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Today might have been my most focused and efficient day at work this year – unfortunately it contained a lot of issues with a major and very important client. Hopefully I will be able to solve this next week.

This afternoon W texted
“Hi. I just wanted to hear how the rest of the girls first week at school/kindergarten went. Have a nice weekend.”

Instead of just texting back as I have done for the last year or so, I called her and we had a very good talk about the Ds first week and some of our observations in general. W shared some issues she has with MIL about MIL saying things to the Ds that W doesn’t like. We talked about D5s need to be with W and D7s wish to be more at my place.
W asked about the karate and said that if D7 is to be more at my place maybe we should wait to cancel the karate since the shifting days might change soon.
We talked about missing alone-time with the children and a little about not having the time to focus on D7s math….just all kind of small issues. The talk was pleasant, nice, without interruptions – just two adult communicating in a pleasant way.
Felt good – talk lasted half an hour.

We didn’t agree to anything but to continue the talk next Thursday. I told W that I have taken the day of so I have the time necessary.

My children are here for the weekend – yipeee smile
Next week I have a session at shrink, the meet up with W, session at personal trainer about my training goals for the year to come, bikeride with a good friend, planned a session at the local tri-club and hopefully I can work more on my work-focus.
Some week!

I feel good these days! I feel good! laugh


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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Nice!!! I can feel your PMA through your words!

a tri-club huh? you're a triathlete? I'm a swimmer. There aren't many of us. wink


M: 37 H: 36
M: 13 T: 18
D: 7
Bomb: 6/30/14
Separation: 8/11/14

Be strong enough to let go and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
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Quote:
I (once again) told W about my issues with Wednesday and also the timing on this one. We have been over this before on several occasions. She blamed me and told me that I never wanted to take the children to anything. This time I asked her why she says things like this since I do not recall stating this and that I have taken Ds to many things. I also had to state my boundaries once again – I need to get firmer on these


How did you word the boundary statement?

Was it Karate that your D enjoyed so much, or was it just another activity your W had enrolled her in? The reason I asked both of these questions is that you are wanting W to realize the affects of the divorce in the children, and at the same time it appears they are being yanked around from activity to activity b/c you want their Wednesdays to be free. (When you said you parents would have to find another activity for the kids to do, did you mean on Wednesdays?).

Now I am not suggesting you break your personal boundaries, but remember they are to protect you.....and not intended for the purposes of controlling her. And I am just needing a little refreshing about which boundary you were referring to, and why or how will you be "firmer"? Just a little confused how this relates to the Wednesday activities. However, I do remember the conversation about her not scheduling activities for the girls when she knows it will be on "your time" with them.

When you reacted with the "damn it" text, did she know you were not blaming her for the school rescheduling the Karate classes? Or did misunderstand and she was switching days b/c the school gym wasn't open on the usual days for Karate?

I really said all of that to tell you I am happy to hear that things seem to continue on a positive note between you and W. Where I usually have to remind the LBHS to be careful about certain issues for them, I feel that I need to remind you how you may need to make adjustments from time to time....according to the stage of the R. Make sense? That why I asked you in other posts if you really wanted to reconcile or not. Perhaps this is a completely different topic than what you are referencing about getting firmer with your boundary. I just wasn't sure.
smile





It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ss06 #2479903 08/17/14 04:48 AM
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Sunday morning 5AM.
Woke up in the tent in the garden with the children around me and my ducks (Christmas dinner) drinking dew on the canvas – beautiful morning. Rainy but beautiful.

I find myself thinking a lot about the workissues from Friday and that is good – means motivation and focus is there!
Most of all I find myself thinking about the talk I will have with W next Thursday.

Yesterday was a splendid day. Children and I went to a play-land and fooled around for some hours and afterwards we visited neighbors. The W is back home. That’s good!


Sandi,
Originally Posted By: sandi2
How did you word the boundary statement?
I do not recall my actual words but I remember feeling very much in doubt if this boundary is right. After the convo I called a friend (Married to one of Ws BFF) who is a educated and skillfull NLP coach and asked if he would help me sort out my thoughts.
I told him that I felt in doubt, then I went through the logistics of the Wednesday with karate and told him about my experiences with the Ds hurting on shifting days. It took 5 min and he replied something like: I do not hear any doubt in you and all though I never give my personal opinion when coaching, this time I will say to you that you shouldn’t. Sometimes parent’s have to make hard decisions to do what is best for their children

That did it for me so after this I texted W about the Wednesdays.

This boundary is NOT to protect me in anyway – it is to protect the Ds. They need this day off. They need to get settled in at my place. This might change with time but for now it stands – I have told W this with exactly these words several times.
It seems like (this is mindreading) that when the boundary is stated on a time where it actually influences something at hand W gets upset but then she comes to terms with it in a week or two. Same this time – at first she gets angry but then she either just lives with it or gives it a thought and then finds it reasonable. IDK!

Originally Posted By: sandi2
Was it Karate that your D enjoyed so much, or was it just another activity your W had enrolled her in? The reason I asked both of these questions is that you are wanting W to realize the affects of the divorce in the children, and at the same time it appears they are being yanked around from activity to activity b/c you want their Wednesdays to be free..
D7 started at music in spring (on Thursdays) but wanted to change just before holiday and do karate with a friend. W was against this – I thought it to be great after I heard the times. She is not being yanked around due to the Wednesday-boundary
This is not due to me wanting W to realize the affects – this is what is best for the children at the moment. Remember that the (hard) logistics on a Wednesday with karate will hit D7 AND D5 since I will have to take D5 along.

Originally Posted By: sandi2
When you said you parents would have to find another activity for the kids to do, did you mean on Wednesdays?
No (off course not wink ) - I meant for us to find another activity and hopefully something like Karate but on another day than Wednesday.


Originally Posted By: sandi2
Now I am not suggesting you break your personal boundaries, but remember they are to protect you.....and not intended for the purposes of controlling her. And I am just needing a little refreshing about which boundary you were referring to, and why or how will you be "firmer"?
I do remember and this is exactly why I get the doubts – I fear that some little devil inside me has put this boundary to control W and convinced me that it is to protect my children (hopes this comes out understandable). That’s why I posted the boundary here in the spring to get advice, I had a long talk with my shrink and I have discussed it with friend earlier as well. This little devil has been there all the way through since BD so this feeling is familiar.
The boundary is rather simple “I will ensure that wednesdays (or shifting day) has to be a happy, stress-free day/evening for the Ds”.
The “firmer” much applies to me. I get in doubts when W challenges me with things like “You never wanted to take children to anything” or “Can’t you see how much you will hurt D7”. I need to believe in this simple boundary and then choose a time (every quarter, half-year or likewise) to evaluate it, instead of getting doubts whenever it is challenged.
Therefore the firmer also applies to when I communicate this boundary to W. I simply need to communicate this as I did in the text after the talk with my friend.

Yes, I also have a boundary of W not making decision on my time with the children without enrolling me. She is more than welcome to make suggestions but no decisions – this boundary came when she singlehanded decided (and informed D7) that she should take music lessons on my time.

Originally Posted By: sandi2
When you reacted with the "damn it" text, did she know you were not blaming her for the school rescheduling the Karate classes? Or did misunderstand and she was switching days b/c the school gym wasn't open on the usual days for Karate?
As I have interpreted her answers and sayings (and I am pretty sure I am right) she understood it as intended – that there is NO blame towards her.


Originally Posted By: sandi2
I really said all of that to tell you I am happy to hear that things seem to continue on a positive note between you and W.
Means a lot, Sandi!
I have absolutely no idea where W is standing at the moment. She is high PMA whenever I see her, painting her house, seeing friends and just seem to be doing good. She seems to be happy!


Originally Posted By: sandi2
Where I usually have to remind the LBHS to be careful about certain issues for them, I feel that I need to remind you how you may need to make adjustments from time to time....according to the stage of the R. Make sense? That why I asked you in other posts if you really wanted to reconcile or not. Perhaps this is a completely different topic than what you are referencing about getting firmer with your boundary. I just wasn't sure.
As you already know I am a slow learner smile It takes time for me to understand the terms and the issues but I feel that I do understand the “tweaking on the 37” and the “bending a little towards W” now and furthermore that I have started to do it. I still have to remember myself to do this before answering a text or a call or before entering her house and likewise, but I believe I am doing it.
I do understand why you (and others) asked if I really wanted R. Case is that I know now that, in time, I will be perfectly happy without W – I will get there in time! That shines through in my posts here but certainly also when talking to friends or W. I am not in anyway sure if W knows I want to try to R.
I am at a place where I am not certain I want R simply because I don’t know W anymore, I don’t know if we match, I don’t know how she would want to live our life together – I don’t know anything for certain but this:
I want to give us the chance to R because I believe there is a chance it might work out and because I am 100% that if it works out it will be great for the two of us and especially for the children.
W and I would have to start all over again by falling in love. I feel like it is W or nobody at the moment. Either we R or I stay single for a long time - not because of her but because I am feeling good being single.

Does this make any sense at all?
Some of the topics in here are hard for me to discuss in english

Do you have any advice for me on the meet-up and evaluation talk that is scheduled with W next Thursday?

Thanks Sandi - as always I cherish value your words and thoughts highly smile


Ss06,
Originally Posted By: Ss06
Nice!!! I can feel your PMA through your words!

a tri-club huh? you're a triathlete? I'm a swimmer. There aren't many of us. wink
Thanks sS06. PMA is definitely good these days – but as we all know it comes and goes. This is not linear but I am feeling better and better smile We all will in time no matter what happens – take the time needed and DBing will work its job!

I took up Tri after NewYear and I am very happy with it. It’s challenging and it gives me the exercise. Swimming is still not that good but it is on the schedule through winter where the bike will be resting wink


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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Texted a little back and forth this morning with W about a missing sleeping bag. Nothing to it – all amicable and nice.

W called later and asked if I had the talk with D7 about karate Wednesday. I told that I haven’t due to W and me agreeing for me to wait until after our talk Thursday this week.
Then she started suggesting new solutions and telling me – once again – that it is not fair that the children can’t have any activities.
I stood my ground this time and told her very calm that I do not want to have this discussion once more over the phone. I told her that if she wants it we can take it face to face Thursday.

She still kept coming. Told me how hard it will be to tell D7. How sad this is. How much it hurts herself and the Ds….and so on! I told her that I understand her thoughts and that I share many of them.

W then tried to start a talk about changing the shifting days and asked about my thoughts on this and if I had any favorites. I told her that I haven’t got any favorite solutions, but that I have some wishes and I expect her to have the same.
W: “I am all ears. I do not have any more children that have to be counted in so for me it doesn’t matter.”
Me: “I haven’t made any decisions. I have wishes but I have tried not to get too specific before the two of us talked”
W: “Well, why don’t we just try the karate and then see how it works out. I believe these things will change all the time”
She kept going and at one point I said something like “This has effects on the children’s life” to which she replied “Well, that where the two of us disagrees”.
She said things like “It will be difficult to get all this to work and now the girls will have different shifting days as well and in short time D5 might also want to attend something and then there’s a new problem”

At the end we agreed to wait with any decisions until Thursday.
I stayed totally calm. I listened and agreed too much of what she said but also stood my ground.

The talk lasted for 10 min.
She called back 10 min later
She started with: “What if D7 attends karate when she is with me?”

Then it all started over again but this time even more calm and nicely. I stood my ground, tried to explain that this situation is “normal” for D-children, that W can make her decisions when children are at her place and so on..
I told her that I will always try to do what is best for the children also when this is a tough decision.
After I said this she stated that a decision like this might be that D7 should not be more with me. I told W that I totally agree to her perspective. That it is our responsibility to act as responsible parents.
She then said that she is not even sure that she wants D7 more at my place. I told her that if that is her stand on this I will respect it.

She ended up by saying that she doesn’t know what to do about all of this. I told her that I understand why and suggested her to take some hours and think it through.

Second talk lasted 20 min. I was even calmer than in the first.

When I compare the two talks today with talks about the same subject some months ago it is a totally new world. I find myself reacting totally different, I do not feel any anger, I know where I stand, I feel at peace with the current situation, I listen to and understand Ws POV, I say the same things but the words and tone are new. I have lots of wishes about Ds time here, R and so on – but it is wishes and nothing I crave badly anymore.
W is also coming out very differently. There was no anger or spew today.
She argued her POV, told about her thoughts and feelings – all in a nice tone. Some months ago a talk like this made her angry and spewing.
We both have a little blaming. I point at the D-decision and she point at my boundary about shifting days to be the reason for this happening to the girls.

I do hope our talk on Thursday can be conducted in the same manner.


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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I had a good talk with shrink Tuesday. She told me – once again – how good I am doing. “Are you actually aware that you have been doing this way for several months now, Fartiltre?”
Good talk…I will continue down this path of mine.

TALK WITH W
Today I met up with W as planned and we talked for 5 hours. Long talk – time simply vanished!
All was pleasant and nice. The first hour was just smalltalk about work and so and after this W pulled out a calendar and we talked about planning the next year. That stopped and we changed the subject to D7 wanting to spend more time at my place
I can’t remember all we talked about but here is the headlines.


D7
W told me she has been thinking a lot and that she can’t make up her mind.
I grabbed this opening and told her that this is the exact way I have felt so often and that is the reason for me to ask for a little time to think. Earlier on she has been very mad at me for this but today we had a good talk and she understood my POV. We laughed a little about her getting so angry when I have asked for thinking-time and then doing the exact same thing herself

W told that she was very hurt by D7s request. I understand why, I would have felt the same way – and I told her so. We then had a good talk about focusing on the children’s needs and not our own. I believe that W has looked at me as one that focuses entirely on his own needs until recently and that she – today – changed that view. I actually believe that she tried to see things from my perspective today.

We agreed on me having one more day with D7 every second week and then some unscheduled days as well. I am very happy with this solution and W seemed to be as well.
I fear that S11 won’t be because over the past half year he has loved the days he and I spend alone. Therefore I told W that I will give the agreement a thought and have a short talk with S11 before I decide finally.


FRIENDS
W wants to be friends. ”I know you told me last year that we can’t be friends but I do not want to be your enemy.” I told her that we will never be enemies, that I only wish her the best, but also that we can’t be friends. She then argued that there are many levels of friends to which I agreed and then left it hanging.


SHIFTINGDAYS
We had a short talk about the days where we pick up the Ds at the others place, attend something and then drop them off again. W now thinks I am right in this being hurtful to the Ds so we agreed that this has to stop.


ROUGH YEAR
W told me how hard the last year has been for her. She cried when telling about not knowing what to do, about being sad, about her feelings for the Ds, about feeling lost, about not knowing anything about the future, about the loss of family and dreams…many things.
I simply listened and validated her feelings.
She has a clear picture of me doing very very good. I told that I am but that I have been through many of the feelings that she described and that I can very much relate to them.

She told me that before she moved out she had it all planned. She told me she had a clear picture of what kind of XH and father I would be and then said “but none of what I expected happened”
She told me – some directly and some in between the line – that I am doing great, that her friends are very impressed with both of us….and so on.


I TAKE THINGS FROM W
W feel that I have taken things from her. My friendships with “her friends” Hs, one of her friends, my relations to neighbors (She lived at our house before me), things I do and so. I told her that I understand (and I certainly do) why she feels this way. She told me that I pop up all around in her life because I am doing so many things. She told me that she stays away from certain places and people because I go there.
Before I said anything she continued…”but then I ask myself. What would I have done if I were you….and I would have done the exact same thing. I would build social relations in the local community as you do”
I assured her that I was not out to take anything from her – I am only trying to give things to me. She understood. I also asked her about her visits at “my friends” and her coffe date at my brother and SIL – I believe that put things into perspective.
Never the less – she have this feeling.

She told me that I do so many things with the children that none is left for her…she feels like it is a competition but she doesn’t want to feel that way. Once again I told her that I understand and continued with telling her about all the things she does.
We agreed on this not being any kind of competition – just two parent doing different things and with two different perspectives on the matters.

She told me that going skiing with the children is her idea and when she heard that I was going this year she thought “Now, that as well”. She told me about wanting to go to the movies – but I had already been there.


I DO TO MUCH / DO I EVER RELAX
W still has this picture of me dragging the children from here to there and doing things all the time. I told her what we have been up to and that her picture is not exact. I told her about my goal of doing one thing out of the house every time Ds are here and how well it works for us.
We had a good talk about this – I told her that I have the opposite opinion; that she does things all the time.
Case is that we might both be right and wrong smile


SPORTS / ACTIVITIES / SHIFTING DAY
Once again we addressed the issue with the shifting day. The talk was nice this time.
I used many words and tried to explain my POV on this one and I believe W understood a little more this time.
I told her that we view this from two different perspectives. I do not see how the girls act at her place and opposite. I call from what I see at my place and she does the same. She agreed and told me that she is working on accepting that she can’t call things when Ds are at my place. I told her that she is right but that I will always listen to advice from her concerning the Ds – as long as she tells me them in a proper manner.


ANGER
I brought up her anger-issues. (She gets very angry when I decide other that what she thinks is best.)
I told her that I get so sad when she attacks me with things like “Don’t you want what is best for the girls”. I actually started crying while I told her. (The feelings just hit me and I normally never cries.)
I told her that I have one goal and that is to do what is best for the girls so her saying the opposite hurts like he77. She totally understood. She agreed and she apologized.
I told her that it has gotten better over the past two months or so but also that I hope she will keep on working on this.


EXPLAINING TO THE Ds
W have been trying to explain to D7 why adults split up and I believe that is soooo wrong. I told her nicely today and she didn’t understand but when I explained to her that D7 tells D5 in her words why split-ups occur W listened and understood.
I told W that we should stick with our old explanation (none) and if she needed help on this I suggested her a child book about the subject.
She gladly accepted and understood my POV


CHILDSUPPORT
She asked if us changing D7s days at my place would mean that I would apply for a cut in childsupport. I told I wouldn’t for now, but that this might change in the future.


D7 CLOTHING AND WEIGHT
We had a long talk about D7 being boyish in her clothing and about her having a belly.



The talk was nice, calm and pleasant all the way through. No anger shown at all and not one harsh word. When I cried W took my hand and when she started crying the second time I did the same.
She still seems gone. She talks in absolutes: “The girls will have to live with this for the rest of their lives”, “It might be that it is better with two parents in a home, but I am sure that this is not the case about us”
She sees the changes in me as everyone else.
She is still wearing jewels from me
No hug on arrival but a big one when I left
Still no signs of any OM

I felt relaxed and honest all the way through. My listening and validation skills are on a totally new level in general and I am pleased with that. Validation is easy when you understand.
I totally understand her feelings and thoughts and I understand why she wonders WTH is going on about friends and stuff I do. I have done that for a long time but it seems like she is getting an understanding of me as well.

I feel like I am in control of me and the situation. I communicated my POV on some matters that prior to this led to W being angry. Today she understood.
She still views my stand on the shifting day as wrong but she understand my POV – otherwise she actually agrees with my POVs. Makes me think “WOW” – time, patience and a little added communication skill certainly makes a difference.

I have no clue if this is a step towards or away from possible R but I am 100% certain that this is a MAJOR positive in regards of co-parenting. W ended up suggesting that we schedule a talk like this in November so we did.
Since I had no expectations when I entered I feel good smile

I am seeing me, W and the world in a totally new light these days. It feels great!
I still want R (perhaps even more after today) but I will be fine!

(I do know the above contains a lot of mindreading but this is my interpretation of the talk)


After the talk I had a session with my tri-coach and then a good run in the forest!

Splendid day:)


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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I actually see it as a positive step. I think it was a very well job done by both of you.

The only comment I have to make is about the following statement:

Quote:
W wants to be friends. ”I know you told me last year that we can’t be friends but I do not want to be your enemy.” I told her that we will never be enemies, that I only wish her the best, but also that we can’t be friends. She then argued that there are many levels of friends to which I agreed and then left it hanging.


Sounds as if she thinks a person has to be an enemy of friend....and there's no in between. I know I harped about not being her buddy when she first left you. B/c she wanted to have all the benefits of family time, without the commitment of the MR. She wanted everything on her terms and had a fantasy about how the D would really play out. However, she admitted it certainly was not that way in reality. And, I feel it would help her begin thinking about a possible R if the two of you were better friends(at least, stop telling her she can't be your friend b/c she thinks it means--enemy).

Since there is no OM, and since you do want to reconcile, and since she is seeing things better now.....I believe you have reached the point where you can afford to be more flexible in this area.

I would not make a discussion about it, nor even a statement...but just start slowly increasing the level of friendship. You've been doing so for a while now, anyway. smile

Do you understand (b/c I know it's important to you to understand these things about the process) why it was important not to fall into that position of "friend" when first she was "discarding" you as her mate.....and how friendship can be permissible at a later time (for some couples)? You both had things to learn, and now have reached a different level (I think) in this process of getting back together.

I encourage you to not push it, and to see this as your opportunity to shine. Let her see first hand (and closer up) how well you have developed into a new & better man. Eventually, it will lead to dinners and time together without the kids, hopefully.

While I don't want to confuse anyone about where I stand on the issue of friendship with the WAW, I do want to make it clear that I believe there are cases when there have been no waywardness in the behavior of the WAW (other than her leaving)and sufficient time has passed that a certain level of friendship is possible. As long as you understand that there is a risk that your heart could be broken and disappointed if there is no desire for reconciliation on her part. There is always a risk to some degree in relationships.

I do believe it will help soften the strain between the two of you. It may be quite helpful in keeping her anger under control. wink


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Sandi,

When I wrote the last post I had a hard time translating my native into english. In my native tongue we have the words friend and enemy but we also have a word for not-friend. I looked up this word and the direct translation is enemy. The word not-friend is more like two people that doesn’t like eachother, they don’t necessarily wants to hurt each other but they avoid each other.
When W said she didn’t want to be enemies she used the not-friend word and not enemy as a war enemy or somebody else you want to hurt. It is so hard sometimes to get these translations right and I fear the enemy-word might cause some issues.
I didn’t hear W telling me she wants to be buddies (good friends) but I heard her saying she wants more than we have had.

I do get your points about getting friendlier and as you write I have changed my path towards one where I am friendlier. I will keep on this until it has to change again.
I like this – it is easier for me to be friendly. I still leave her all the space she wants but I do not end the convos as quickly and I share more of my life as well as I ask about hers.
…so yes, I believe I understand what I have to do from here! As usual I do not entirely understand why and why now, but I have learned that the full understanding of these steps normally comes to me when I start taking them.
I totally understand why I needed to go down the road of not being friends. It gave W, and even more important me, the time needed to figure out who we are. It healed a lot of the hurt and now enables both of us to communicate as adults. This would not have been possible without a long period of time apart.

I will take it slow from here. I need myself in this process and time has shown me that time is a friend in these matters. I am at a happy spot these days and I am not missing anything right now. I do want to share with W if possible but I will be fine without as well.
– so patience is rather easy these weeks/months.

I do know that R is not in any way certain and that I might get hurt – but I will risk that and more gladly. W is worth it and so are my children’s happiness.

I am glad you see the talk today as a positive and I do hope you will keep following and advising me on this journey.

As always, Sandi – Thanks a million for all your caring and support!

P.S. Today it is exactly one year ago I followed another advice from you and told W that we could not be friends and I started LRT/Dim/whatever-I-should-call-it. I am so glad I followed your advice. It saved me!!! smile
But OMG!! A year!!! Time flies (when having fun crazy)!!!


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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Since the talk with W Thursday there have been no interactions at all between me and W - I believe that to be normal. I have been thinking very much about W and Ds.
I guess this is a normal reaction to a talk like the one we had but unfortunately I feel less detached than before the talk.
I have been busy as he77 but still W manages to take up brain-time. I find myself trying to mindread, I miss more than usual, I wonder how she perceived our talk and so on – so in some funny way I feel like I have been set back some months when it comes to detachment.
I am certain that I will quickly get back to normal me and be able to get W out of my head again.

I miss my children and I am looking forward to having more time with D7 than I have been used to.


Me:44 W:43
D7, D5 (S11 from other R)

T: 8y - not M
ILYB: 8. Mar 2013
W moved: 1. Aug 2013
LRT: 20. Aug 2013
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Good move on your part not to initiate contact for a few days. However, I think it would be fine to initiate a contact. The kids may be your excuse to make contact, but you can work into the conversation a more personal interest about her. Not too much, but a little. Ask about her week or weekend. That sort of casual talk that most casual friends do. It is not over personal.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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