W is in town, day 2. Nothing much going on. She spent most of the day running errands, looking at places for work, etc. We both picked up the kids, and stopped off to feed them at S5's favorite place. She seemed to not want to eat with the kids and wanted us to go have drinks/appetizers afterwards. So that is what we are doing. She did say she wanted an early night as she was tired. Things are pleasant and fun between us, but almost bland IMHO.
I doubt anything interesting will happen tonight, but if it does, I will post it.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot, good luck tonight. Never know what could happen. The grass isn't always greener on other side. Good luck to her finding a job. My w has been getting up and leaving at 6am getting home around 430 5. She is exhausted. I am being super dad like it's no big deal. With you and little ones in picture hopefully she will come to her senses.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
I am home already. We went out and had bushwhackers (a great frozen drink...think chocolate milkshake with rum) her treat. Then we had fireball shots. Some small talk. She was asking me when and if I was going to be getting an apartment near her. I told her probably soon. She was talking about benefits of us living close...for the kids. She told me about a few jobs she applied for. None she was excited about, but they were steady jobs she said.
Anyways, we walked around the marina for a while chatting, then parted ways with a simple hug.
Still think I am beating a dead horse on this, and still pretty indifferent to it if that is what is going on.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot at least your still talking. I don't know what these woman think it's going to be like D. No more taking orders from them, no more money bag, no more of alot of things. They say 80% of marriage s that D during Affair are regretted by waw yrs later. It's craziness watching this happen to person you have shared and lived with for 19yrs. My anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. I am going to get a card with picture of kids in it. Write I will always Remember this day for what it brought us. Anyway thanks for keeping up with my sitch.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Even though things are going relatively well with W, I am really really questioning if it is worth the effort. I try to look at it as if she is someone I just met, how and would I handle it. The answer I keep coming up with is I would not be putting in this much effort. I know I have time on my side, especially if she is not pushing forward with the D and not serving me. Even going as far as saying let the petition expire and 'probably' file in our new state 3 months from now.
But I have to say I am tempted to reply on my own before the Sept. 19 deadline. And I say this not because I WANT to get divorced, I just want to move on with my life. I guess I am just tired of following the rules of marriage alone while not having any of the benefits of marriage. If she is on a journey to see if she can find happiness elsewhere, why not take this time and do the same. Problem is the state she filed in is a no fault state. So any extra marital activities are irrelevant in a divorce proceeding. However, in the state we are in now (Bible Belt) affairs play a role in how a divorce plays out. I am afraid if I do decide to date, without the protection of a pending divorce, this might be used against me should I allow the petition to expire and a new one filed in this state 3 months from now. Granted, she had an A which could be used against her in this state (not sure if she really understands that). I guess I have to speak to a L in this state to see how and what I should do.
At any rate, I am just rambling and feeling frustrated...
Last edited by pilot; 08/19/1407:04 PM.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
I say stay dark, object to the divorce and improve yourself.
My case has wrinkles because we fuses any contact at all
I don't know what to do. I am dating someone for the companionship and to keep my strength for this stressful divorce. She has had a two year affair and seeing at least two guys now.
Don't know what to do. 11 years together and she has snapped and gone crazy and distant the last two years
Thanks helpjim. Sorry to hear about the rough time you are going through. Keep your chin up!!
Hard to stay dark though as we have a 3 and 5 year old. Plus she is moving back to my town and we will likely be living just yards from each other.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Do you want her back out of duty or love? I feel more duty to prove we can workout with the hope of recovering our early love
It would be out of love. But right now I just do not feel the love for her I used to. Instead of sparks, I feel annoyance. Instead of desire I feel indifference. I know she is going through her own emotions and certainly is not ready for R, but I am not certain I want to R anymore either. I just do not see her as someone I want to be with. She has undergone a lot of changes these past few months. I guess I am just sticking around to see if they are temporary or permanent. But even her mannerisms have changed.
So who knows. I still have time, so I am not rushing into anything.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Sometimes it seems like we see winning the WAS back as a challenge without stopping to think whether we even want that person back. It's good that you are thinking about what you want and whether it is worth the continued effort. I know I sometimes have these same questions. The way he is acting now, nope I do not want him back. But I believe I do miss the H that I used to know.
Dating a bit might help you decide what you want and give you some perspective. But then you have the legal concerns that you mentioned. A difficult decision indeed.
