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Hoju Offline OP
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She told me last night she put in an application for an apartment and can move out as soon as september 1st. We are also going to sit down tonight to divide up the house and assets for the separation. I'm so lost I really thought she was noticing the changes i've been making. This is all becoming a reality and at such a rapid speed, she still seems really upset and guilty about the whole thing, i'm trying to continue to validate her feelings without supporting them, which is almost impossible.


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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We sat down last night and divided up all the assets, everything went really well.

When we were done and looking at our entire life split up on a single page my W broke down ran to her room and started crying for almost an hour. I took the time to go for run as she had closed her door i assumed she didn't want to see me.

I think I probably should have gone to console her, as that would be a 180. However, it also violates many of the rules. Often in our relationship I would simply ignore her when she would cry, I know it was wrong but when it was almost a daily occurrence and after so many years of trying to console her, I just became desensitized to it.


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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Need some advice.

Wife got an apartment and is leaving september 1st. I can't afford to carry the house for long by myself so we agreed to sell it. I know how much my W loves this house and if we can R I would like to still live here. Should I ask her if she feels there is any chance of us getting back together or just let her go and sell the house


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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Posts: 149
Could really use some advice i think if the house is gone and she's in her own apartment it's over. I don't think I have time to wait in hopes she changes her mind.


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
H
Hoju Offline OP
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Posts: 149
Can anyone offer any advice on if i should keep our house when W leaves in hopes of R? I can carry it for a bit by myself but it would eat into my savings.


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
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Hoju Offline OP
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 149
I think I'm going to break DBing and go for a hail mary pass. Time has run out and when she is gone in a week it's all over anyway.


Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Despite what you feel, it's not the end.

Your Hail Mary isn't going to work. You really need to have patience with this and it's seemed like from the beginning you are letting your fear dictate your actions rather than you controlling them.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Hoju Offline OP
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I don't think I was a good enough husband to really make her regret leaving, especially not this past year when I became depressed over the fertility issues. To add to that it's like she's changed over night from rushing to become a mother and starting a family, to wanting to become a 21 year old party girl.

Yes, I'm beyond horrified of losing her, I don't know how to live without her. Since I've been 18 my goal was to get through school, get a job, get a house and have kids. It's all we ever wanted, we had a lot of fun along the way, which i recently remembered after flipping through some old face book photos today. It's like having all my goals, my entire life and purpose for being, just ripped out from under me. I love her family and her friends, I absolutely love our house and cats, I loved being married and most of all I love her.

Despite all of that I've tried very hard to not let fear guide my decisions. Can you give me an example of where I'm letting fear guide my decisions? I'm not sure I truly know what it means.

Last edited by Hoju; 08/22/14 07:45 PM.

Me 28 W 27
T 10 M 2
No kids (fertility issues - mine)
Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed
W moved out 9/15/14
W dating OM 11/22/14
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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Member
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Posts: 12,602
" Can you give me an example of where I'm letting fear guide my decisions?"

Here.

"I think I'm going to break DBing and go for a hail mary pass. Time has run out and when she is gone in a week it's all over anyway."


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
Hoju, I am in a very similar situation. I am sorry you are going through this. All I can really add to the conversation is that what you feel today is not what you will feel tomorrow. Do whatever you have to do to get both books, DB and DR. I have learned that I really have to think through what I am going to do or say before I do it. Making big changes is very hard to do, and any knee jerk reaction is probably going to be the old you, not the new you.
Start doing 180s for yourself. Making changes for yourself will begin to build your self esteem and is the first step to becoming the person your W will want to be with.

Last edited by bdub; 08/23/14 01:09 PM.

M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
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