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Hi Shining, no canceling of parades will be done on my watch. And no beating yourself up either. I think it is so much better to have hope and belief that tomorrow will be better, than the alternative. OK, yes my W called me up to tell me she broke up with her OM, and a week later she told me she was going to continue dating other men. But you know what, that one week where I thought there was some small chance we might get back together, that was a good week. I think that's the way we are built. I'll quote the famous philosopher 'Journey' (sorry for the sarcasm), but "Don't stop believing".


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
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Shining, I hope you didnt misunderstand. I am all about there always being hope. Until you decide there isnt.

But I really like you. I see how hard you are working. I see that you get this. I want you to get what you want.

Mostly I want you to be ok. I want you to be the person you want to be. If you save your marriage, bonus.

First of all, you did not fail your children. We do the best we can with the tools and knowledge we have at the time. When we know better, we do better.

I think it is great that he is reaching out. Really great. But, I also know how easy it is to see that stuff and forget that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

This is an amazing opportunity for you. A journey you may not have gone on had it not been for his crisis.

Its an opportunity for you to become your best you. It is an opportunity for you to show your children how to navigate through tough times with strength and courage.

The goal is to realize that you will be ok no matter how this turns out. If you are ok, your children will be, too.

So, back on your path, right? Have hope, but, take care of you, too.

This is a journey he was destined to go on. No amount of loving him would have stopped it from happening.

The idea is to love him enough to allow him to walk it and love you enough to understand you cant fix it.

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uR,

Thank you, I don't feel down about the posts at all. I hope I didn't come across too much that way.

It probably won't surprise you that I have been told some of the same things that I receive on the boards long before this journey began. I have nothing but appreciation for the perspective. I actually smile sometimes as I read because deep down, the knowledge is there. I KNOW this.....I choose to ignore it at times. Then it hurts me in the long run.

I can easily get so far ahead of myself in many aspects of life. Dangerously far. It is people such as yourself, that remind me to look at where I am before I go leaping without any traction.

I will not lose hope. As I navigate the journey, and with each event and hill of the roller-coaster, I'm more able to sort this out, and get detached enough to really go to work. On me. I can tell I'm not there yet. But I've felt "pings" of it.

Almost dinner time !!!! eek

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Truth dart from me to me: I've been described in the following way many, many times.

My approach to life is READY, FIRE, AIM!

...sometimes I don't even wait for "ready".

Stop nodding.

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For a lot of things in life..how you are is a wonderful thing. Dealing with a MLC....a whole new animal.

I know you know it's a process. For you and for him. We all had fits and starts before we learned to let go. You will get there.

You are something special, S.

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Yeah, me too in way. Something's I'm there all over it like a rash before the starters gun.

Other times it takes time and is a slow process which I find hard. I don't do waiting well.

Come join the music and party in new comers, with your own tunes.

Last edited by Ggrass; 08/19/14 11:49 PM.

M 46 h54
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T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
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Well..... I'm still in the parade:).

Relatively uneventful evening.... How awesome is that?

H was moving slow....hard to explain. He wasn't bragging. He still talked about himself, but also asked about kids and my job..... General questions. Dang...he asked about my job.

I have not told H I have to find a new job. I'm afraid of "I told you so" . I'm afraid I won't appear strong and stable...partly because at this time, I'm not.

Last fall, after I returned to work from a complicated surgery (blood transfusion, difficult recovery, and I'm actually very tough but this nearly took me out)...my boss was insensitive and rude to me. I complained about it to H, H said sounds like I should find a different job. But did I??? OF COURSE NOT.

I was already having some depression due to the surgery. I had no energy and got lazy. I make great money for what I do, but he knew I didn't like the culture or the environment. File this under shoulda-coulda-woulda.

H also told me after I got a huge raise this summer (during monster alien times), to be careful because the way they had set things up in my office, it would be easier to lose that job....and here I am. Soon to be jobless. No, I didn't tell him tonight. Conversation switched quickly, and I didn't have to do either of these: get into it, or lie. Whew. Dodged it this time, but I will have to address it at some point.

My "hope" (Yep! There it is.....call it denial, wishful thinking, delusion...as you wish) was to have a great job already lined up, and everything would appear as "part of all things different and good." Could use suggestions on how and when to tell H .... What I don't want is to give any impression that I need him.

We talked about the contract on the house. We accepted an offer. H was explaining capital gains tax.... And that we may want to think about putting the money into another property.....well...."you can do what you want with your half, of course.....but just something to think about....we have 18 months to reinvest or it becomes taxable. " <<<< THIS I already knew, but a BIG complaint H had about me was that everything he told me, I seemed to know already. H would even joke and say, "could you just pretend you're hearing this for the first time, and say oh, wow, I didn't know that".

I'LL TAKE DB KNOWLEDGE FOR $400, ALEX.

"THINGS I ALREADY KNOW BUT DON'T THROW IN H FACE ANYMORE"

"UUUHHHHHHH.......WHAT IS 18O."


We did go back to the house after dinner. We were lying on the bed listening to music... Then comes the song, "Dust in the Wind". Oh, perfect.

So H begins to explain the lyrics and the meaning of the song. Back in February, H actually referenced his song in the hospital when he attempted his suicide. How we are dust and he is but a speck. His eyes grew distant and deep, then they got glossy. Then he started to cry. Then he changed the subject. Oh, goodness, was that scary to see. He went somewhere for a second, and I am extremely fearful of a relapse of the February incident. Dark, dark moment.

I am guessing from what I've read, that since there is a lot rattling around up there in that head, H is beginning to show some blips of withdrawal. I believe he will cycle back to replay, possibly to ow or even find a new ow. H appears to be grieving, possibly the break-up of ow, but that is mind reading sprinkled with wishful thinking on my part. He didn't check his phone every 30 seconds tonight. In fact, he checked it 3 times at most.

Not digging for deep meaning of the night. Just noticing differences, and journaling. It simply "is".

He was down, distracted, and even sweet. No R talk. More later....sleepytime.

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Hi Shining,
He may be grieving the loss of OW. Don't take it personally. Others on the boards have talked about how the MLC needs to do this when they "break up' with OP. You're doing great, hang in there!

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Thanks, Matt. I already knew that.

LOL!!! TOTALLY KIDDING... just messin' with ya. I'm tired and I get silly. I couldn't help it, since it was served on shiny platter.

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Oops, then I hit submit too soon...

I was actually hoping he could be grieving her being gone. He is batting a thousand with his following of the script so far....

Thanks again, Matt. I hope you get my sometimes twisted humor.

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