Inside my chrysalis

[Maybell]

Don't ask if he has seen a lawyer, but you should, definitely. When I went I googled what to bring to my first appointment and had all my documentation laid out. If nothing else it kind of paints a picture in time of what your finances look like so that if anything funny happens down the road you'll have things documented. Don't tell your H you are doing this. You don't necessarily have to have a plan for what you want to do but if you bring your concerns to a lawyer you'll get good advice on the risks you face and how to protect yourself. Mine also was able to take my H's employment into account to suggest parent time. WRT to your possible future employment, let that take care of itself when you need to. My school has early care and after care programs that I didn't know about until I started looking into it. There are tons of resources.

I hate to say this but it might be worthwhile to ask your doctor for an STD screen, just to make sure your health is protected as well.

Address your concerns about your H's interests to your IC. Hopefully you have one? If s/he doesn't have suggestions, s/he will know how to direct you.

Hugs to you, Ss!!!

[LisaB]

Ss, as I said before this was the same situation with my previous ex. He was doing the craigslist hooker thing and I could not believe it! I don't think he actually met with any, as most of them are not real apparently. They are hoaxes. But whatever. I feel your pain.

You can heal from this, but he will have to repent and change. He has to decide to do this on his own. The best chance of that is you moving on with your life.

I am wishing you the very best of luck.

Hugs, Lisa

[Ss06]

oh man.

Interviews, resumes, school starting, "parental time", sex addiction, hookers, STD tests, 7 year old birthdays, lawyers, assets...

it's more than I can handle right now.

[Ss06]

H took d to work today. it's a long drive. they are on their way home and h texted me to let me know their ETA. I took a risk and asked if he was up for sushi with us to discuss meeting up and packing for our tiny trip to Disneyland over the next two days. here's how he responded:

H: Sushi? Tonight?
Me: No?
H: Sure, I'm in. It just caught me by surprise, that's all.
Me: Surprises are fun sometimes.
H: So come to the house or meet you there?
H: Actually, it would help to charge [the car].
Me: ok
H: So house first, then you drive??
Me: Yep
H: OK, tx.

Nothing earth shattering but I caught him off guard. Good?

[Ss06]

I still can't believe I did that... I've been in a slump all day on the verge of hating him and wanting to walk away myself.

I hate the ups and downs in my own head on top of the ups and downs he's bringing around.

[Joe1981]

Great job w/ that. Hopefully you were your awesome at, hottest, happiest self. Hopefully he left thinking about what he was losing.

Getting excited for Disney yet?

[pilot]

How did the sushi date go?

Believe me I get your frustration and feelings of wondering if R is even possible. I feel guilty because when I look at what you are going through, it really makes me seem petty to be complaining.

Hang in there!!!

[Joe1981]

Yeah, what pilot said. How'd sushi go?

[Ss06]

Sushi went great! Surprisingly well. We all had a great time and good food. I'm glad I made that gesture.

Back from Disney. It was a GREAT two days. D7 can ride the bigger rides now so it's much more fun for everyone. H and I were awesome both days. We worked together, laughed a TON and enjoyed the trip a lot. Even the tiniest touch or bump into each other was awkward and brought out a bunch of "oh sorry" or "excuse me" where before BD... ::sigh:: whatever.

Today is D's birthday, he hasn't called to wish her a happy birthday which confounds me but he's coming over at noon to take her over to his parents house for lunch. They don't know we're separated yet but I guess today is the day. I hate this for my daughter. We had two great days as a family at Disneyland and now we're back to the hell of reality.

Welcome to the worlds biggest overcompensating 7th birthday ever. $1500 Disney trip, $300 Wii system to be kept at H's apartment, $10,000 grand piano that H and I bought the first year we were married that he is now giving to her (she's very musical, she gets it from him) with a plaque on it saying that it's from him (never mind that we bought it together). H is also throwing together a last minute "party" with a few of D's friends and their families even though we said we wouldn't do that because we did Disney instead. So we're doing pizza, cake and whatnot at our community pool with 11 other people whom H invited YESTERDAY and are all now scrambling to make the time and buy a gift. I'm keeping my mouth shut but somehow H is still blaming me for the difficulties that are arising with planning this stuff.

I'm bitter. I'm tired of looking for tiny little signs that he wants me or wants to come home. It hurts that others see my situation and are grateful it's not theirs BUT that's life, I guess, right?

I want to escape and if it weren't for my daughter I would. I would pack up and file for divorce and not speak to him again. His actions hurt and then his lack of actions hurt.

He's not a hint getter or a hint dropper so why am I constantly looking for tiny signs that he's thinking about the future? I'm such an idiot.

[pilot]

ss06

Believe me I get your frustration, as I am sure many here do as well. It was kinda crappy how your H did all of that for D birthday after you both agreed not to do anything because of Disney. He really should leave your daughter out of all of this and not try to out do you in her eyes.

The only real way to get past all of the pain and frustration is GAL. And really detach and let go. I honestly think a WAS will not begin to look back at their S as long as they think they can continue their life knowing the S is a safe fall back option. Work on that a bit and I am positive it will help you feel better all around.

Best of luck to you!!