I was chuckling to myself when I got home (4:30 AM) knowing what a great time I had, and knowing that GUBU was just there, like a blob, in front of the TV. Sad, but nothing I can do about it.
The next morning I still smelled the river water in my hair. I loved it!
I only felt slightly conflicted beforehand--that "Is this an appropriate activity for a woman of my age?"---for a few moments, until I decided "HELL YEAH!!!!" and went for the long jump!
My barometer is always: "Is this destructive/hurting anyone? Is there a price to pay and will it be worth it?"
Well, there wasn't much discussion in my head after that. It was bonding, fun, exhilarating. Who cares how old I am?
And I have no children to embarrass if they found out about it.
Which reminds me, on our houseboat weekend, we three ladies learned to pee--standing up!!!---- off the deck of the boat. Takes practice, but can be done. Really handy when the on-board potty is full! (TMI, I know, but we were so pleased with ourselves!)
Just good clean fun. More of that, please!
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Dang it GGG(G)! I REALLY wish I lived near you! Sounds like you hang with my kind of people! I'd LOVE to come to one of your "DJ Dance Parties"! Then skinny dipping in the "mighty river"? Heck I used to live in the Atlantic states area (probably north of you. It was PA) and we NEVER had that much fun! We need more people like you around where I live, that's for sure!
So, all that thinking and wondering what to say and it turns out he wanted to talk about....the future of staining the deck? Life altering stuff for sure.
You keep GALing and having this much fun and one day you're going to come home and see this lump sitting in a chair in front of the TV with a smartphone in it's appendage (is that a hand?) and wonder who or what the heck that thing is. GUBU will be a distant memory! I find it amazing how GUBU could ever think he could find anyone that is more fun, smarter or looks as good in a blue Chinese dress from the thrift store than the Goddess of Goats! You're going to do great no matter what. Keep enjoying your life and leave the being miserable and grumpy to GUBU. He has enough of that to cover both of you!
I think he's gearing up to talk about moving into the basement.
That's why he's starting to clear it out, asking me to move stuff.
(I think maybe he's getting 86ed from his current digs.)
Just a good guess.
This is a man who is so avoidant he wouldn't CHOOSE to talk about anything that would lead to uncomfortable emotions if he could possibly put it off and ignore it for eternity.
So I'm still betting someone or something is pushing this "talk" which he clearly doesn't really want to have! -------------------------------------------------------- But I love that visual, coming home to a lump with a smartphone in its "appendage". And a laptop grown into its lap...
Just like that woman on Inside Edition who sat on her couch so long that she incorporated parts of it into her body. TRUTH!
---GGG
PS: I may have to change my name from GoatGal to GoatGoddess. "Triple G" has a nice ring to it, so maybe it will be the Gumby Goddess of the Goats!!!! PPS: It was the "Mighty Susquehanna"!
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
GG, I hope your thoughts about him possibly moving in the basement are correct, but try not to "assume" or have "expectations" about anything he says or does. He could very well be just cleaning up the area, i.e., wanting to get rid of things or put them in their proper places.
I know it's difficult for you to sit quietly and be still, but the answers will come and I do hate to see you trying to figure out what his moves will be. I don't want to see you hurt or disappointed when things don't turn out the way that you thought they might go.
GG, I know this is tough on you, but you've got to find a way to keep the focus on you and take care of yourself. I worry about you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I understand that I really don't know what, if anything, he's thinking about "us" or "the future". Heck, I don't even know what I think about it half the time.
I do know him pretty well, (the old him at least), and although the game has changed, his basic mode of operation is pretty intact.
If he was going to bring up anything that might cause me to get upset/emotional, he'd have to have a really good reason.
The basement thing is only a guess. It's something he's consistently mentioned and he can't stay where he is forever, is all.
And it's only relevant to me because I want to be prepared for any discussion that might come up around it, what my boundaries would be, that sort of thing.
I really have no expectations in terms of "hopes" here AT ALL.
I am really not interested in him moving back here under any conditions as long as he's being so MLC-crazy! I can't imagine that working at this point. (Maybe for him, but not for me.)
Just like I want to be prepared for that as I would for any other heavy topics.
I try and keep the focus on me as much as possible, sometimes his actions throw a monkey wrench in that, but each time I start spinning, I learn from it.
One thing that seems to help is more GALing that really feeds my soul.
That consistently shows me how much any R with him is lacking, how he is lacking...and how bleak any future with him looks.
I find---today at least---I don't care much. I'm feeling it's more about the rejection, betrayal, and insult to my ego than it is about wanting him back. That it's more about losing my home, everything I'd worked for, my animals... than it is about losing him.
The rejection hurts most of all. Losing him? Not so much. Not like he is now. There is very little that's likable or relationship material. If I hit the lottery and could just go/do what I want and keep the parts of my life without him in it, I think I'd be pretty happy with that.
Detachment feels an awful lot like falling out of love. I have fallen out of love, but have also lost so much respect for him through this. I am feeling like a WAW in that I feel I've tried for a very long time, long before BD, and I've had enough.
I'm just not ready to do all the work to divide our assets, pack, relocate... rehome. I don't want to do that until it's necessary.
But as far as he's concerned, he is someone who could make my life easier if he chose to, but unless he does, he's a liability, not an asset to me. He is someone I have to protect myself against.
Doesn't really trigger lots of warm fuzzies, does it?
He would have to grow and change an awful lot to be the kind of partner that could match me. But--no expectations either way, right?
Job, I do appreciate your concern. It means a lot.
----GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I ASSumed that GUBU had halted delivery of the paper credit card statements to the house once he started using that card for his dating service charges, college kid bars, and Viagra.
But now that two statements have arrived, with full details of purchases, I must conclude that: 1. He did not stop delivery in order to prevent me from seeing these things. 2. He did try to stop delivery but they screwed it up and keep sending paper statements.
I left the latest statement out for him to see, since he pays the bills. (The one with his questionable purchases, I tucked away since he'd already paid it. I didn't want to start a "thing" at the time. I was pretty keyed up about it, decided to let it go, at least as far as he's concerned.)
I am not trying to make anything out of this, other than the actions themselves.
If he didn't stop delivery, it means he knew I would see those things since I get and open all the mail.
No--not mind-reading... LAUGHING!!!!!
I mean, it says: "Internet Dating and Escort Services" right on the bill! How embarrassing for him... --------------------------------------------------------------
But this is not the point of mentioning it here, not getting in his playpen--no worries, DBers!
The reason for bringing it up is not to figure out "why" or "what he was thinking" or "what does it mean"
It's because it opens up the door for a boundary discussion, one that I was unsure how to handle because I didn't want to let him know my intel.
Now that the statements are still coming to the house, he's got to know that I KNOW. And that I have done a remarkable job of STFU. That's a 180 for me for sure. -----------------------------------------------------------------
If he EVER wants to live under the same roof, the dating profiles have got to go.
It's disrespectful to me, to our M, regardless if he thinks he's somehow "single" now, just by wishing.
And if he actually started "dating", does he think I should just be OK with seeing him getting shaved and dressed up to take out OTHER women?
Especially when he hasn't so much as taken me to dinner in years?
Maybe not even coming home?
Is it realistic to think I'd be cool with that?
Would HE really be cool with ME doing that? Having some dude pick me up here at the house, maybe staying gone overnight?
I think not.
Nope. If that's what he wants to do, he can go get his little bachelor pad. That's his choice.
Live here with no dating, or get his own place and pay for it.
That's my line in the sand. I didn't know how to bring up the dating site, but I would be uncomfortable knowing he's still on there, trolling for "dates". Or whatever you call them.
I can't live here upstairs while he's doing that downstairs. I think that's reasonable, no? --------------------------------------------------------------
And, now that he's told me he's back in therapy, he casually refers to "my shrink" this and "my shrink" that. After all that secrecy and carrying on. My goodness.
He says he has another appointment tomorrow after work, so he won't be here for the animals.
I said that I'd be happy to cover for him when he has an appointment, just to let me know. I am supporting that 100% and I really proud of him for that.
So far, so good.
Goodnight, DBers...
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
GG, internet dating sites like Match, etc do NOT show up as "internet dating and escort services." Escort services = prostitution. He's not online dating, he's hiring hookers.
He has a problem and could put your life at risk by exposing you to AIDS or other STDs. Even if he came home and got tested, there's a significant risk he might relapse and put you at risk.
You sound like a fascinating woman with lots of interests. Why on earth would you even consider taking him back???
GG, Is your h generally passive-aggressive? Many times, a PA person will do things so that we find out what they are doing. For example, your h is having the bills come to your residence because he does recognize that you will open them and he wants you to see what he's been charging. I don't think he's embarrassed by you finding out about these charges at all. He appears not to care that you know what he's charged. It could be his way of telling you and is hoping that you'll get angry and say something to him about it. Hence, giving him justification for why he left. Now, I'm not saying this is the case, but it certainly reminds me of a PA individual.
I agree, if the charge is identified as internet dating and escort services it is probably a nice way of saying you go on line, select a person off their site and go from there w/the "escort" which usually means the "escort" fulfills your dreams and fantasies.
Your h is exploring the world, a world he thinks he missed out on or wants to go back and revisit. Right now, he doesn't consider himself still married, so he thinks it's okay to explore these various avenues and not have you (mom) telling him what he can or can't do.
I do think that your h is hoping that you'll raise the subject of the charges on the credit card and also about him moving back home. He's got some issues when it comes to discussing things w/you. Maybe he looks at you as an authority figure, i.e., mom, teacher, etc.
GG, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I do hope today is a better day for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I do a smashing good cannonball!! 
