I felt God validating the choices I've made in recent years...up until things unraveled with the tutoring this past June.
As we were talking about D11's changes, the topic of evangelical ministers came up...my uncle is a minister...anyway, I mentioned how I have a hard time reconciling some of these ministers like T.D. Jakes and Joyce Meyer with the tremendous wealth they have...
So, my niece, my sis's oldest daughter...who I've always believed to have Asperger's chimes in how she loves Mother Teresa...Well, my niece is lovely and bright and usually says things like this to impress people...she is 13 and feels she HAS to hate normal teenage stuff...I see myself in her. She can't give into fun and silliness and has to be PERFECT at all times. She has really struggled accepting herself and feeling safe in her own skin...
Anyway, another one of God's moments of validation. I, recently, have read a lot about Mother Teresa and read/listened to her message. She was really aghast at how little time we, in the West, give our children. She was someone who deeply believed that spending more time with our kids was vital to making the world a better place. This is exactly what I've been battered over in my family. Everyone...from Smokey to sis, mom, dad, inlaws, etc..They disagree and feel the income is more important that time together. I feel the opposite...I feel time should be the priority...at least as high as money...especially when kids are struggling...
Not that my sis is wrong in her choices...I get it...but, I did it different and that's ok. Her kids have more things, my kids have more ME. But, in that moment when the Mother Teresa came up...I felt validated. I didn't bring anything up, didn't debate...just felt, inside, validated by God that I had made the right decisions for ME and MY KIDS for the moment I was in...And, NOW, the moment has changed and God has given me the Go Ahead to do things differently.
Also, I cleaned out my email last night...long story...but, OMG. If you ever want to see your journey, up close and personal, clean out your email. HOLY SHID!! The stuff I've handled in the last six months!!!! No EFFIN WONDER I'm Mr. Universe Strong and DIFFERENT...
Last six months
Child Support Enforcement Letter to Inlaws INADEQUATE Support payments Mortgage Company calls to say they haven't received three months of payments from Smokey D20 gets pneumonia I'm broke I'm broke I'm broke Difficult/CRAZY students/families Get an attorney Smokey gets an attorney Inlaws spread rumors about me and girls Accept award for 96--year-old grandma in room of 500 people Market business Market writing Explore career options Find job Craft resume, send resume to 60+? places Explore moving Handle Smokey telling me he won't parent D20 financially or otherwise in any way, shape or form Get car fixed Face myself, my grief, my abandonment from my dad, grandpa and husband Come to grips with leaving this man for good and beginning visualizing a life without him in it...off and on
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Heather, hope you have a great time with D11, you both deserve it. I hope she enjoys the show and doesn't get freaked out by the noise.
Twice today I have heard the following " I love my Mum/sister dearly, but I don't always like them"... I guess the same could be said for you and your family. that's fine, you just have do what is right for you and the kids - you know what's right. the validation you have received for your daughter this weekend proves it.
Great news on the job front. Take what you can from the interview, your gut instinct will let you know if this is the right situation for you. You'll also get the chance to drive around the area and look at houses and facilities. Trust yourself.
You have worked so hard to reach this place. its paying off with the kids. D11 has the confidence to move on with whatever you decide. D20 is learning that her actions have consequences, and it takes hard work to put things right. She has gotten over her big hurdle of getting work after her stint in jail, and is learning that she cant mess with you.
I don't think you are far from the point where you stop looking back at what you perceive others think you should be doing/have done, or at the mess smokey has caused and start to run forward with confidence and vigour. happy with your achievements and plans for all the things you wish and desire. Your hard work will give you all you desire...
Step forward with confidence. surely those emails prove what you can get over with determination.
WE had FUN!!!! So LOUD. But, FUN and D11 was OK :-)
Figuring out details for New York Trip.
Mom continues to work her magic. Came home to more details. She is really pushing for D20 to stay here (with her) if I get the job in NY. Jeeeeeeeeeezzz.
Love to all.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Wow, Heather! What a weekend! I thought of you often!!!!! I wish we had gone on the same night....
There must have been something in the air, or traveling like that makes us think a lot. We have the opportunity to dig deep during that time and get real with ourselves, put things in perspective or something. Or maybe 1D has that affect on people???
Anyway, you went through it this weekend, girl! Whew! I am so proud of how well you are doing. You hit your stride! You have been faced with many challenges and emotions and have remained composed, re-calibrated and thought better of each situation. Go, Heather!! (I would totally drop a 1D line right now, if I knew one!) Someone... anyone... ??
I've got to say, you are a great writer! I was so drawn in- great voice!
It is funny, though, we had similar experiences this weekend. Both headed to Detroit, for the concert, and the night before I left, s17 had a blow-out. I would say "we" did, but like you, I kept it together! (He also stayed behind to take care of dog, plus had to work, and hung w my bro AND there is no way he would have gone to that concert). He crossed the line, too. Ugh... I hate that. I also know they are hurting and that the anger really isn't meant for us. But, s17 hates to be accountable these days. Doing it alone as a parent isn't easy. It is tough with 2 around... try picking up the pieces alone.... well, you know all too well.
Anyway, db is a good tactic to use in that sitch, too. It is really about keeping composure. Making your point, when necessary, without all the drama and hard feelings. Whew! It was an emotional trip for me too, however it was mostly my own issues. It really didn't have anything to do with anyone else. Well... not entirely true... lets just say there wasn't any event in particular, or communication with anyone to make it the emotional experience for me. It wasn't like all dramatic or anything, just a day in the life of Mighty. Here-there-everywhere!
I haven't gotten into it on my sitch... I've really got to put it all together at this point. I DONT WANNA! I will, just not yet.
Soooo glad you had a great time. So glad you are gaining so much strength. So glad you are finding your happy place. So glad things are moving in the right direction.
What are d20's thoughts about staying behind with your mom? I'm sorry your mom used the opportunity to try to get into d's head. I have to say, even though I'm not an original fan of 1D, they were pretty good. They sounded better live! It was a good show, and d13 is in withdrawal. She said it was the best trip she has ever had. She's obsessed.
Ummm, pretty sure Harry was drunk when he arrived on stage in Detroit on Sunday night. It took them a bit to get out there and I'm suspecting...because I'm a highly-experienced mom of a 20-year-old...that he was to blame for the delay and very drunk when he started the show. :-0
Do I know how to pick em?? Seriously??!! I know I'm being silly here, but it did strike me that Harry is the one who appeals to me. The charming, eff-up. He's hilarious and doesn't hide that he's all about being the hedonist. He's the New Age Mick.
And, who did Heather have a HUGEEEEEEEE crush on when she was in high school? Michael Phillip Jagger. His birthday was on July 26. He went to the London School of Economics. Yes, I know these and many more ridiculous facts about Mick.
Who did Heather marry? Mick Jagger. A shorter, less musically-inclined...but just as charming, (albeit more self-deprecating and humble---but still incredibly selfish), handsome Mick...with a hint of Keith mixed in.
So, here's a pop culture analogy for my situation/relationship with men over my 45 years.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I'm going to go from being a Harry-type of girl to one who looks for a Niall. Yep. I want the guy WITHOUT the tattoos who doesn't arrive to work drunk. For those of us in the older generation...I want more of a Charlie Watts kinda guy...Who, by-the-by, has gotten incredibly more handsome as the years have gone on. Notoriously faithful to his wife and sees his work with the Stones as something that pays the bills. Harry and Mick are fun, risky, charming, etc...but, not what endures for the long haul. Heather is NOW a Niall girl.
Mighty, thanks for dropping by. I thought of you too that evening. Was wishing I had your number to ask how it was the night before.
Last edited by LoisB; 08/19/1412:52 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
OMG, Heather! That is so funny. I don't think any of them were intoxicated on Saturday night. BUT, my d is in love with Harry. Should I be worried?
Get this... my d was watching tv in my bed last night and fell asleep, so I left her there all night. In her sleep in the middle of the night, she said, "Harry!"
