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I'm with them GB. You may even need, depending on H's reaction to what you say, to put something in the final decree about keeping the kids away from a predator! You just can't count on the MLCer to do the right thing!

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Thanks everyone. There is nothing that can be written in as it's kind of a fuzzy legal (at least here) as he was not charged. I believe there were civil suits.

Thanks for the advice. Will figure it out :-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Well folks. I need to realize you can't have a conversation with h....right now.....perhaps ever.

He asked when we were going to start the everything other Saturday night thing. I said I was open to suggestions he said a date and I said that's fine. I do *realize* you can't have a conversation over text. However, I thought I would perhaps lay a little foundation? Probably a bad move. See below:

Me-h, the safety and well being of the children is our top priority. I hope that we both consider things carefully before introducing them to new people.

H-what are you implying? When the children are under my care, they are my ONLY concern and OUR children will NEVER be introduced to *NEW* people.

M-great! That's nice to hear.

And that's all for now. H doesn't pay any attention to the children when he's around them (this isn't mind reading-it's overt ). I assume him saying they are his only concern when he has them makes him feel better. He never looks up from his phone per the children. Not to mention how ridiculous it is to assume the children will never meet new people. I have a very difficult time communicating with crazy so I must rethink how to approach this.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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It is a shame that there is nothing legal you can do . Since subtle suggestions are lost on him you will have to be direct. "I know the allegations against your gf father and do not want our children spending time with him. Can we talk about how this may work."

I realize that in his current state that may be useless but if there is no legal routes.. the lawyer said there was nothing? ?

Can you say you want to meet new people before the kuds do?


Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15
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Hi Georgia!
Why is it their first thought is "What are you implying....."! They always seem to think that we are saying something bad about them or "implying" that they are somehow doing something "wrong". It seems like no matter what you say it's an insult. I remember saying to my W that I wish she could get home in time to have dinner with the kids more often and a week later my W says I called her a "bad mother"! Uh? I'm willing to bet she remembers it that way. When I said it she probably heard those words and not the words I used.

The defensiveness is a sure sign that he KNOWS that what he said is a load of CR@p! Man, this whole MLC, D, end of R, etc. would be so much easier if the MLCer could just have enough decency to do what is right at least where the kids are concerned! Amazing what MLC does to S's that at one time were really good parents!

Not sure how but I really think you have to find a way to get across to him he can't have the kids around this guy. It won't be easy but it is too important to just ignore.

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And I never want you guys to miss a good laugh. H was going to take D to a movie last night (girlfriends classes have started back:). He asked if I was almost home. I texted traffic was bad and would be there in 15 minutes. When I got home, h had made himself a snack and was lying on the couch watching tv.

Excuse the snark. However, if I'm so terrible and have ruined his life, why is he eating my cookies? Crazy. Happy Friday eve!!!:)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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Hi Georgia,
Just like my W coming over when I'm not there without even bothering to tell me. The last time the only reason I knew was because my D14 called to tell me because she felt it was the right thing to do! Here is my 47 year old W and her "step-mother" (OW that broke up her parents marriage) rummaging through MY home and it took a 14 year old to figure out they shouldn't do so without my permission! Her father and his OW from 30 years ago have never come out of their MLC's. All this time and they STILL act like spoiled children!

I don't know, Georgia, I think you should have asked him to pay for the cookies! You can't afford to feed an over grown teenager. You know how much teenager eat! It gets really expensive... smile

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Matt,

If it were those divine Samoa cookies that the Girl Scouts sell, I think I would have not been as cordial as I am:-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,922
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I know this sounds crazy and it's difficult for me to admit. However, sometimes I'm almost (I'm not sure that's he appropriate word) grateful this happened. I never wanted my family torn apart. I had no idea this would EVER happen. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with my h. This totally blindsided me and I'm pretty gosh-darn intuitive. Every once in a while...when I least expect it, I just know this happened for a reason. Not sure why yet.

It's horrible and I feel terrible for the people who join. I can't describe it. It's this feeling of something more? Or different ? Can't quite put it into words. It sounds weird.

Last edited by Georgiabelle; 08/21/14 08:01 PM.


3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,987
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You are probably a better version of yourself without him around.

I have had moments where I have felt the same. I also have begun to look forward to meeting the next man in my life


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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