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Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle

Those MLCers are fashion icons.



Best line of the day.

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GGG, on Newcomers Starsky bumped a post about the value of the WAS's anger. Think that might help you cope with GUBU?


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Yes, Maybell, I read that post ^^^. Good stuff!

Update: Gubu, now resembling H in some respects, has talked at me quite a bit.
Related a story how he broke up a dog fight at the Pet Store.
(Funny, shopping for the animals we always did together.)

I listen, validate...he pretty much has one-sided conversations.

In our previous life, he'd hardly say a word. I always felt like I was pulling teeth to get him to converse. At its worst, he'd only respond to direct questions, and even then giving one word answers or grunts.
I'm trying to remember if this started before OW or not, but I think it did.
------------------------------------------------------

He asked before coming upstairs. (Good).
I just did my thing and pretty much ignored him, laughing and playing with the pups, watching a stupid TV show that cracked me up.

I'm just happy crappy!

Every now and then we'd exchange a few words about this or that, just dog stuff or the deck stain.

I keep my responses brief, light-hearted, sweet, and upbeat.

I am thinking of myself like his little sister!!!

(I read on one of my pal's threads--maybe mdu?--- to treat him like a brother, and if "light and breezy" draws him closer, keep it up.)

There's something incestuous about that, but it's workable.
Lately GUBU reminds me an awful lot of my depressed, angry, divorced, bitter, messed up older brother!
-------------------------------------------------------------

I'm in the bedroom getting ready to go to my swing dance with friends.
I have a new (vintage) Chinese style dress in turquoise that fits me like a glove.
(Good color on blondes)

That, plus my hair done up and some heels, perfume and the whole shebang...
I am going to make SURE he notices!

Let's see if any of his online 50+ dating site ladies can compete with THIS "Bird in the Hand"!!

-----------GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Originally Posted By: GoatGal

Let's see if any of his online 50+ dating site ladies can compete with THIS "Bird in the Hand"!!

-----------GGG


You go, GoatGal, with your bad self, you! We 50+ Birds in the Hand are Bad A$$es!

Originally Posted By: GoatGal

(I read on one of my pal's threads--maybe mdu?--- to treat him like a brother, and if "light and breezy" draws him closer, keep it up.)


That's what my DB coach told me to do, too. But it's weird, very weird.


M:54, H:55
T:33, M:27
12/13 BD: EA
01/14 BD: PA, H leaves
03/14 H & OW break up
05/14 H says he will file for D
08/14 H initiates D
09/14 H wants to R
12/14 Still bungling our way through R
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Okay. I just got home from dancing.
I want to say "I HATE him."

There are some good things to report, like he noticed my dress and hair, commented on the Chinese theme, even said "that's a pretty dress."

This is way more than I would have gotten in the past, so I'm pleased.

But I just came home from an evening where I was joyful---doing something I really excel at, sharing that joy with others, being with people who love me, appreciate me---think I'm talented and funny and sweet and sexy and smart---and then I come home to GUBU.

GUBU, clutching his smartphone, pretending to be asleep so he doesn't have to speak to me...

GUBU who, most of the time, acts like I have the plague.

It's hard to swallow.
I question why I am even holding onto this idea that there is something worth saving.
I am happiest AWAY FROM HIM.

He doesn't find me funny or kind or attractive.
He no longer values the best of me, the things that I have to offer that make me unique.

To him, I'm disposable.

That whole thing about "wanting what you can't have"?
Sometimes I think this is less about him than it is about my pride.

I know I'm worth pursuing, worth fighting for.
But IS HE???

I'm not sure anymore if I'm fighting for this R because I want HIM, or only because I am insulted enough that I refuse to be the "dump-ee."

Anyhow, it's late, I'm tired...

I'm also inspired.
I feel so good about what I can do. In so many ways I am absolutely in my prime.

It just hurts my heart and wounds my ego that the person I trusted and gave everything to DOES NOT VALUE ME.

More to come tomorrow. Time for sleep.
Good night, fellow DBers.

This was a straight-from-the-heart, unedited post.
I may regret it in the morning, but it's the truth at this moment.



------GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Oh GGG, I'm sorry your fun and amazing evening was dampened by him.

I think you said so many profound things in your post above.

That you're happiest away from him. That he doesn't value the best of you, the things that make you unique.

You say you're worth pursuing and then ask if he is.

How about this...

You're definitely worth pursuing... perhaps by an energetic, admirable, wonderful, intelligent, respectful, hilarious, interesting someone-else.

What would you say to a 16 year old girl who has a crush on a guy who doesn't value her gifts? You'd tell here there are other fish in the sea, that she has her whole life ahead of her and to not waste it on a guy who doesn't think she is the MOST AMAZING PERSON ON THE PLANET.

You deserve that kind of admiration, GGG. We all do.

It hurts being the dumpee. It hurts knowing that, while we know we're imperfect for sure, we have incredible qualities that make a great partner, friend, spouse and lover. It hurts knowing they disagree after they once agreed. It really hurts. It's a HUGE beat down to the ego and self esteem. And it hurts every single day we're in this situation.

You've stated your health is your highest priority right now. Is maintaining even the tiniest bit of hope in him helping you meet that goal? I'd argue that he's hindering it.

It's clear he doesn't value you. To me it's clear he doesn't value himself either but more importantly he doesnt' value all that you are. At all.

That, my dear GGG, is definitely HIS loss.


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Originally Posted By: GoatGal

It just hurts my heart and wounds my ego that the person I trusted and gave everything to DOES NOT VALUE ME.


That's his perception now. Doesn't mean it will always be that way. His perception changed once, and can change again. That is the principal behind DB.

It's your choice as to whether or not you will be there if and when this happens... better get two patience shovels.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
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I was going to say what ForeverYoung said.

It would have been better for your PMA if you'd come home, seen him, and pitied him for thinking that how he spends his free time could even hold a candle to how you're living.

You will be great, GGG, and I hope you've got a picture of yourself in that dress, it sounds lovely. smile


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Maybell, I did pity him.
While I was disliking him.

And yes, two pro photographers were there snapping away and a lot in my direction.
(They use them as promo shots for the band, venue, event, personal work, etc.)

So I hope people let me know if any flattering pics pop up.
Too bad we're not fb friends!
I have ten years' worth of dance pics.

And I did get tons of compliments on that dress!

Best thrift store purchase EVER!
--------------------------------------------------------

This morning, GUBU is back to "deaf" mode.
Couldn't hear the three things I said and when I asked if he heard me, he said "I answered you."

(Sorry, must have mistaken that vague grunt for one of the dogs farting... smile )

Gee. I had SUCH a great time last night, and he slept in the living room in front of the TV.

I told him a bit about how surprisingly good the band was, how I was so glad I went.
And he got grumpier.

TRA-LA-LAH----TEE-DAH!!!

PS: When I got in I had to wrangle the dogs and spoke to them in hushed but buoyant tones about "Mama had fun but it's sleepy time for all the babies", just fussing over them and telling them how much I "Luuuuuved" them.

Oh, and I did say (under my breath) to the one dog who was sleeping with GUBU, but who always sleeps with me: "Come on, Horton. You can do better than that. Let's go back to the BIG (king) bed!"

Snarky, I know.
But GUBU was "asleep".

Surely he couldn't have heard me?

Not DBing, I know.

But it was like gas.
Sometimes you have to let out just a squeak or the pressure builds to uncomfortable levels!!!

-----GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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Let us choose to believe GUBU is probably doing his best to show you that your gorgeous BadA$$ Self left no impression on him, when he was totally stunned by your bodaciousness and was really bothered by it because he doesn't want to believe HE WAS WRONG.

And because he is bothered by the possibility of being an idiot, he is acting like he is still so totally not bothered by The Goddess That Is GoatGal.

Or is that having expectations????

I don't know, knowing what is an expectation or not -- it's all confusing. But if you must get in his head, turn the story around. Make it a better story, one that flatters the BadA$$ GoatGal Goddess!


M:54, H:55
T:33, M:27
12/13 BD: EA
01/14 BD: PA, H leaves
03/14 H & OW break up
05/14 H says he will file for D
08/14 H initiates D
09/14 H wants to R
12/14 Still bungling our way through R
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