Sorry your here, Dev. But it sounds like you may just be in the driver's seat soon.
Praying for you.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I had a great laugh myself writing it. Wasn't sure if anyone would notice it. Obviously what I wanted to say, but didn't. Instead I wrote it here. Almost as good though. Zee, must be a time for a bit of an update from you? How goes it there?
I'm doing well thanks, just getting more and more detached lately, which is good in some ways.
Jefe, thanks for your kind words and prayers. I'm sorry I'm here too, but in actuality, I don't now where I'd be without this forum. Good people and great support
Drivers seat, wistful thinking, all I'm after is being a co-pilot
Yeah, Dev. My WAW also thinks I have the blessed life while she is struggling. Seems to be par for the course in our sitches. When she complains you could say the door is open for her to come home and maybe that would be something to broach with her IC and leave it at that.
Last edited by PeterV2; 10/01/1406:02 PM.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
It's very tempting to say that, but I am concerned she will feel like it is pursuing and it will drive her away further and make her feel like I have ulterior motives for everything I am doing. I'm hoping to just be consistently a good person, and my WAS may or may not realize what she is losing. I think it's up to her to realize that. I think helping her recognize what she is losing etc will only put me in a bad light if I do it verbally. Non verbal actions will be very effective, because they signify and demonstrate my changes. I truly feel my WAW knows unfortunately that if she approached me, I would be interested in reconciliation under the right conditions. But we aren't even close to that yet in any way, shape, or form.
I think you are on the right path by letting W figure out her stuff and seeing what life is like on the "other" side. Getting the first check is a small part of the process. There will be more stuff coming out and she'll discover pretty quickly that life as a "single" woman isn't what it's cracked to be. I should know!
Going to be many downs on this pathway. I agree with you. She is now pushing for a S agreement, which will push us further down the D road. But overall, I think it's necessary for her to figure out where she is, what she has, and what she has access to. Life without Dev will be tougher and harder, but if she is happier, then I'm happy. I continue to be in a great place I think. Do I still care for her incredibly, yes. Would I like the opportunity to R. Yes. But, the conditions would have to be right. I still feel like she may pop out of this and realize what she has done. Of course, at this point my feelings have been "boxed and placed on that closet shelf up high". If they are re-opened, I'll cross that bridge at that time. Not sure if I'm holding out false hope, or if the woman I know still exists somewhere in that mind of hers.
at this point my feelings have been "boxed and placed on that closet shelf up high". If they are re-opened, I'll cross that bridge at that time. Not sure if I'm holding out false hope, or if the woman I know still exists somewhere in that mind of hers.
Zew mentioned in his post the other day that his wife was "so far out of character"... I feel the same way sometimes. The woman that comes by and calls sometimes is not at all who walked out the door Aug 5th. Who is this woman? What has she done with my wife?
I like the "shelf" analogy. I may have to adopt that one.
Hang in there, Dev.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Appreciate the words of support. I can't take credit for the "box on the shelf" analogy. I read it at some point during my perusal of the blogs, and I can't remember which wise vet it was posted by, but it makes sense to me. Credit to them.
Good luck with your stitch. It's still so early, you've got lots of time. Make sure to use it wisely
Okay, so a bit of history. This is a bit of a vent, and of course also want to make sure I handled this situation okay. Any feedback or suggestions on my comments or interaction are welcomed.
To summarize, although it wasn't my day, my kids were dropped of at the house, which is fine with me. The nanny is there, and I have time before I go to work in the afternoon. My older kids were at school and I took my S4 out to see the bears at the local zoo, as he wanted to go. He had ten minute nap on the way home, which sets up the next interaction, that occurred when I asked if the kids wanted to say goodnight.....
Dev: Do the kids want to say goodnight?
WAW:Nope. And maybe next time give me a heads up if S4 has napped.
Dev:Ok, he had a ten min one in the car. Sorry about that. He was super tired I guess. Thanks.
WAW:Well they're going to be a heckuva lot more tired tomorrow now. Thank you. Naturally he's ruined it for us. A fine night gone to [censored]. Maybe make the nanny look after the kids when she is being paid to do so
Dev: I'm sorry about that. It's hard to prevent him from napping. I was home for a bit. Sorry it's a tough night.
WAW:today is my day with them from am to pm. If you want to see them don't [censored] it up for me later. I've got two new senior courses that come with major sets of new responsibilities plus lunches to pack and to clean my place and it's all a write off now. Don't [censored] me over on my days. Transition days I have to suck up but NOT my own days. I did everything right tonight to get them to sleep early and now it's ruined. And he's kept D6 up and they're wild. I have to get them all dressed and packed and drive them to your house before I go to work. It's not easy.
Dev: I'm really sorry it's a bad night. I agree it's not easy
WAW: Great. Don't [censored] me over on my days. It's not fair. It's tough enough. Yup, they were still tired from Monday night they told me. D6 and S4 will have 10 hours of sleep if they're lucky tonight. They're still awake. They can't sleep til 8 at my place. I have a career too you know. I have zero options for exercise when they're with me. Doesn't help. Would be nice if you accepted responsibility that it was really selfish of you to tire S4 out at the zoo so that he had to have a nap. And now I'm irritated beyond belief and the kids are suffering bc of it.
I stopped replying because I realized it was pointless. Perhaps my reflective text conversation could have been better? I see when I read over it, it may look like I was arguing or trying to make my own point. I was pretty frustrated and didn't want to react. Disappointing and sad for me to see this occur...
