How HER crisis changed ME

[LoisB]

I'm so glad you went to the counselor TAD. :-)

Atta Boy!

[job]

I'm glad you made contact with your niece. At least you now know where she stands w/her father. Yes, he's lost everything not once, but twice and he's hitting the bottom of the barrel again and only he can decide what to do w/his life. I think you would be wise to take another route to work because this situation of seeing him periodically is bothering you a lot.

I'm very happy to see you had a counseling session. I agree w/Mr. Bond. If she's making you feel uncomfortable, then what she's doing is working.

Keep moving forward.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone.

Just updating:

Saw the counselor again. Not sure if I like going though. We talked about the relationship with my rats this time. She seems to think that I have bonded with them the way that I have because in my mind, they are the only things left in my life that can't hurt me, lie to me, cheat on me, betray me.....and....she's right. I don't really trust anyone at all anymore.

I haven't seen my brother on the streets in over a week. Not sure if that's good or bad.

A couple of weeks ago, I tried to call my dad for his birthday and got the voicemail. He will usually call back if he misses a call. He hasn't this time. I'm going to try to call him tomorrow.

Still working at my awesome new job and still like it a lot.

That's really all that's been going on with me. Kind of boring.

I want to go to a few meet ups I think. Just haven't had the guts to go.

Take care.

Tad

[Delboy]

Hi Tad, Your Quote: 'Saw the counselor again. Not sure if I like going though.'

How come you don't know if you like going or not?


Love
Delboy

[tadpole1025]

Hi Delboy.

To answer your question, I guess it's because I don't feel like re-hashing the last four years again. I just don't feel like going over all of it again. Don't feel very comfortable talking about all of this to a complete stranger. Sure, I do it here, but I can hide behind my computer monitor.

The first counselor I went to kind of rubbed me the wrong way four years ago. He kept telling me to kick XW to the curb while I was in the process of trying to save my marriage.

I'll continue to go though.

Thanks for checking in.

Tad

[Delboy]

Hi Tad,you should find that most counselors are up to the mark. For the first few months I tested mine to the limits! She didn't shrink. She was very attentive and there for me while she was in the counseling mode. Also you have to go over the stuff until you can come to terms with it!

Yesterday I saw the ex across the road (while I went past in my car) she had the other man in tow & his dog.

All day yesterday the weather was overcast but she still had sun glasses on. Since she left, when she's outside she nearly always has sun glasses on, I wonder why? I think I know why, do you?


Love
Delboy

[MrBond]

" She seems to think that I have bonded with them the way that I have because in my mind, they are the only things left in my life that can't hurt me, lie to me, cheat on me, betray me.....and....she's right. I don't really trust anyone at all anymore."

You do know that it's the same thing that we told you here. Your C sounds like a good one. You're still fighting it. Let it go.

[sunshinelewis]

Mr. Bond I have been on these boards as long as u have I believe, and I have followed Tad the whole way. I have sat back and read ur comments and have not posted but I have to say u need to back off a little.......encouragement goes a long way. You come across as very harsh to me nd harsh is not always the way to go......I guess u mean well but u sure sound like u could use a hug, u sound very bitter. So heres a hug for ya. For real.
Tad I am so proud of the progress ur making. U still have a ways to go but ur getting there. Hang onto those boys, they sure love their dad.
Also about them leaving the nest.....maybe they think they need to be with u still. They may need u to reassure them ur ok and they can go. Just thinking.
Hugs to ya tad.....hang in there with counseling.

[LoisB]

Tad, I know it's uncomfortable and a bit awkward...but, I'm so glad you are keeping it up. You agree with her thoughts, even though it's uncomfortable...that's great.

I know you don't want to rehash the last four years. I get that. But, what about taking some pride in what you have survived. You are a survivor. Not everyone makes it through what you have. Maybe you didn't do it perfectly, but you did it. Still doing it. Give yourself a little credit for dealing with some harsh events and, then, making the effort to get a new job, start a new life, go to counseling, etc... :-)

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone...I appreciate it.

Also you have to go over the stuff until you can come to terms with it!

You mean accept it? I think I have accepted it....just don't like it. Same with my childhood...grandmother's death, brother's and mother's death....all the crap I've been through the last few years. I'm just tired of it all. I've spent 4-5 years grieving about one thing or another and can't do it anymore. I want to be happy. I want the elephant off my chest.

Since she left, when she's outside she nearly always has sun glasses on, I wonder why? I think I know why, do you?

I think I know why. I think she is hiding behind them. Honestly? I've done that most of my life. Not sure why, but I guess I've just always felt secure with them. Seriously, you won't see me in very many pictures without shades.

You do know that it's the same thing that we told you here.

Yep. Same thing MrBond.

I have sat back and read ur comments and have not posted but I have to say u need to back off a little.......encouragement goes a long way.

It's cool Renee. He means well I'm sure. Sometimes I need a kick....or a punch....or a 2x4. Really. It's all good. Thanks for looking out for me though. Nice to hear from you. I still check you out on FB from time to time.

Also about them leaving the nest.....maybe they think they need to be with u still. They may need u to reassure them ur ok and they can go.

I've thought about this too. I've even told them that they do not NEED to stay. Honestly, I'm not sure they are quite ready anyways. They need better jobs. All the extra schooling/college plans got messed up when all this started and we are just all starting to refocus again....finally.

But, what about taking some pride in what you have survived. You are a survivor. Not everyone makes it through what you have. Maybe you didn't do it perfectly, but you did it. Still doing it. Give yourself a little credit for dealing with some harsh events and, then, making the effort to get a new job, start a new life, go to counseling, etc... :-)

Awww. Thanks for the nice post. L/H. It is Heather right? Yeah, I've done it so far. It hasn't killed me yet.

Take care.

Tad