightning
You’re gonna have to stand in the rain”

I thought some here may relate to this.
And, as always, wanted to give encouragement to as many as possible.

Hugs to all,
rH