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Pilot, sorry to hear that you are having a down day. We all have them, when we see the woman we love (mine is also a complete chaos kid) go crazy, date other men, blame all the problems in her world on us loyal LBH's.

keep faith dude, marriage is a good thing when it's all said and done.


Me: 35
Her: 33
D : 16
S : 9
Together: 14 years
Married: 12
She left 4/14/2014
Separated: 5/25/2014
OM Confirmed 7/2014
She filed 8/7/2014
I Filed 10/21/2014
Divorce final 2/12/2015
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I'm sorry, Pilot.

It's funny how the stories are so similar but I've also noticed that many situations turn at the same time. I'm noticing a lot of situations taking a down turn right now whereas about three weeks ago there was a big upshift across the board. Interesting to me.

I am 5'3", petite and dark blonde. Just in case. smile


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Pilot,

My sitch took a weird twist as well recently.

And at 5 ' 7" and just under a "buck-twenty", I guess I qualify as "willowy" now. Blonde... but not dumb!
(Anyway, I'm too old for you.)
Rayzzz probably looks super hot in a wig and a Batman costume, playing a Ukulele.
Those plastic abs are really eye-catching! I want some! smile
----------------------------------------

But yes, it IS really hard to keep the faith when the people we love are throwing us under the bus, and there are all these really nice people out there who *seem* really interested...

Who knows what they're really like, but I think we can all agree, they are a balm for the old ego!!!!
-------------------------------------

I had an interesting, ego-stroking exchange with the young guy behind the meat counter at the grocery store today.
He is working his way through graduate school (full boat).
He was bright and funny, easy on the eyes--and clearly liked his meat... "aged and well seasoned"!
He was the most compelling person I've spoken to in weeks; cracking jokes about the price of the "meat" among other things.
He really made me laugh and was obviously smart and confident.
His "interest" was such a contrast to GUBU, who I usually feel would be happier if I had just died.

He started to up the flirting ante--but I beat it out of there.
No dating yet. Nope! Too scaarrrrrryyyy......

Too much temptation and I am pretty lonely for male companionship at the moment.
(But you can bet I'll be buying more Kebabs and Pub Burgers on Wednesdays in the near future! I need to gain some weight anyway.)

I'm sure a lot of women would write him off because he's packing up their chicken breast, but I know not to judge a person by the job they're doing.
---------------------------------

I heard today on Dr. Oz that "Testosterone takes a dip in Spring, rebounds in Summer."

Don't know how that's relevant, except that the "testosterone" seems to be flowing lately.
For us female DBers, it might mean our Hs are going wacko, into "RUT". Yuck!
They appear to be focused on what *might* be available in the gene pool.

Meanwhile, our wonderful male DBers are feeling the pinch of their wives being MIA while their levels are surging. That can't feel good.

Just food for thought.

Anyhow.
There are great people everywhere.
If our S's don't come around, I think the people here will do just fine in the end.

There are a LOT of people out there who are looking for QUALITY.

That is the elusive "IT" factor that is in short supply.

And if nothing else, this he!! we are going through is refining us, whether we like it or not.
We will either be better for it, or worse for it.

That's up to us.

For myself, I want to be better for this experience.

If the messed-up losers on Jerry Springer can have a passel of suitors fighting over them on national TV, we sure can!

"Who's your Baby Daddy?" "Bachelor Number One?" "NOPE."
"Bachelor Number Two?" "Nope."
"Bachelors 5-9-20????" "Nope."

GIRL-FIGHT!!!! Pull off that wig!!!
------------------------------------

At least this board proves we can string a sentence together.
That's a real plus in my book.
I love a quick wit, a good sentence, a thoughtful reply.

If nothing else, we are LEARNING.
And we are GROWING.

We WILL be better for this experience, either for our spouses, or a new partner.

Or maybe--just for ourselves.

"So Sayeth the Triple GGG..."



---GGG
Hijack?

Absolutely.

Sorry?

Only a little.

smile


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Thinking of you pilot. Keep the faith and stay strong.


M 35 W 31
D 10
Married 3 years
Together 11
Single since Nov 13
Moved out Dec 13
ILYBNILWY, 'I don't want to be a boring housewife, 'I don't fancy you any more'
OM confirmed Jun 14
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Pilot, Gashy , Rayzzz, big mac,ss06,goat gal- , it sounds like we all have the same sitch going on! just different locations. I looked up the Chaos kids on web. crazy how so much is true and we are living proof of living through it! Somehow I truly believe we will all come out of this as better people. with or without S. If S comes back they will really appreciate the strength and patience we showed them during there crisis. If they don't come back we will be much further ahead of them in terms of our understanding of what we need in a M. The DB has been a huge help! I feel that if it is true love and we can show the patience even going through a D and after a D they may wake up and see how there actions caused the break up of the Family. My W is being extremely nice to me this week. She knows I need to answer summons in next 3 weeks. She thinks we will be good friends through this and after D because of kids. I am struggling with this concept. if you want to be best friends and help each other with kids then why D. I don't think there is any such thing as a Happy D. A great book that my DB coach recommended was by Gary Smalley called winning your wife back before its to late: whether she's left physically or emotionally. also same author joy that last. I would highly recommend both books you can download on your nook or smart phone. the Winning wife back talks about the issues that childhood or parent relationships have on our spouse. its really a good read! That's what I struggle with I want to be that person that loves wife unconditionally even if divorced. it talks about emotional baggage they are carrying around that nothing we do will make a difference in the relationship today. She will have to work through these areas herself in order to receive our love again. a woman is not in a favorable position to reconcile if she is struggling with her past.didnt mean to get to heavy but wanted to share this with you guys and girls .


M 54
W 48
T 19
M 17
D 12
Twin S 6
Twin S 6
Ilybnilwy 1/26/14
A discovered 2/3/14
D filed 7/25/14
Sumons served 8/14/14

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Originally Posted By: LisaB


For what it's worth I'm blonde and around 5ft. LOL. :P


I am now in my own fog. Haha


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 930
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Originally Posted By: Ss06

I am 5'3", petite and dark blonde. Just in case. smile


OMG my fog just got mega foggy! smile smile smile


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 930
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Originally Posted By: GoatGal
Pilot,

And at 5 ' 7" and just under a "buck-twenty", I guess I qualify as "willowy" now. Blonde... but not dumb!


Fog so thick its like I am swimming!!


Quote:
Rayzzz probably looks super hot in a wig and a Batman costume, playing a Ukulele.


Fog cleared!! smile


Quote:
Who knows what they're really like, but I think we can all agree, they are a balm for the old ego!!!!


You are right. But then again, any next real relationship would be after what we have all been through.
-------------------------------------

Quote:
I had an interesting, ego-stroking exchange with the young guy behind the meat counter at the grocery store today.


Without quoting the whole story.... awesome GoatGal! It almost read like the beginning plot to an adult film when I first started reading it! haha. I am glad you had that experience because I do know what it can do to self esteem after being treated like your H treats you. I bet you will be having beef tonight. (ok, that sounded bad after I typed it)
---------------------------------

Quote:

There are great people everywhere.
If our S's don't come around, I think the people here will do just fine in the end.


Absolutely. I am not worried about the long term for me, or for most of the people here. As you said, we are all getting our sh1t together in a way which only makes us better suited for our next relationship regardless if it is with our spouses.

Thank you so much for spending your time writing on my forum GGG. It really is nice knowing you and the others here take a moment out of their day to give a little pep talk when one is needed.

Thanks to all!!!


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 930
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Originally Posted By: igit
didnt mean to get to heavy but wanted to share this with you guys and girls .


By all means keep sharing. Never too heavy. I will look into those books.

Thanks igit!


Me: 42
W: 32
Married 7 years together 8.5
S1: 7 S2:7
Bomb #1: 09-16-13
Recon #1: 11/13
A discovered 04-03-2014
W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me
I filed D 12-02-2014
S 05-31-14
Divorced 5-19-16
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 63
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Quote:
it talks about emotional baggage they are carrying around that nothing we do will make a difference in the relationship today. She will have to work through these areas herself in order to receive our love again. a woman is not in a favorable position to reconcile if she is struggling with her past.didnt mean to get to heavy but wanted to share this with you guys and girls .


I think this is a very important idea, that our Ws are struggling with emotional baggage from their pasts that we had nothing to do with, and their behavior towards us is in most cases not personal even if they say it is (believe none of what you hear and less than half of what you see...). I know sometimes I lose my patience and respond with anger to provocations, but this is always an unhealthy way to address the problem - even if it is short-term very satisfying!

I guess that is why detachment is such an important technique; it depersonalizes our reaction to provocations which for the most part are not personal but the actions of someone else on autopilot. Sometimes you just need to dial in more trim to remain straight and level... When I can step back when W is not around and look at it rationally it makes it easier to stay focused on the goal, which for me is surviving this and out-stubborning my WAW. One can love the sinner without loving the sin.


Me37, W30, S7
Married 10yrs 05/11/04
ILYBINILWY 22/09/13
Disc. OM1 26/09/13
Disc. STD from OM2 03/02/14
Affair Confession 21/06/14

W and I share same apartment (for a few more days).
W isn't pushing for D.

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