I think even the grey is confusing. I kind of regret having sex with her, but I don't at the same time. She is the only one I want to be with. I just do not know what to do. Is leaving her alone the rest of the day the right thing? I literally, got up after, got dressed, told her that I love her, and left. She just laid there, and I could see that she was in thought. She said this never happened. Again, we have been separated for just under a month. She needs space to figure herself out, I just do not know what is too much and what is too little.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I don't want to detach, but I know I have to. I am reading DR but I have not got too far into it yet, just got it 2 days ago, and yesterday was a day of driving to VA from PA.
I feel like if I detach too much, she will think that I do not want to be with her. I want to be desirable to her again. The truth is, it does not matter to me what she does on her current path, I would go back in a heart beat.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
I feel like if I detach too much, she will think that I do not want to be with her.
Very, VERY common misconception that nearly everyone thinks when they land here. She KNOWS how you feel about her, trust me -- it oozes from your posts, and I'm sure she feels it even moreso. But that's not the important part of it -- detachment is for YOU. It's necessary in order to get thru this phase.
I want to be desirable to her again. The truth is, it does not matter to me what she does on her current path, I would go back in a heart beat.
That sounds more like CO-DEPENDENCY to me than LOVE, Loveher. That's not healthy. A good read for you after reading DR would be "Co-Dependent No More."
And strategically, you will only be successful in this if your wife feels a credible fear of losing you. If she knows she's got you hanging on like a puppy dog on a string (ok, I'm mixing my metaphors here, lol) you will NEVER be successful at attracting her back. She has to think "Oh cr*p -- I went too far. Loveher seems to be moving on without me!"
I thought the same thing. Detaching is what helped save ME which allowed me to come off to H as someone he wants to be with. Especially since you are the man. Women want a MAN. Show her you are strong. That is attractive to a woman. We don't want desperation.
It's only when I truly started to let go of my H that it caught his attention. Let her think as it is said around here - you've had an awakening and you are MOVING on with YOUR life!
I understand that, but it feels wrong, but I have to do it. Does detaching make yourself any more desirable? By detaching, do you up your chances for getting her back?
I'm sorry for sounding like a baby. She is paying to use a dating website, and I am afraid that she will meet someone that is going to sweep her off her feet. I mean, when we separated, she said she was not looking for anything, but then she started dating a week later. How a, I supposed to take that?
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
Thanks, I appreciate it. I would love to get a woman's point of view. I mean, I felt good today when I left after we had sex, not just because of the act. I did not stay and tell her that this what is should be and stuff like that. I just put on my clothes and left, after I kissed her on the head and told her I loved her.
It is such an emotional roller coaster. Earlier today, I forgot this part, I read her a letter letting her know that I know she needs space and that I did not want our marriage to end. I gave it to her after I read it, and left.
M-32 W-29 3D-12, 10, 8 Bomb Dropped 28 Jul 2014 She started dating 4 Aug 2014
You need to state some clear boundaries. You should NOT Be sleeping with her!
Come on this woman is on a dating site! Have more respect for yourself!
She is saying it's over and wants a divorce, she is on a dating site. You should no way be engaging her by sleeping with her
I may not be a 100% expert here but if you do not make some boundaries this woman will continue to walk all over you. Then she will not see you as a man. You need to be desired. Be mysterious.
Go out with friends, get a life, laugh, have fun.
Don't always be available for her calls or texts (unless it is pertaining to the children)
I'm sorry for sounding like a baby. She is paying to use a dating website, and I am afraid that she will meet someone that is going to sweep her off her feet. I mean, when we separated, she said she was not looking for anything, but then she started dating a week later. How a, I supposed to take that?
Yes, you kinda are (sounding like a baby). Stop that. Neediness is NOT attractive. If, in the above scenario, she met someone on there and left you over that? Then she wasn't a woman of quality that you would have wanted to be with anyway.
Use this time to get to know LOVEHER (heck, start with a new username -- it just SCREAMS co-dependent!! Something that is about YOU!). Get to know your core, non-negotiable beliefs. Do you know what they are???
Look, this is tough stuff -- I know, I went thru this. My wife of 47 and mother of our four children was having an affair with a 29 year old personal trainer. It was a KICK IN MY GUT, and it felt like a truck was sitting on my chest when I found out. I get it. But unless you snap out of this "woe-is-me" thing you've got going, you have ZERO CHANCE of saving your marriage, bro.
btw, I saved mine. What we are telling you WORKS. It's counter-intuitive, but let's face it -- your intuitive "instincts" are what landed you in the first place, right?
