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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2480166&page=1

They say 8 is great. Hoping this 8th thread brings all kinds of good excitement :-) Come and join me on the MLC Megacoaster Observation Deck.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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I hope 8 is great, too!

I'll be there to meet you on the observation deck AS SOON AS I CAN GET OFF THIS RIDE FROM HE//!!!!!

And after I throw up a few times, too. sick

Meanwhile, enjoy the view, take pics, and I'll be waving to you from the hills.

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Hey...I see your H right behind Bigfoot over there! Didja see it??!! Over THERE!!

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These kind of rides make me sick too...

But I'll watch from the little camera thingy they have by the waiting line.
Maybe there will be a funny photo of Shining puking at some point!

Around and around they go, and where the barf lands, nobody knows!

(Although we have a pretty good idea, don't we?)


Can't wait to find out what's behind Door #3!

Is it a new Yugo or a trip to Spain?

--GGG


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



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About what your D9 said from last thread...my D19 has told me that as soon as her mom is gone for a while and the "fun" of getting her new place all set up and getting all the attention from her friends and co-workers, she is going to regret what she has done. She is going to find out that "happiness" isn't about where you live, it's about what you do, the decisions you make. Pretty deep stuff from a girl who just got out of HS a couple months ago! I am so very proud of my D's. They are turning into excellent adults sooner than I imagine they expected to need to.

We are all going through so much on here. So much pain, so much disbelief (at least at first), so much betrayal and craziness. In the end, it's the kids that are the biggest "victims" of MLC. In my W's case, knowing what I do about what most likely caused her crisis (her fathers abandonment when she was only 10), I can't help but think that it's just a continuation of bad choices made by others long ago and that somehow, someway the cycle has to come to an end. It's like my FIL not only destroyed his own family but mine as well. I pray every day that their mothers choices don't destroy my D's families as well.

What I'm going through is hard, it hurts some days and a little less others but it's what my D's have been and are being put through every day that is the biggest tragedy of all that our S's are doing. When we have kids we make a promise. We promise to put their needs ahead of our own, to make sacrifices at least until they are able to live on their own. When a M/F is in MLC, they can't think about what is best for anyone else, not even their own children. This, at least for me, is the biggest thing about my sitch that will be hard to forgive and forget, whether my W wakes up later or not. Of course they are the biggest reason that I have for moving forward, with or without my W. It's up to me to break the cycle in the hopes that my D's won't have MLC's of their own some day. Some days, it's the only thing that keeps me going.

OK, that's enough of the serious stuff! Time to get in a better mood!

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Hoping eight is great!
I'm going to get off the ride and just watch the MLC show! I will be there close by in case my real H shows up.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Hey GB, moving right along aren't we!! 8 threads, wow, time flies doesn't it! You're going to be at a year in 4 months, me in 5 - seems like so much longer. I'm hoping that after the year anniversary it is an easier ride. I'm off the roller coaster but it still crosses my mind often enough. I love how you dropped the rope cirque de soleil style! this is a creative learning experience for all smile keep up the good attitude


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
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Hi DBers! (It's better than being referred to as the other dbs, right?). I just read a post Sandi made on another thread and it struck a chord with me.

I have referenced wondering if my h could ever really make changes. I think my changes have been fairly subtle, however they have given me a sense of peace. I know at BD, you are supposed to evaluate what was legitimate and make changes to those for yourself. I think I've shared that I really thought my we only had a SSM so when my h started listing some of his other complaints, although I did not see them that way (I didn't support him- and I paid 90% of our bills. And I was fine with that because someone could pick the kids up or stay home with them when they were sick. When he had an idea, I helped him research and told he told me what I would need to do to get it off the ground). I realty was okay with that. I thought that was what he wanted. However, to a very sensitive person with clinical depression I did not do a good job of seeing that EVERYTHING was hard for him. I always thought I was rather compassionate and perhaps that was something I could have done better. I should have spoken up about how my resentment was building because I literally did everything work, kid and housework wise with the exception to picking kids up from school. That's why when my h moved out, things seem more relaxed and I'm more relaxed than before.

I don't blame my h for his mental illness. I cannot imagine being him -he hated everything. Life is dark and although he's supposedly in love and happy he left, he still says the days are so dark. I tried to help so very many times. I simply loved him and did not want to have sex with him because I was very resentful and exhausted. I should not have allowed myself to get there. I should have spoken up and I did not. I know he felt *unloved * and * undesired*. In my mind, I did not think my h could handle my complaints. I dunno. And I admit, that as soon as h got a job (10 minutes from our house no less) I would have been thrilled for him. He said I was expecting him to be fired. However, he says that he has to watch himself because he used to yell at his boss and coworkers and he tries not to so he won't get fired. But it was like he was blaming me for getting fired on the past and that's ridiculous. . I don't know. For the last 5 years, he worked a total of about a year and a half.

Sometimes I feel like I could have done more, although I had no idea how to *work* on some of these things. Just rambling.

Happy to see some potential reconnections. Wishing everyone the best:-)



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 342
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GB - my exH was a lot like that - I too did almost everything and resentment does build up and I didn't voice anything either. Feels like being a doormat, I felt I should have spoken up in retrospect but what's done is done. I was blamed for him losing jobs as well. You did what you could and don't blame yourself for this, I don't think any of us knew how to *work* on those things, we didn't even know that it was happening until after BD when we looked at ourselves. I too was much more relaxed when he moved out. Not immediately but i'd come home after work to just the dogs and it was so nice and quiet, no worrying about what mood he would be in and trying to make him happy and putting myself 2nd - mine was a bit of a narcissist to boot so that was an extra bonus. I didn't see it, couldn't see it until he left and I really looked from a different perspective. I know I did everything I could to work on it and I'm good with that now. I know inside he's a decent man going through something awful and I cannot help him. It's good for you to do all the introspection you're doing, part of the healing don't you think? It was for me - I'm still doing it, I guess we probably need to keep doing that to grow and stay on top of potential changes.


Me - 42
exH - 56
Married 10.5 years
Together 17
bomb dropped 1/6/14
signed papers 2/4/14
H moved out 2/22/14
D final 4/4/14
Dropped the rope 5/17/14
2 cats, 2 dogs
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GB and TL- it's amazing how many similar characteristics so many of them have pre-mlc. I think it may show that some are predisposed to this. It is a difficult thing for us, to feel so hurt and betrayed, yet feel for them too because we care about them.

Don't beat yourself up about resentment and all that. I think it is human nature, no matter who you are or whom you are dealing with. If we had know it would have come to this, of course we would have addressed it sooner! Things would be way different. We took for granted that they would be there no matter what. Well, really, I knew I would be and I was committed and that I would never just walk away- especially without addressing something! So, I assumed that he was too. He was supposed to be. He should have spoke up if he felt "resentment" from me- not just bail!

It would have happened regardless. We are human and our intentions were good and pure. This is their rodeo.

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