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feeling angry today. angry that I have been doing everything WAW wants as far as this D. Agreeing to it! settlement when i want R! Now wishing I was in my own home doing what I want. Ready to move forward. WISHING I could go dark now. Tired of the efforts to hold this marriage together on my own. Guess I am just feeling resentful for doing all of the DB and making such changes for me and not feeling noticed or important. Wondering IF and when WAW could possibly get out of her fog.
We had some friends of mine visit this weekend. Out of town guests with kids. I handled all cooking and cleaning. waiting on everyone hand and foot. WAW was chatty with everyone and seemed to enjoy herself. Lots of parenting talk and home decor, etc. After dinner, everyone worked their way to bed. I was left with friend and wife. Friends wife pulled me aside and said everything appeared fine. She cannot believe why my WAW wants out. I was told how great I looked, asked about my exercise and diet things. Genuinely impressed. Then she ask why my WAW would want to leave such a good husband. She could see all I had been doing. SHE NOTICED my 180's. My friend, after his wife went to bed mentioned he was driving in town and told his wife that he was wanting to talk to my WAW and tell her what a good father, great husband I was. That he had never seen a man love a woman as much as I have told him over the past few years. He feels sorry that she would leave behind a great husband and do this to the kids.
I was shocked. I asked him not to do that as she might get upset at him. I told him IF he wanted to let her know those things, it might be better received in an email or on the phone once he returns home. All I ask as that he be kind, which I knew he would. Thoughts? help


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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I get the same question everyday on the weekend. "Do you have plans today?" My answer is usually no, because I come up with things on a whim. So, it hit me last night. Although I make plans during the week to GAL, it is when they are in bed or after dinner, and yes even after work leaving her with everything to do. I thnk I need to GAL on the weekend more. I usually do something the past few months, but it is with the S3.5 and/orS10. I think leaving her with them might be better. One of her complaints back after BD was she never had time to go do things she wanted on the weekend, or time to just be home and read or have any kind of life. I went into 180 mode on that, however, the last few months I let her come and go. She always asks if it is okay if she goes. I find the asking weird. She is also whishy washy about going. "Can I go now or do you want me to wait until...?"
Again, as of late, I make no plans. I am just worn down. Although I do come up with things at the drop of a hat and just go.

Am I messing something up? Does anyone know why she is asking and doing these things?


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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Quote:
She always asks if it is okay if she goes. I find the asking weird. She is also whishy washy about going. "Can I go now or do you want me to wait until...?"


I am sorry to say that this is almost always a sign that there is OM in the picture. She is feeling guilty and that is why she asks if it is "okay" if she goes. She has also gone on a couple of "business trips" in the past couple of weeks. This is another sign of potential OM... Business trips....

The other signs are that no matter what you do she isn't willing to work on the relationship and you say she is wearing and then not wearing her wedding rings. If there wasn't someone else, she would have no reason to at least try to work on the relationship.

I have found that people in your position usually want to deny there is OM. I would bet that there is one. It is usually the case when they act like your wife is acting.


Justin Credible
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So doing one 80s I've been doing laundry and if my laundry load is small enough I grab hers or do S3 .5 laundry. I have been extra careful with her delicate clothes to make sure that they are drip dry and not thrown in the dryer I am prompt to remove them from the dryer as they don't wrinkle. I see her get very stressed with S3 .5. As part of detaching I do not interfere unless she asks me to or calls my name for help. She needs to see what it's going to be like with me not around. This morning he was being very rude to her and she was grabbing some of her laundry I had done. Taking out her frustrations on a shirt and trying to straighten the wrinkles out of it as it was drip dried. She tells me I no longer need to do her laundry. As sometimes if it's left in the dryer she has to rewash them or if they're left in the washer and they smell like mildew she has to rewash them. Funny thing is I think they've been left in the washer one time and I rewash them and I've been left in the dryer one time and I took care of it she has never had to lift a finger with those things in the past six months. If she has had to do that it was something of her own doing. So she asked that I not do her laundry anymore that she can take care of it after her complaint I said I don't think I've ever read your laundry if anything I've been extra careful to make sure I hang things that need to be drip dried or could be drip dried. I didn't said that is fine I will not do your laundry anymore. As I walked out of the room I said I simply grab your laundry if my load of laundry was too small to try and help out however I'm done with that I will not do it anymore. I then asked S3 .5 if he wanted to go with me and run some errands. He said no and she immediately said where are you going I told her I had some errands to run and then she followed with what when will you be back. I asked her when she needed me back and she said she was just asking for a time because she wanted to go to a store. I then asked S3 .5 one more time if you wanted to go with me he said no. She then asked him if he wanted to go with her and he said yes. So what she ended up with was having him go with her and she said it was no problem he said he didn't want to go with me and I was going out the door anyway. On the way out the door she was talking about something I assume she was talking to him however if she was talking to me I'm sure I'll catch attitude when I get home. She has created this distance and I am doing nothing but 180s and gal. Should she need to be upset I'm sure she's just as upset with herself as she has created the situation. Again I would appreciate any input on this thread or any comments it would be nice to see a vet again however thanks to everyone who comments.


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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You will have to excuse my grammar and or run on sentences as I speak most of these into the iPhone.

I also wanted to mention something that I did and said yesterday as part of my one 80s. While she was out I cleaned the kitchen from the guests we had had I washed all the sheets on the bed and put them away and cleaned every cabinet and handle in the kitchen as they started to look a little dirty. She walked in as she did the day before and said I smell vinegar with a smile in her voice.
She walked in and I told her that I had cleaned the kitchen cabinets. I would normally not point out what I do in order to 180 to get her attention however I let her know that I clean them because they hadn't been cleaned like that in a while and wanted to make it easier on her when she got ready to sell the home so she didn't have so much deep cleaning to do only surface stuff. I've tried to do some things to take care of the home while I'm still there that will benefit her later on. I know she sees it but I wanted to tell her I did that just so I could say when you get ready to sell the home. She said thank you and I told her there's no reason to thank me.
Am I blind because I'm in the situation or can anyone see anything in what I've written that makes any sense?


Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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I know you are trying, but what is up with all this housework?
Doing her laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and on and on and on... She wants pizza and you go out and buy things to MAKE pizza? What's up with that? Maybe she just wanted to order pizza. Why didn't you just say to her.. "good idea, I'll order, what do you want on it?".... Way too much bowing at her feet. Cleaning the cupboards to make it easier on her? What has caused you to think this way? Women don't respect a man when he is doing things just to win her and that is exactly how it is coming across. I doubt she really wants you to be Mr. Mom here. (hence the comment about doing her own laundry) I think you need to temper this down a bit...

It seems to me that you are coming across as doing all of this to please HER. It sounds like you have some role reversal going on here. You are doing mostly things that are usually feminine traits. What about the masculine type traits?
What masculine things are you doing?


I believe you are going way overboard on the housework. It looks as if it is all for her to see what a great guy you are. I think you need to put some focus on some masculine type activities or hobbies for yourself.


Justin Credible
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Originally Posted By: NewB3
You will have to excuse my grammar and or run on sentences as I speak most of these into the iPhone.


In which case NewB3, you should read the Siri Dictation Guide

What app do you dictate to? I was considering using my iPad to do the same.

What is her love language? I do masses of acts of service, it just comes naturally to me, when procrastination is held at bay. Keep busy, tidy up, fix stuff etc. None of it counts. She wants words of affirmation which I was useless at and she no longer wants to hear from me.

Last edited by Old Dog; 09/01/14 06:19 PM.

M: 57 / EW: 52
T: 21, M: 8
S: 18, S: 15
Bomb: 1 Jun 14
EA Aug 2014 I think
PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
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NewB3 Offline OP
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I find a lot of peace and knowledge here

Last edited by NewB3; 09/01/14 11:04 PM.

Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14
I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
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thanks NewB
I haven't found this before.


Me-45 W-44
S21, S18, D15
T-27, M-21
BD Jan 2014
PA revealed March 2014
In-house separation - April 2015
I filed - Aug 2015
She moved out Oct 2015
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Me neither. It's now one of my saved topics.
Thanks NewB3


M: 57 / EW: 52
T: 21, M: 8
S: 18, S: 15
Bomb: 1 Jun 14
EA Aug 2014 I think
PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
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