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Joined: Jun 2011
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DBinSF Offline OP
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She wrote:

Hey,

Have you already canceled my crunch membership? I figured you have, just wanted to double check. I want to join again but don't want to pay another initiation fee.

Thanks
Julia


I responded:

Hi Julia,

I had them either pause it or cancel it a few weeks ago when I inquired and they said you hadn't been using it. I'll see if I can have it reinstated when I stop in today, and we can figure out where to go from there. smile

Hope you're well,
Me


----------------

So, no major break throughs, but civil (and unnecessary) discourse...

- DB


Me: 39 - W: 35
Together: 2 years, no kids
My Affair: 1.5 years
Affair ended: 4/9/14
Affair revealed: 5/19/14
Last Contact: 8/2/14
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
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Don't over think it.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
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DBinSF Offline OP
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Posts: 172
I'm not. Thx, Maybell.


Me: 39 - W: 35
Together: 2 years, no kids
My Affair: 1.5 years
Affair ended: 4/9/14
Affair revealed: 5/19/14
Last Contact: 8/2/14
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
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DBinSF Offline OP
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Posts: 172
So, I just added her back to my account, and she said thanks and that she'd transfer it to her own. End of exchange.


Me: 39 - W: 35
Together: 2 years, no kids
My Affair: 1.5 years
Affair ended: 4/9/14
Affair revealed: 5/19/14
Last Contact: 8/2/14
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
D
DBinSF Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
Did I lose everybody?


Me: 39 - W: 35
Together: 2 years, no kids
My Affair: 1.5 years
Affair ended: 4/9/14
Affair revealed: 5/19/14
Last Contact: 8/2/14
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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DB,

That is good. Just short, simple exchange. Now back to working on YOU.

Joined: Apr 2014
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I would add... Put that exchange behind you. You are making too much of it. YOU may think it was unnecessary, but SHE doesn't. What she asked for was basically saving her a step because if she got the answer that she got she was going to have to reach out to you anyway. She didn't need to stop by the gym to ask a question that would have required her to get in touch with you either way.

This is precisely why you need to learn empathy as much as you can.

Is the book Emotional Intelligence on your reading list?


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
D
DBinSF Offline OP
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 172
Maybell, what I'm saying is, if she REALLY wants no contact, why would she break the silence for something so mundane? She didn't need to contact me at all over this. She could have spent the 5 minutes at the front desk asking about this if she wanted to.

Is this the Emotional Intelligence book you are referencing? http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Intelligence-Matter-More-Than/dp/055338371X


Me: 39 - W: 35
Together: 2 years, no kids
My Affair: 1.5 years
Affair ended: 4/9/14
Affair revealed: 5/19/14
Last Contact: 8/2/14
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
Yes, that's the Emotional Intelligence book.

If she really DIDN'T want no contact, she would have thanked you for your reply to her birthday note. Or she'd send you a note. Or like something on your Facebook page. Or ask a non-business related question.

I can guarantee you that she does NOT want to be reminded of your affair, no matter whether she wants full no-contact or if she wants to be casual about you being out of her life.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
Boy, DB! You just want her to fall at your feet and say, "Man, I made a mistake and I forgive you. Will you take me back?!"

Her reaching out with this so-called "mundane" stuff ins't good enough for you, uh? It's got to start somewhere...right? Yes? This isn't Notebook where you and the fiance stand close together kissing in the rain.

You and your marketing mindset are starting to bleed out here too. Sheesh!

This is real life, buddy.

BTW, Ms. Wonka did NOT contact me at all for 3 solid, dark months right after she moved out of the house with the OW.


Last edited by Wonka; 08/19/14 06:37 PM.
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